17 Practical Time-Saving Systems for Parents


Baby: Welcome to my mom’s podcast.

This episode is sponsored by Four Sigmatic … because I’m on the showroom every day. They make a variety of super food mushroom infused products, from cafes and teas to acidic and even chocolate mixed with ten mushrooms! I have a shelf for just four sigmatic products in the pantry and I live far away from them. Some current favorites … My kids love relish infused cocoa, and I love that it helps them sleep! I also really enjoy their 10 mushroom mix which includes all my favorites like chaga, cardi sepsis, reishi and even meshima. For daily showrooms, I include it in coffee, tea, or smoothies. As a listener to this podcast, you can save up to 15% by going to forcigetmatic.com/alensima and using the code “wellinsma”.

This podcast brings you the herbs and their dark elderly sorbet! I have been a huge fan of Elderberry syrup for years and they are my best pre-made medium unless you want to make your own. You can experience for yourself why it’s America’s favorite organic black alderberry sorbet! It is the # 1 best-selling organic black alder berry syrup in the United States this time of year, the basic and essential strength of a medicine cabinet. Elder Berry will help your family and children feel better with a deliciously delicious nectar. It’s Certified Organic – This powerful syrup concentrates 14.5 grams of elderly berries in a teaspoon, so it’s extremely powerful. It is made with only four clean ingredients and is vegetarian, dairy-free, gluten-free and soy-free, making it safe for most people. Black Alderberry Syrup is safe for the whole family and is designed for adults and children 1 year of age or older. You can save a great deal on herbs by placing the WELLNESSMMA code at checkout for 20% off your first purchase by visiting gaiaherbs.com/wellnessmama.

Hello, and welcome to the “Valence Mama Podcast”. I’m Katie at valensmama.com, and this episode is just mine. And I’m answering one of the questions I get asked online most often, which is, “How am I going to do all this and the work and the family and the care of myself and all those demands What do we have to face in modern life? ” So, today, I will tell you about my system and how I do it. But there are some things that I want to make sure I mentioned and that you guys understand before jumping in.

First, and most importantly, I don’t do it all, not every day and not even close. So, I’ve written about many things on the blog. There are 1,300 blog posts here, and there is no way I can do this every single day. It’s a combined 10 years of knowledge and experience, and I don’t do all the work all the time.

So, full disclosure, some days is a complete disaster in my house. Gone are the days where we eat magic spoons of cereal for food. And I’ve tried a lot of experiments over the years. I’ve written about many of them, but I certainly don’t keep them all every single day. I got the 80/20 rule that works for me, and I maintain that. I will talk more about that later in this series. But I just wanted to start off by saying that I don’t do it all, and I never wanted to be the standard that someone looks at on social media and then feel bad about comparing it.

Number two, in modern life, as mothers in particular, but parents in general, we face a lot more demands than past parents, and it takes a lot of hard work to handle everything. And it is important to remember, we are not failing because it seems to be difficult for our parents. It’s actually difficult. I think there are some things we can do to reduce it, but in reality it is more difficult than ever for our parents.

So, I think we can use a lot of technology’s benefits and systems to make things easier if we are intentional about it, and I’m going to share a lot of my tips for today. But recognizing and understanding that modern life has more to do with past generations.

Number three, before we jump in, you have to understand that I’m totally ignorant, and I use math to solve most of my life’s problems, I’m gonna talk. If you’re not a math person, I apologize in advance, but ideas still work, even if you don’t care about math. So bear with me with this part.

And finally, these systems are the ones that work for me and my family, and I’m sharing practical examples and hopefully going into as much detail as possible. Will prove This does not mean being in the black and white standard for any other family, and it is certainly not a matter of making decisions for someone else’s systems or how they handle their lives. You could end up with something far different than what you created, and that’s not right. that’s awesome.

I think that as a parent, one of the things we need most now to see our kids is an example of how people can look at different ideas or ways of working and Still be together and treat each other with respect and kindness. So think about how much we would change all levels of stress if we all did so in our conversations, both in person and especially online. So, none of this means making decisions for everyone who does things differently. I’m just sharing my systems and I hope they will be the parts that can be helpful to you.

I think there are some commonalities that can help us stay on top of the necessities of modern life and all the things we are looking for. And so I will make the next 17 points on them and I hope they will be helpful to you too.

So, start with the idea of ​​tip number one, the 80/20 principle or the least effective food type, and if you’ve heard it is the Pareto principle. It is also known as the 80/20 rule, or I think it is soon called the principle of spirits, the most important ones, or the law in mathematics.

And boiled down, this basically means that in many areas, about 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes, or 80% of the results come from inputs or activities. And it is used in sports, and there are examples of it in economics. It is used in computing. But I found it very helpful in handling modern life, especially in motherhood. Of all the people in the world who feel the need to be more productive, moms are at the top of the list. I’ve always said that moms are the busiest and most efficient people on the planet, and if you can give mom more bandwidth and reduce depression, mommy can change the whole world. So I figured if the top performers in the business are using it, and economists and mathematicians, even sports teams, are the things that mothers can use.

You know there’s a joke that evolution shouldn’t work because moms only have two hands right now, and I think we really need a clone or at least two brains to handle it all. But I think that keeping this principle in mind helps me focus on the things that are important in all the areas that I am responsible for and still feel like. Is that I’m doing most of these plates without breaking or feeling them. I let things fall. So I constantly apply this principle to different aspects of my life and it has made me more productive. Even just thinking in terms of 80/20 and doing 20% ​​of the work that I need to do and focus more, which has relieved the stress from the other 80%. They will be made up of podcasts throughout, and I will provide practical examples of how you can use them in different aspects of your life.

So, tip two is to make eating at home easier. And as I mentioned in the last indicator, we eat about 20% of the food almost 80% of the time. And feeling that way, I was able to start planning for it, and I realized I could automate many of my meals. Therefore, this may reduce the need for a meal plan. It also made shopping easier because I know ahead of time, I can simplify meal preparation, and it really kind of makes planning a meal a little more complicated in general. And it also helps with things like keeping the pantry in stock, and it also means that when I travel or get things really busy, someone else can fill in some parts of the system.

So on a practical level, here are some ways I can implement it. I keep a list, and I stock important portions of my ordinary pantry as we… The stalls, percent of our pantry, come from the Troy market, such as the Prime Kitchen, Pavlova beef sticks, tuna and sardines. , Other condiments, bulk items, nuts, rice, quinoa, etc. I can actually keep a list of people included in the show notes so you can see my permanently rescheduled list. But instead of trying to identify the wheels each time, I know exactly what those things are and how often and how fast we move through them. So I can either really set up an auto-order for some of these things or at least have a list on my phone. I use the Notes app regularly so that when it’s time to order, I know where everything is in one place.

I also plan to eat 80/20, and I’ll share more about that in a future podcast. But the short version is that for every season, I focus on the things that are in season and the least expensive. So basically, vegetables that are in spring, summer, autumn, and winter, and I plan around them because usually, then I know they are less expensive when they are in season And are more nutrient-dense. And I focus only on food that I know of the whole family, which is easy to prepare, it is cheap, and they are nutrients. And by these standards, I get 14 meals on top of us for each season, and I only had to do it once because, once it’s done, it can be repeated.

So once I have 14 meals each season, I separate them into two weekly menus and create shopping lists for each. I use the Real Plans app, and I will put a link to it in the show notes as it is very helpful. And you can put your recipes in, and it will automatically create a shopping list that you might already have if you already have the ingredients. You can adjust it to suit your family size or all sorts of things. And then I print out two weekly meal plans and shopping lists together, and I put them in the sleeve and put them in a notebook like this, so they are in the kitchen. So in other words, if it was confusing for a second, I plan to have two weekly meals each season.

So for the winter, it can focus on vegetables such as cabbage and green and sweet potatoes and root vegetables and cruciferous vegetables, and for each season there are different vegetables. And then we alternate these weeks. We go back and forth between these two week meal plans. So we don’t eat more than one every 14 days. So there are so many varieties built, and the reason is that it is already planned, so anyone can handle the purchase and anyone can handle the cooking. So if things are busy, my husband can handle shopping if he needs to, or I can just order groceries online. I know what I need with everything in one place. And since the recipes are already printed, the kids can sometimes jump and cook food, or I already have them, or if we’re having grandparents while traveling, jumping for someone else and It’s easy to handle. System.

I spend 20% of my time cooking 80% of my time with bulk cooking. And I don’t do it every single week, but I try to make it a priority, especially during the busy weeks. So I would often double up on recipes for breakfast or lunch, or pause some time at the end of the week and prep more for the week. And my kids usually make breakfast and lunch themselves, and I really only focus on family dinners. But when I can, I’ll make double recipes, and so they have it without making breakfast or lunch. And I know that there are always nutritional options available. So that’s the kind of food system. Once again, I’ll be doing a whole podcast on it in the future, which breaks down and then shares all the details of what it really looks like because it’s a great time and money saver. But it’s really as easy as starting out with a system like this, and then you just have to make these four eating plans with two weeks of alternatives, and you get to plan to eat meals repeatedly for a year. ۔

Tip number three is to set up a dressing system in the house. This is another area where you can really apply the 80/20 principle. If you think about it, many of us wear the same outfit 80% of the time. I don’t know about you, but this is especially true with my children. Younger people typically like four or five favorite outfits that they only wear more and more, and everything else in their drawers was completely ignored. So, knowing this, I realized that doing Paris reduces mental and physical disorganization, and was an area I could easily ease into.

So if we do this for everyone in the household, there is very little we have to manage at home. There are less laundry, and fewer things on the floor. I have blog posts about capsule wardrobes for children, and I’m implementing them myself. But you can find these blog posts online. Just look at the Google Valence Mama capsule cabinets or watch the show notes to see your notes as really specific examples.

But it really is as simple as keeping a small amount of clothing that is relatively easy and that fits together and it fits easily and that babies are able to pair. But to me, this is what I have been … especially as I like a lot of changing shapes, and I have to relieve most of my clothes, anyway I try to simplify because I love new clothes. Had to buy. So I have only two pairs of jeans that I absolutely adore, and that there are too many pairs of jeans that are mostly fit or not quite comfortable and I usually don’t wear them anyway. ۔ And so I’ve tried to make it easier for myself.

I think it’s different for each family, and of course, depending on the climate, you may need a lot more clothes or different clothes or if you travel a lot or your climate The air changes drastically. But generally, I try to stick to this kind of system … depending on the season, the simple clothes that come together and become less and less because I … I mean, we have There are many clothes in common. Actually needed.

Tip number four. I wanted to make this quick in the podcast because I think this is something that mothers tend to overlook, which is to take care of myself regularly. And this is another area that is completely different for everyone. But most parents, and especially mothers, statistics show that we do not get enough sleep, and we do not have enough time to take care of ourselves. And I really hate that word because I think it’s a kind of thing … it’s just vague and applies to a lot of different things that might give rise to bubble bathing ideas, for which I personally never find time.

But I think for moms, a lot of times, this seems like an impossible thing to do on the list because everyone gets priority in front of us, and we’ve got a lot to manage. Hopefully, all the systems in this podcast help make time for it easier. But I also know that during the younger years of our children’s lives, finding time to take care of themselves can be really difficult.

But like other areas, if we can identify the 20 things that are most important to us in self-care, then those 20 things that reduce the most stress or cause us to pay the most. So we can focus on that. Things we really have time for. So for me personally, like for example, these are things that I can walk around in for a little while in the sauna, even for a short time. I’m not saying exercise. I don’t think I’ll ever be in the habit of exercising for one hour a day. It’s things like walking or running out for a minute or a handstand, stuff like that. صرف تحریک میں باقاعدگی سے کام کرنا ہی میری ذہنیت کے ل. ایک بہت بڑا فرق پڑتا ہے۔

نیز ، میرے شوہر اور قریبی دوستوں کے ساتھ کوالٹی وقت گزارنا میرے ذہنیت میں بڑا فرق پڑتا ہے۔ اور ، یقینا ، کمیونٹی اور بہت ساری دیگر فائدہ مند چیزیں بھی اسی میں شامل ہیں۔ تو یہ خود کی دیکھ بھال ہے ، لیکن یہ زندگی کے دوسرے پہلوؤں میں بھی فائدہ مند ہے۔ کچھ سپلیمنٹس لینا میرے لئے صرف یہ یقینی بنانے میں مددگار ثابت ہوا ہے کہ مجھے جسمانی اور ذہنی لچک ہے کہ مجھے ہر چیز کا انتظام کرنے کی ضرورت ہے۔

اور میں نے صبح کے سورج کی روشنی کے بارے میں پوڈ کاسٹ میں متعدد بار اس کا تذکرہ کیا ہے۔ لہذا ، یہ میرے ڈاکٹروں کا سالوں اور سالوں کا مشورہ تھا جب مجھے ہشیموٹو کی پہلی بار تشخیص ہوا کہ جاگنے کے بعد جلد سے جلد کچھ وقت گزاریں۔ یہ واقعی میں سرکیڈین تال کے لئے اہم ہے۔ مجھے اپنی نیند اور پھر اپنی تناؤ کی سطح میں فرق نظر آرہا ہے ، اور عام طور پر میرے شوہر یا بچوں کے ساتھ باہر کا وقت آتا ہے۔ تو یہ وقت کے ساتھ ساتھ برادری کا بھی ہے۔ تو وہ میری چیزیں ہیں جن کی میں ترجیح دیتا ہوں اور مجھے دوسرے علاقوں میں بھی اس کے اثرات نظر آتے ہیں۔ وہ ہر شخص کے ل for مختلف ہوں گے ، لیکن اگر آپ ان چیزوں کی نشاندہی کرسکتے ہیں جن سے آپ کو دوبارہ بھرنا ہے اور آپ کو زیادہ سے زیادہ بھرنا ہے ، اور آپ دن میں ان میں سے تھوڑا سا تھوڑا سا کام بھی کرسکتے ہیں تو ، آپ کو ایک بہت بڑا فرق نظر آئے گا آپ کی ذہنیت

تو پانچویں ٹپ ، ہمارے گھرانوں میں حقیقت پسندانہ minismism۔ لہذا ، جس طرح میں نے کھانے میں اور لباس میں اور یہاں تک کہ خود کی دیکھ بھال میں بھی ذکر کیا ہے ، ہم اکثر 20 فیصد اپنے گھر میں بھی اسی طرح استعمال کرتے ہیں۔ اور ، مثال کے طور پر ، بچے زیادہ تر وقت میں اسی 20 فیصد فیصد کھلونے استعمال کریں گے۔ وقت گزرنے کے ساتھ ، میں سامان کو کم سے کم کرنے اور کم کرنے کے لئے بہت سارے سسٹم استعمال کرچکا ہوں ، اور مجھے لگتا ہے کہ کام کرنے کیلئے بہت سے مختلف انداز موجود ہیں۔ میری کانڈو سسٹم موجود ہیں۔ ہر طرح کے منظم نظام موجود ہیں۔

بچوں کے کھلونوں کے ل when ، جب میں نے اسے نافذ کیا تو ، میں نے حقیقت میں ان کے زیادہ تر کھلونے اٹاری میں ڈالے ، اور پھر میں انھیں واپس نہیں لے سکتا تھا جب تک کہ وہ کسی خاص کے لئے نہ کہیں۔ میں دو طرح کے کھلونے تیار کرنے کی کوشش کرتا ہوں جو سب مل کر چل سکیں اور آسانی سے لیگوس کی طرح ذخیرہ ہوجائیں اور واحد مقصد والے کھلونے خریدنے سے گریز کریں۔ اور جب ہم نے پہلی بار یہ سوئچ بنانا شروع کیا ، میں نے لفظی طور پر صرف ایک دن اٹاری میں زیادہ تر کھلونے ڈال دیئے۔ اور اگر وہ ایسے ہی ہوتے ، “ارے ، امی ، کیا تم نے کچھ دیکھا ہے؟” میں اس مخصوص کھلونا کو تلاش کروں گا ، لیکن زیادہ تر چیزیں جن سے وہ کبھی محروم نہیں ہوا۔ اور کچھ مہینوں تک چیزوں کو اٹاری میں رکھنے سے مجھے ان چیزوں کو تلاش کرنے کا وقت مل گیا اگر کوئی ایسی چیز موجود تھی جو محض کسی چیز سے چھٹکارا پائے بغیر ان کے لئے واقعی اہم تھا اور وہ اس سے محروم ہوجاتے ہیں۔ ہم اس طرح سے بہت جان چھڑانے میں کامیاب ہوگئے تھے۔

لیکن کچھ مخصوص نکات ، کیونکہ مجھے لگتا ہے کہ اگر آپ بہت تیزی سے یا تیزی سے کم سے کم ہوجاتے ہیں تو ، آپ کسی طرح کے گھر میں اپلیکیٹ کو پریشان کرسکتے ہیں۔ لہذا میں سمجھتا ہوں کہ اس میں مثال کے طور پر رہنمائی کرنا ضروری ہے۔ لہذا صرف بچوں کی تمام چیزیں پھینک کر یا فوری طور پر اس سے چھٹکارا حاصل کرکے شروع نہ کریں۔ اسی لئے میں نے اٹاری چیز کا استعمال کیا۔ لیکن یہ بھی میرے نزدیک مثال قائم کرنا ضروری ہے اور ہم اسے پہلے کریں۔ لہذا ، اس سے پہلے کہ ہم ان سب چیزوں کو پھینکنا شروع کردیں جن سے وہ پسند کرتے ہیں ، ہمیں خود اپنے لئے یہ کام کرنے کی ضرورت ہے اور اس کی مثال پیش کریں اور ایسا کرکے اپنے ذہنی انتشار کو بھی کم کریں۔ لہذا ، میرے لئے ، میں نے اپنے کوٹھریوں اور اپنے سونے کے کمرے سے شروع کیا ، اور یہ بات قابل انتظام محسوس ہوئی۔ اور مجھے بچوں کو شامل کرنے کی ضرورت نہیں تھی ، لیکن میں ان کے ساتھ اس عمل کے بارے میں بات کروں گا اور ان کے سامان سے نمٹنے سے پہلے انھیں اس میں کیا فرق پڑتا ہے اس کو دیکھنے دیتا ہوں۔ اور پھر میں ان کو اس میں شامل ہونے دیتا ہوں جب ہم واقعتا their ان کے سامان سے چھٹکارا پانا شروع کردیتے ہیں۔

نیز ، ہمیں اپنے گھر میں ایک چھوٹا سا چندہ اسٹیشن رکھنے کی طرح مددگار ثابت ہوا۔ لہذا یہ بنیادی طور پر صرف ایک بڑا خانہ ہے ، ایک الماری میں ایک ٹوٹی ، یہ وہ جگہ ہے جہاں بچے جانتے ہیں اور ہم جانتے ہیں کہ وہ چیزیں رکھ سکتے ہیں۔ لہذا یہ وہ جگہ ہے جہاں لوگ کوئی ایسی چیز ڈال سکتے ہیں جس کی انہیں مزید ضرورت یا ضرورت نہیں ہوتی ہے ، اور یہ ایک فیصلہ کن فری زون بھی ہے۔ میرا خیال ہے کہ میں نے ایسا کرنے کی کوشش نہیں کی ، لیکن ایسا ہی ہے جب کسی چیز کو کسی بچے کو تحفہ دیا جاتا یا ہم ان سے کچھ حاصل کرنا چاہتے ہیں ، ایسا کرنا مشکل نہیں ہے ، “اوہ ، آپ اس سے چھٹکارا پا رہے ہیں۔” لیکن چندہ اسٹیشن ایک فیصلہ سے پاک زون ہے۔ کوئی بھی وہاں کچھ بھی عطیہ کرنے کے لئے ڈال سکتا ہے چاہے وہ فیصلہ کے بغیر کوئی تحفہ ہو۔

اسی طرح زمرے کے لحاظ سے گروپ بندی بھی میرے لئے واقعی مددگار ثابت ہوئی۔ یہ ایک چیز ہے جس کے بارے میں میں سمجھتا ہوں کہ “زندگی گزارنے کا جادو بدل گیا” میں بالکل ٹھیک ہو گیا کیونکہ آپ واقعی نہیں دیکھ سکتے ہیں کہ اگر آپ یہ سب ایک جگہ پر نہیں دیکھ پاتے ہیں تو آپ کے پاس کتنا سامان ہے۔ اور اس ل my میرا مشورہ ہے کہ تمام ایک جیسے چیزوں کو جمع کریں ، لہذا ، مثال کے طور پر ، میرے کپڑے یا بچوں کے تمام کھلونے ، جو کچھ بھی ہوں۔ میں وہ ساری چیزیں نہیں کرتا جہاں میں دیکھتا ہوں کہ اس سے خوشی آجاتی ہے ، لیکن ہر جگہ ایک جگہ دیکھ کر مجھے 80/20 جیسے سوچنے میں مدد ملتی ہے۔ لہذا میں ان میں سے 20٪ چیزوں کو اپنے پاس رکھتا ہوں اور بہت سے دوسرے سے چھٹکارا پاتا ہوں۔

اس کی عملی مثال کے طور پر۔ جب ہم نے اس پورے ماسٹر کو کم سے کم کرنے کی بات کی تھی تب میں زمرے کی قسم کا استعمال کرتا ہوں۔ لباس اور الماری ہر ایک اپنی اپنی قسم تھی۔ ہمارا بیڈروم ایک زمرہ تھا۔ بچوں کے بیڈروم میں سے ہر ایک اپنی قسم کا تھا۔ باورچی خانے واضح طور پر اس کی اپنی قسم ہے۔ گیراج میں بیرونی سامان کی طرح اس کا اپنا زمرہ تھا۔ اور پھر اس طرح کی کتان کی طرح ان کا اپنا زمرہ تھا اور کاغذی کام ، جو میرے وجود کا خاک تھا ، اس کا بھی اپنا زمرہ تھا۔

میرے لئے ، اسکول روم اور ذاتی اشیاء جیسی چیزیں جیسے جذباتی اشیاء اس فہرست میں شامل نہیں ہیں کیونکہ میں اسکول کے سامان کو 20 فیصد تک محدود نہیں رکھ سکتا جب ہم واقعتا only صرف وہ چیزیں خریدتے ہیں جس کی ہمیں حقیقت میں ضرورت ہوتی ہے۔ لہذا اب ہم صرف اسکول کا سامان رکھنے کے لئے کپڑوں کا ذخیرہ استعمال کرتے ہیں اور باقی ہر چیز کو کم سے کم کرنے کی کوشش کرتے ہیں۔ نیز ، بچوں کے ل I ، مجھے چیزوں کو کم سے کم رکھنے کی کوشش کرنے میں واقعی مددگار ثابت ہوا جسمانی حدود کی تعریف کرنا ہے کیونکہ وہ اکثر خاص طور پر کم عمری اور بصری ہوتے ہیں۔ اور اس طرح انھیں اپنے سامان کی حدود کو مثبت انداز میں سمجھنے میں مدد ملتی ہے جو دباؤ نہیں ہے۔ میں نے اصل میں یہ نوک ایک دوست سے سیکھا جس نے اپنا گھر بیچا اور ایک کیمپ میں چلا گیا اور سفر کیا ، اور اس کے پانچ بچے تھے۔ اور اس ل each ہر بچ sizeے کو ایک خاص سائز کا خانہ ملا جہاں انھیں اپنے تمام کھلونے رکھنا ہوتے تھے ، اور جب تک وہ اس باکس میں فٹ ہوسکے وہ جو چاہیں لاسکتے تھے۔ اور اس طرح صرف اس قسم کا خیال رکھتے ہوئے ، میں نے اسے ہمارے گھر پر لاگو کیا حالانکہ ہم نہیں جانتے ہیں ، ایک آر وی میں رہتے ہیں۔

ہم اس قسم کا اطلاق کرنے میں کامیاب تھے ، “آپ اپنے آپ کے لئے کھلونے اور جو کچھ رکھنا چاہتے ہیں ، وہ کھلونوں سے اٹھا سکتے ہیں۔ اسے صرف ان حدود میں فٹ ہونے کی ضرورت ہے۔ لہذا ، مثال کے طور پر ، یہ ہوسکتا ہے کہ تمام کھلونوں کو کھلونوں کے خانے میں فٹ ہونے کی ضرورت ہو یا یہ کہ اگر ان کے پاس کسی چیز کا مجموعہ ہے ، تو اسے سب کو کسی مخصوص شیلف یا ڈسپلے میں فٹ ہونے کی ضرورت ہے یا اگر یہ بھرے جانور ہیں تو ، میری سب سے چھوٹی چیزیں بھرے جانوروں سے محبت کرتی ہیں ، وہ ان سب کو رکھ سکتی ہے ، لیکن انہیں اس کے چھوٹے سے بستر پر فٹ ہونا پڑتا ہے تاکہ وہ ہر وقت ہر جگہ موجود نہ ہوں۔ یہ بھی اہم ہے اور بچوں کے کمرے کمانے میں واقعی مددگار ثابت ہوا ہے۔ اس طرح ان میں سے ہر ایک کا اپنا مخصوص علاقہ ہے جہاں ان کے پاس اپنی ذاتی ملکیت ہوسکتی ہے۔ پھر آپ اس طرح نافذ کرسکتے ہیں ، “یہ نجی جگہ ہے۔ اس علاقے میں موجود کسی بھی چیز کو چھونے سے پہلے آپ کو اپنے بھائی سے پوچھنے کی ضرورت ہے۔ یہ بستر یا ڈریسر پر یا بستر کے نیچے یا جو کچھ بھی ہو سکتا ہے اس کا رخ ہوسکتا ہے ، لیکن اس طرح ان کی اپنی جگہ ہے جو انہیں لگتا ہے جیسے ان کی ہے۔ اور یہ بھی اسے بہت زیادہ قابل انتظام بناتا ہے۔

ٹپ نمبر چھ۔ ٹائم مینجمنٹ سسٹم بنانے کے لئے اسی خیال کا استعمال کریں۔ اور میرے ذہن میں ، وقت درحقیقت 80/20 کا سب سے اہم علاقہ ہے کیونکہ ، دوسرے علاقوں کی طرح ، مجھے بھی ایسا لگتا ہے جیسے ہمارے 80 فیصد تناؤ بعض اوقات 20٪ آدانوں سے آسکتا ہے۔ اور مجھے لگتا ہے کہ ایسا ہی ہے جہاں سے ہمیں وقت کے انتظام کے ساتھ بالکل شروع کرنا چاہئے۔ لہذا ان سرگرمیوں کی نشاندہی کریں جو آپ کے لئے سب سے زیادہ تناؤ کا سبب بن رہی ہیں اور پھر یہ پتہ لگائیں کہ کم از کم ان سے کشیدگی کو کس طرح آسان ، خود کار بنائیں ، یا ان سے نجات حاصل کریں۔

ہوسکتا ہے کہ آپ سرگرمی سے چھٹکارا حاصل نہ کرسکیں ، لیکن آپ اس سے دباؤ کو دور کرسکتے ہیں۔ اور جب میں ذہن سازی کے نکات حاصل کروں گا تب میں اس کے بارے میں مزید بات کروں گا ، لیکن حقیقت میں یہ ہے کہ میں اس میں سے ایک اہم چیز کو سمجھتا ہوں۔ اور اگر آپ کچھ شروع کرنے والے ہیں تو ، میں ٹائم مینجمنٹ سسٹم سے شروع کروں گا۔ اس کے برعکس ، میرے خیال میں ہمارے وقت میں 20 فیصد کام کرنے کی ضرورت ہے جو سب سے زیادہ خوشی لاتے ہیں ، اس طرح کی دیکھ بھال کرنے والے خیال پر تھوڑی بہت چھوٹی چیزوں کی شناخت کرنا ضروری ہے۔

ایسا کرنے کے ل your ، اپنے کیلنڈر کو دیکھیں اور ان تمام سرگرمیوں کو لکھیں جو آپ کو ایک ہفتہ یا مہینے میں کرنا پڑتی ہیں ، آپ جس بھی وقت سے نمٹنے کے لئے چاہتے ہیں ، خاص طور پر اگر چیزیں ہفتے کے بعد دہرا رہے ہیں۔ میری زندگی کی طرح ، صرف ایک بار ان کو لکھ دیں۔ تو ان کی شناخت کرو۔ اور پھر ان علاقوں کو تلاش کرنا ضروری ہے جہاں آپ دونوں سمتوں میں بہتری لائیں۔ لہذا ، بنیادی طور پر ، جیسے یہ لکھیں اور ان چیزوں کو ترجیح دیں جو سب سے زیادہ دباؤ کا باعث بن رہی ہیں اور جن چیزوں کی وجہ سے سب سے زیادہ اچھ .ا ہے اور پھر 80/20 ، ان تمام علاقوں کو ترجیح دیں۔

تو میرے نزدیک ، یہ چیزیں ایسی تھیں جیسے وقت کا انتظام ، کھانے کی منصوبہ بندی اور کھانے نے بہت وقت ، بیچنگ اور ہر چیز کی بچت کی۔ تو چاہے وہ ای میل کی جانچ کر رہا ہو یا صفائی وغیرہ ، یہ سب کچھ خاص وقتوں میں ہی ہوتا ہے۔ میں نے ان چیزوں کا پتہ لگایا جو مجھے قطعی طور پر کرنا تھا ، 20٪ جس سے میں جانے نہیں دیتا تھا ، اور پھر میں نے ان چیزوں کو شیڈول کیا۔ لہذا وہ مذاکرات کے قابل نہیں تھے۔ ان کے پاس ایک وقت تھا کہ وہ کام کر رہے تھے ، لیکن پھر جب میں ان کے کام نہیں کر رہا تھا تو مجھے ان کے بارے میں فکر کرنے کی ضرورت نہیں تھی۔ اور پھر سسٹم بھی بنائیں اور دوسروں کو بھی شامل کریں جب آپ کو ایسا کچھ ہونے کی ضرورت نہیں پڑتی ہے جو مکمل طور پر آپ پر پڑ جائے۔

اور میری خواہش ہے کہ میں اس کے لئے اور بھی بہت کچھ واضح کردوں ، لیکن میں سمجھتا ہوں کہ میری روز مرہ کی زندگی شاید عموم نہیں ہے۔ اور اس ل my میرا نظام شاید آپ کے حوالے کرنے کے لئے خاص طور پر مددگار ثابت نہیں ہوسکتا ہے ، لیکن اگر آپ اپنے کیلنڈر کے ذریعے کام کرسکتے ہیں اور آپ کی سرگرمیوں اور سسٹمز کو کیا تلاش کرسکتے ہیں ، چیزیں جن کی آپ کو ضرورت ہے ، وہاں سے شروع کرکے اور ہر چیز کو ایک وقت اور ایک جگہ دینا اور ایک متعین علاقہ واقعی ذہنی دباؤ میں مدد فراہم کرے گا۔ نیز ، ٹائم مینجمنٹ میں ، لہذا اس پر ایک ٹپ۔ میں 80/20 کے اس قاعدے کو یہ مطلب سمجھتا ہوں کہ ہمیں 80٪ میں کچھ بھی کرنے سے پہلے 20٪ پر توجہ دینی چاہئے۔ لہذا ، میں یہ ہر دن انتہائی اہم اور موثر چیزوں سے نمٹنے کے لئے استعمال کرتا ہوں۔ اور میں نے کہا کہ میں اپنے فون پر اپنی نوٹس ایپ کو تھوڑا سا استعمال کرتا ہوں ، لیکن وہاں میں ، میں کسی بھی دن میں سب سے اوپر کرنے کی ضرورت والی تین سرگرمیوں کو پیش کروں گا ، یا ٹاپ 20 حاصل کرنے میں اس سے کچھ زیادہ اور ہوسکتی ہے۔ ٪ کیا۔ اور جب میرے پاس چیزوں کے ذریعہ کام کرنے کا وقت ہوتا ہے تو ، یہی وہ چیزیں ہیں جن کو میں پہلے ترجیح دیتا ہوں۔ لہذا اس سے پہلے کہ میں ان چیزوں کو کرنا شروع کردوں جو اہم نہیں ہیں ، میں ان چیزوں سے نمٹ لوں گا۔

سات ٹپ نمبر ، اور انتباہ ، اس سے پہلے کہ میں یہ کہوں ، مجھے معلوم ہے کہ حمل اور نوزائیدہ زندگی کے بعض مراحل میں یہ ہمیشہ ممکن نہیں ہوتا ہے۔ لیکن ٹپ نمبر سات ، بے رحمی سے نیند کو ترجیح دیں کیونکہ یہ وہ علاقہ ہے جس کو آپ واقعی 80/20 نہیں کرسکتے ہیں۔ یہ صرف وقت پر براہ راست مبنی ہے۔ آپ کو 20٪ وقت سونے سے آپ 80٪ نتائج حاصل نہیں کرسکیں گے۔ یہ کام نہیں کرتا ہے۔ تاہم ، مجھے لگتا ہے کہ آپ نیند کے معیار کو بہتر بنانے کے ل this اس خیال کو استعمال کرسکتے ہیں ، خاص طور پر اگر آپ اپنی نیند کا سراغ لگا رہے ہیں۔ میرے لئے یہ معلوم کرنے میں مجھے برسوں کے تجربات ہوئے۔ میرے خیال میں جب یہ نیند کی بات آتی ہے تو کچھ آفاقی انسانی مشترکات ہیں۔ تو میں ان کو بانٹ دوں گا ، لیکن میں یہ بھی سوچتا ہوں کہ آپ کی نیند کو جاننے میں کوئی قیمت ہے۔

ذاتی طور پر ، میں یہ اورا رنگ کی مدد سے کرتا ہوں ، اور آپ شو کے نوٹ چیک کرسکتے ہیں ، میرے پاس ایک ڈسکاؤنٹ کوڈ ہے جو آپ وہاں مل سکتا ہے اگر آپ کوئی وصول کرنا چاہتے ہیں۔ بنیادی طور پر ، یہ ایک انگوٹھی ہے جسے آپ پہنتے ہیں ، اور اس میں ہوائی جہاز کا انداز ہوتا ہے ، لہذا اگر آپ EMF کے بارے میں فکر مند ہیں۔ میں اسے ہمیشہ ہوائی جہاز کے انداز میں پہنتا ہوں۔ جب میں اسے پہنتا ہوں تو اس میں کوئی EMF نہیں ہوتا ہے۔ اور پھر جب میں چارج کرنے کے لئے چارجر لگاتا ہوں تو ، یہ بلوٹوتھ موڈ میں چلا جاتا ہے ، یہ میرے فون پر ہم آہنگ ہوتا ہے اور پھر ہوائی جہاز کے موڈ میں واپس چلا جاتا ہے۔ اورا رنگ میں آپ کی نیند کے معیار جیسی چیزوں کا پتہ چلتا ہے ، جو دیکھنے میں واقعی حیرت انگیز ہوتا ہے کیونکہ میں نے نیند کو بہتر بنانے والی چیزوں اور واقعتا up اس میں خلل ڈالنے والی چیزوں پر توجہ دینا شروع کردی۔

یہ آپ کی سرگرمی کو بھی دیکھ سکتا ہے۔ اس سے آپ کی دل کی شرح میں تغیر آتا ہے ، جس سے پہلے میں نے یہاں بات کی ہے۔ مجھے لگتا ہے کہ یہ واقعی ایک اہم میٹرک ہے کیونکہ اس طرح آپ کی مجموعی طور پر صرف موافقت اور طویل مدتی صلاحیت جیسے لمبی عمر اور ہر طرح کی چیزوں کی نشاندہی ہوتی ہے۔ اور یہ بہت ساری دوسری چیزوں کا بھی سراغ لگاتا ہے ، جسمانی درجہ حرارت سے درجہ حرارت ، آرام سے دل کی شرح وغیرہ۔ تاکہ ان سب چیزوں کو اصل میں ڈائل کرنے میں میرے لئے واقعی مددگار ثابت ہوا۔ یہ کسی شخص کے حساب سے کچھ مختلف ہوگا جیسے میں نے کہا تھا ، لیکن میرے خیال میں 20 things چیزیں میرے لئے سب سے بڑا فرق پیدا کرتی ہیں اور اس میں شاید کسی حد تک آفاقی طور پر اطلاق ہوتا ہے ایسی چیزیں ہیں جیسے صبح 10:00 بجے تک بستر پر رہنا۔

اور مکمل انکشاف ، میں اس پر اچھا نہیں ہوں۔ یہ ہر ایک رات میں نہیں ہوتا ہے۔ دراصل ، ایسا اکثر نہیں ہوتا ہے جتنی بار میں چاہتا ہوں۔ لیکن جب میں بستر پر ہوں اور صبح دس بجے تک سوتا ہوں تو مجھے نیند اور دل کی شرح میں تغیر میں نمایاں اور فوری طور پر سخت تبدیلیاں نظر آتی ہیں۔ اور میں جانتا ہوں کہ یہ ہمیشہ بچوں کے ساتھ ممکن نہیں ہوتا ہے لیکن جب بھی ہوتا ہے… اور میں ماں کی حیثیت سے بھی جانتا ہوں ، یہ تو مسلسل لڑائی ہوتی ہے ، آپ جانتے ہو ، “بچے بستر پر ہیں۔ میں تھکا ہوا ہوں اور میں سونا چاہتا ہوں ، لیکن میں صرف اس پرسکون وقت سے لطف اندوز ہورہا ہوں۔ ” اور میں اکثر اس میں پڑتا ہوں۔ میں اس کے بجائے چپ رہ کر خاموشی سے بھی لطف اٹھانا چاہتا ہوں۔ جب میں رات کو نیند کو ترجیح دیتا ہوں تو میری نیند میں پیمائش کے فرق موجود ہیں۔

نیز ، دو چیزیں جنہوں نے میری نیند کے معیار کے ساتھ مدد کی ہے جو میں ہر رات پیتے ہیں جب تک کہ میں روزہ نہیں رکھتا ہوں فور سگ سگٹک سے تعلق رکھنے والے ریشی ایلیکسیر ہیں ، جسے میں شو کے نوٹ میں اس سے جوڑ سکتا ہوں ، اور آرگنائفی سے سونے کا مشروب۔ وہ دونوں دراصل ریشی پر مبنی ہیں اور ان میں دوسری جڑی بوٹیاں ہیں جو نیند کے معیار کو بہتر بنانے میں معاون ہیں۔ اور میں اپنی نیند کی زیادہ تر پیمائش میں 10 to سے 15 improvement کی طرح بہتری دیکھوں گا جب میں ان کو استعمال کرتا ہوں۔ بالکل اسی طرح جیسے میں نے پہلے بتایا تھا ، میں ان کو ہر ایک دن استعمال نہیں کرتا ہوں کیونکہ میں ہر ایک دن کچھ بھی استعمال نہیں کرتا ہوں۔ لیکن میں زیادہ تر راتوں میں ایک یا دوسری پیتا ہوں ، اور میں نیند میں مدد کرنے اور اس میں تبدیلی دیکھنے کے لئے میگنیشیم بھی لیتا ہوں۔ لیکن میں آبادی کے ایک عجیب و غریب فیصد لوگوں میں سے ایک ہوں ، میں حقیقت میں رات کو میگنیشیم نہیں لے سکتا۔ لہذا میں دن کے وقت میگنیشیم لیتا ہوں اور پھر رات کو میری نیند میں فرق محسوس کرتا ہوں۔

ایک اور چیز جو سخت ہے اور جب بھی میں گھر سے دور ہوں اس پر میں نے اسے دیکھا ہے ، میں اپنے بستر پر چلی پیڈ یا اوولر کا استعمال کرتا ہوں اور پھر ، تندرستی کے ساتھ شو نوٹوں میں شامل افراد کے لئے ڈسکاؤنٹ کوڈ استعمال کرتا ہوں۔ But these are basically devices that have…the part that’s on your bed is not EMFs at all, and I have tested this. But it’s basically a thin pad that goes underneath your sheet but on top of your mattress and that a machine runs cooled water through, or it can actually be any temperature water between 55 degrees and 110 degrees. There’s a lot of data showing that the optimal sleep temperature is somewhere in between 60 and 70 degrees, and it takes a lot of energy to heat or cool our house to get within that range, and so just cooling our bed is much more energy-efficient.

The device itself is far enough away from the bed that it does not have measurable EMF readings when I’m in the bed. And I noticed just…I mean, noticeable without even tracking huge difference in my sleep when I use one of those devices. The Chilipad is the original. It’s less expensive. The Ooler is more expensive but slightly more effective. But again, check out the show notes at wellnessmama.fm for discount on both of those. I wish so much that I had known about those when I was pregnant because that whole pregnancy sweat and like postpartum sweat, I think it would have made a drastic difference. But I noticed a huge difference in sleep from those, and I’ve given those as Christmas presents to many people because I love them so much.

Another thing that makes a noticeable difference, especially over time, this is more cumulative but is sauna use during the day. And I know I’ve talked about sauna use in a couple recent podcasts, so I won’t go deep on all the benefits of that other than to say that the statistics are pretty incredible for a reduction of all-cause mortality, reduction of cardiovascular events, for weight loss, for all kinds of things. And when I sauna during the day, not too close to bedtime, I see sleep improvements, especially over time. Also movement during the day.

I’m not saying exercise. I know that it’s hard often as moms to fit an exercise. Like what’s gonna work for each person is such different here. But when I move in certain ways, I do notice improvements in my sleep. And so the things I typically tend to prioritize are things like just walking, not like intense walking. Just walking for fun makes a big difference. I’ve been doing high-intensity training only a couple times a week. I use the CAR.O.L. bike, but this can be done with sprinting or any kind of like cardio-based device. And that’s really just like a 10-minute thing. So it’s not a long program at all.

And then I just started integrating lifting weights a couple times a week, and that will temporarily reduce my HRV right after it because of the muscle pull or the muscle burn, but then over time, it gets much better. So, those are all kinds of the movements that have worked for me. Again, I think this is very individualized, and so those are the ones that work for me.

And then lastly, one tip for falling asleep more quickly and that I see about like for me usually about an 8-point improvement in my HRV when I do is using 4-7-8 breathing as I fall asleep. This is something I have written about, and I have a post about four sleep tips that actually work and also Dr. Andrew Weil mentioned on this podcast. But the idea is basically that you breathe in for a count of four and hold for a count of seven and then slowly breathe out for a count of eight. And the idea is you are using your breath to remove excess carbon dioxide from the body to calm and get into parasympathetic versus sympathetic nervous system. And it just overall helps.

I also find that when I prioritize sleep logically, I notice the effects in other aspects of life as reduced stress or being more efficient. So this is an area I try as much as possible not to compromise on and to prioritize. And I know that we probably all have that experience of when you don’t get enough sleep how everything seems so much worse and how when you have a great night sleep, you feel almost unstoppable. So, I get it. It’s easier said than done, especially as parents, but when we prioritize sleep, we get much more effective in other aspects of life.

Tip number eight, use the concept of minimum effective dose to fight perfectionism. So, I touched on this a little teeny bit in the 80/20 in the first tip. But to go back to this idea, minimum effective dose basically means identifying the minimum input needed to create the result you want. Often as parents, I think we do a lot more than is needed to get a result because we want our house to look perfect or we feel the pressure to entertain the kids all the time or cook fancy meals or whatever it may be. But minimum effective dose is the idea of doing the smallest amount possible to accomplish what you will need to do.

So as an example, water boils at 212 degrees. Tim Ferriss use this example in his books as he talks about this. Boiling at a higher temperature or longer does not make the water more boiled. It boils at 212, and it boils at any temperature above that. And I use this idea in areas like nutrition and fitness and house management and organization because it helps me battle perfectionism. I think I have a natural tendency towards perfectionism, and it’s not possible as a mom to maintain perfectionism in every area of life. So I try to, when I start falling in that mindset, go back to the idea of minimum effective dose and manage from there.

So, for instance, more working out is not necessarily better. I find that my body does better with less working out but very specific kinds. So I don’t do any type of long cardio whatsoever. I focus on high-intensity interval training or otherwise known as HIIT. And you can look for HIIT studies to see all of the studies about this, but basically, from a VO2 perspective and a cardiovascular perspective, that’s actually more effective than long-term cardio, and it doesn’t have the potential downsides. So there’s a lot of evidence that long-term cardio, especially running, can be really harmful for joints and also just for oxidative damage in the body.

So I do high-intensity interval training instead, minimum effective dose, more is not necessarily better, same thing with resistance and weights. I don’t need to lift weights for an hour a day. Just doing specific ones for a certain amount of time makes a big difference. And then I work in fun stuff, not for exercise, but just for fun. That’s like walking or swimming or paddleboarding and then the occasional intense stuff like pole vaulting just for fun.

I think there’s also an important minimum effective dose when it comes to stress relief or meditation or whatever you do in this area. For me, this means if I can focus on my breath for just 10 minutes a day, that’s my minimum effective dose. More meditating doesn’t actually make me more calm or happy. I’ve learned that from experimentation so that I don’t need to spend an hour a day meditating. I can accomplish that in 10 minutes a day.

So I’ll often use, for instance, tapping apps like The Tapping Solution or specific breathing exercises, or some days, I will use the cold. So I’ll sit in the cold tub for up to 10 minutes usually on 2, 5-minute increments, and that refocuses my mind, and I find my calm. So, this is again gonna be different for every single person, but if you start to analyze and pay attention in your life to what is the smallest amount that I can do to get the same result and stop doing extra stuff, that helps battle that perfectionism.

So, tip number nine, solve for the variable of reduced stress. I told you there’ll be math involved. I apologize in advance if math is not your thing. But what I realized years ago and what I would postulate to you is that it isn’t actually everything we have to get done that causes the stress. It’s knowing all of the stuff that we need to get done and having all of those mental loops open all the time. This is different for each of us, but I’ll share some examples of mine.

In figuring out systems for how to get stuff done, I think this is the variable that you start with because it isn’t always that we actually need to do less. In fact, a lot of times, we need to be able to get more done, although sometimes there may be a need to do less, and that’s something to analyze in each person’s life. But we need to solve…identify for and solve for the variables that are stressing us out the most. So in your life, what does this look like? What are the X and Ys of your stress equation?

Examples. I was trying to manage my whole family of eight in my head and then carrying the emotional and mental responsibility of everything that came with that family and all of those things rather than using the strategies that I had already used in business. So, using a lot of the things I’ve already talked about in this podcast and a few more that I’m still gonna cover, I started focusing on, “How can I reduce stress in this area and whatever it was, whether it was meal planning, whether it was work, whether it was kids?” And I solved for that variable. Now I’m able to actually do the same amount of stuff and actually probably get more done without the stress.

And, of course, 80/20 kind of plays into this as well being more efficient, more effective, the minimum effective dose, doing just what’s required and not overachieving in every single area. But to start to solve for this if this is a new concept for you, I would suggest making a list of all of the things that stress you out the most and then detail specifically under each one what makes things more stressful. And you may find like I did that it isn’t, for instance, cooking that causes the stress, is the constant need to figure out what to cook. It’s that 4 p.m. like, “Oh, my gosh, everything’s frozen. What am I gonna cook for dinner? I need to defrost something or finding the ingredients or cooking something and then family members not like it or complaining about it.” Those are all variables we can solve for.

I actually realized I liked the cooking a lot, and if I could solve for those other variables by planning ahead, knowing what was gonna be cooked, batch cooking and then cooking only meals that were nutrient-dense and that we all liked, I could pretty much solve for all of those variables. I’ll put some more specifics of that in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm. Another example, it may not be the actual laundry that causes the stress but the constant clutter related to the laundry or remembering to do it or forgetting the clothes in the washer and then smelling like mildew, or not having certain clothing when it’s needed and it’s sports time and a kid doesn’t have a jersey. We can solve for those variables as well.

Like I mentioned, you as a mom don’t necessarily need to do all the laundry, especially when your kids reach a certain age. For my kids, that’s about four to five. They’re able to handle their own laundry. Then it’s the conscious effort of stopping carrying the emotional responsibility. In fact letting them carry it because truly if they make it…if they show up at soccer practice in a dirty jersey that smells like sweat because they didn’t clean it, maybe they will learn that lesson. Whatever it may be, it’s finding what’s causing you the friction point, what’s causing you the stress and then solving for that.

So it might not be our kids causing stress but the constant questions from them not knowing the schedule or for them being bored. And we can solve for those two. We can create a family culture that avoids boredom. We can have a schedule that they know so they know when things are gonna happen and be prepared. There’s ways to actually take into account a lot of these variables. So make this list for yourself.

And then also I found it helpful to write out what a perfect scenario looks like in each of those areas when I wouldn’t be stressed. So, when the food was handled, what does that look like? When the laundry was handled, what did that look like? When the kids were all happy and not bored and integrated, what did that look like? And in some cases, solving for these variables could mean reducing. So for instance, if here kids are doing a ton of activities each week, and your stress is caused by the constant go-go-go-go and being a chauffeur and running them around, then maybe part of the answer is to reduce activities or to just focus on the 20% that they enjoy the most. If it comes from clutter around the house, it may be important to de-clutter, but often a lot of the stress can be solved with just systems. And so again, it’ll be different for each of us. I hope that my examples were somewhat helpful.

But also from a scheduling perspective, if you can define a time and a place for each activity and item, then you can take away its mental stress. So, for me, this meant when laundry was gonna happen at a certain time each day or each week, then I didn’t have to worry about it when it wasn’t going to happen. When I knew the meal plan for the next three months, I don’t have to spend any energy thinking about that. So find those things that are causing you the most stress and then solve for those first. The variables are different for each people…for each person, but the systems can be kind of universally applicable, and once you find yours, it gets a lot easier.

This episode is sponsored by Four Sigmatic… the reason I’m on shrooms (the legal kind) every day. They make a wide variety of superfood mushroom infused products from coffees and teas to elixirs and even chocolate that is infused with ten mushrooms! I have a shelf in my pantry just for four sigmatic products and keep pretty much off of them on hand. Some current favorites… my kids love the reishi infused cocoa, and I love that it helps them sleep! I also really enjoy their 10-mushroom blend which contains all of my favorites like chaga, cordyceps, reishi and even meshima. I add this to coffee, tea, or smoothies to get a daily dose of shrooms. As a listener of this podcast, you can save 15% by going to foursigmatic.com/wellnessmama and using the code “wellnessmama”

This podcast is brought to you by Gaia herbs and their black elderberry syrup! I’ve been a big fan of Elderberry syrup for years and theirs is the best premade one I’ve found unless you want to make your own. You can experience for yourself why it is America’s Favorite Organic Black Elderberry Syrup! It is the #1 best-selling organic Black Elderberry syrup in the U.S. This time of year, it is a medicine cabinet staple and immune season essential. Elderberry will help your family stay feeling well with the delicious immune elixir loved by adults and children alike. It is Certified organic – this powerful syrup concentrates the juice from 14.5 grams of elderberries in a single teaspoon, so it’s highly potent. It is made with just four clean whole-food ingredients and is vegan, dairy-free, gluten-free and soy-free, making it safe for most people. Black Elderberry Syrup is safe for the whole family and is formulated for adults and children age 1 and older. You can save big on Gaia Herbs by going to gaiaherbs.com/wellnessmama and use code WELLNESSMAMA at checkout for 20% off your first purchase

Tip number 10, get the family involved. So if you have kids, chances are they are probably part of the reason you have so much on your plate. With the goal of raising functioning adult humans and not perpetual children, it is I feel not just important but like actually vital to get the kids involved in the day-to-day operations of the house and the family, so they can learn life skills. And when we send them off into the world, they have those life skills. This has the benefit if we do it the right way of reducing stress for us as parents. And I touched on this in a couple of the other points about how natural consequences and kids being able to handle a lot of stuff.

But a few specifics just related to this, getting the family involved in creating this team mentality and culture. First rule…I’ve mentioned this a little bit before, but I’m gonna go deeper here. Stop doing what they can do for themselves. And, yes, there will always be exceptions to this, and, yes, I know that there may be times when I wanna spend time with my kids, I do something that they can do. But in general, universally, I have a rule that I won’t do something for my kids that they can do themselves. I know that as parents, we can do it right, or we can do it better, and it’s easier especially when they’re young. But this is part of the reason we are so stressed is because we do. We do it because we can do it right or better.

I know as a new mom, I used to think about this. I did a lot more for my children because it was easier. It was objectively easier for me to load the dishwasher than teach them how to load the dishwasher. With my first child and even with the second arrived, I still actually could do everything for everyone, so I did. And in some ways, it was easier just to do it all. It was easier to get them dressed than let them take forever and end up in a mismatched outfit.

But as I had more kids and as more was added to my plate, I realized this wasn’t a sustainable model. And I say this quite a bit and people are like, “Oh, my gosh, six kids. How do you get it all done?” I’m like, “Actually, I think having more kids has protected me and kind of saved me from a lot of the pitfalls I would have fallen into.” Because it came to a point where it was not possible to do everything for everyone anymore, and so I had to get them involved. And I can’t spend too much time with any one kid or spoil them or do everything for them because it’s just there aren’t enough hours in the day.

But more importantly than that, I’m glad that I had that realization because, as I mentioned, the goal is to raise adults, not adult-sized children. So, while it wasn’t a big deal objectively for me to do the dishes and the laundry for them at a young age, it would be at some point. And so I had to figure out when would be the best time to teach them these skills and get them involved, and I realized there’s only actually one logical answer to this question that makes sense across the board. And that is we should get them involved and require this of them as soon as they’re capable of doing these things on their own if the goal is to raise responsible adults.

So I realized for me that I was doing a lot of things for my kids that they could be doing on their own, and not only was this extra stress and burden for me, it wasn’t helping them in the long run anymore either. So I decided to give my kids more freedom by giving them the opportunity to learn these skills that they needed to function on their own and to feel the consequences of them when they didn’t. And I think that, of course, every child is different, every family is different, and ability and maturity vary from child to child. Even within my own kids, I see that. Some of my kids have taken on certain jobs much earlier than others. But often, they have surprised me in how quickly and easily they could take on these things and how well they could execute even at a younger age than I expected. So, I will link in the show notes just some general guidelines I’ve used of at what age they take over which activities.

But for instance, one of my daughters learned to do her own laundry when she was four. She’s been doing it ever since. So I think we often underestimate just how amazing and capable they are. But also just to reiterate when people ask how I get it all done and what the secret is, the secret is that I don’t. We do it together. We’re all part of a team. And they are involved and they very much contribute to the family. So actually, that’s tip number 11 too is to foster a team mentality and family culture. As I started changing that with my kids and started letting go of tasks that my children were capable of, another amazing thing happened. It fostered a team mentality in our family, and they now feel great about really contributing to our family because they actually do. Their contributions are important. The things they do around the house actually matter, and they are very much part of this team.

And certainly, in that transition, I had some moments of weakness where I try to just take things back over. But now this is part of our culture, and they get to really feel like they’re important to the family, and they actually are very important to the family. I realized at this point when I was making this switch, that there are many correlations between business teams and family. And I had mastered one in business, but until that point, I had not transferred those skills to the other. So, people think I have it all together and like I just get it all done. I talk about how years ago when I was really stressed and before I kind of put all of these things I’m talking about today in place, I think I realistically came very close to a nervous breakdown.

I had an amazing team at Wellness Mama to rely on, and things were running great. We had goals and systems that helped the business run really smoothly, and I didn’t usually feel very stressed in my work life. But at home, I was trying to manage everything, like I mentioned, on my own in my head. And unlike my business systems, I was flying by the seat of my pants, and I felt the stress as a result. So, this shift of everyone in our house being able to do the task they were capable of and to build that team culture was life-changing.

On the other hand, when I was handling everything myself and I was problem-solving for my kids, I was essentially sending my kids the message that they weren’t capable of doing those things on their own. So I was worried that I was gonna burden them if I required them to do these things, but really, I was treating them like long-term incapable guests in my home and not as an essential part of our family team. And now that they know that they’re involved and they feel like their contributions really matter because they do, this has strengthened our family bond and culture and led to less stress and more time together and things like you might have heard me mentioned before, our motto, you were made to do hard things, or our focus on constantly improving and learning and moving things forward. So, that team mentality has been really amazing for us.

Tip number 12. Rely on natural consequences versus nagging. And I mentioned this earlier in passing, but I think it deserves actually its own point because the other great part of this approach to handing off skills is the built-in use of natural consequences. Like I said, for me, when my kids handled their own laundry, they run out of clean clothes, guess what? They learn the importance of doing their laundry. I don’t hold on to the stress and the emotional responsibility anymore or worry about what will happen if they don’t get it done because it’s not my responsibility.

And other examples, my kids are homeschooled, but when we travel or whatever it may be, they are capable of making their own school lunches. They’re capable of doing most of their school work on their own. If they forget either of those things, rather than me rescuing them, kids get to learn from temporary hunger or a bad grade to remember these things in the future. And I know as parents, we wanna protect them from those hardships, but long-term, there’s not gonna be someone in their life to protect them from those hardships. So, I figure it’s much better to let them learn on a smaller scale in these relatively inconsequential things like being hungry for one meal than when they’re adults. And don’t get me wrong. I get the desire to protect our kids from discomfort, but the discomfort of natural consequences can have that long-term benefit. So these are things that we hold on to the stress and responsibility of and try to protect them from but we don’t need to. And in fact, it might actually be hurting our kids.

So, here’s what I realized. When I started looking at the data on this, it was really staggering. And the statistics are that one in four college-aged students and college graduates still live at home, one in four. Psychologists talk about there’s an increasing number of adults who have trouble actually making this shift into adult life outside of their parents. And it turns out, when we look at long-term data, our kids are happier, in the long run, the earlier they learn independence. The research shows that children who have really involved parents actually can have more anxiety and less satisfaction with life than children who are allowed to learn from natural consequences and play unsupervised and build things like social skills and emotional maturity and executive function in real-life situations versus being managed by adults.

So as much as some days I wish I could just freeze time and keep my kids little and like baby age forever, they are insistent on growing up, and they need to be prepared for adult life. And as adults, we face natural consequences all the time. That’s when I really realized I had to make a switch here. No one’s protecting me from these adult…from natural consequences as an adult. And I’ve explained this to my kids. If I drive too fast, I can get a ticket. If I forget to pay a bill, the electricity can get shut down. There’s no one who’s gonna like leap in and rescue me. That’s not how life works. And they needed to be able to learn this on a small scale before the stakes were quite so high.

Like I said, natural consequences are a very much a fact of life, and in my opinion, we need to give our kids the gift of being able to learn these baby steps from a young age. So this is not a thing you’ve done, which wasn’t for me in the beginning. I kind of tried to develop a system for implementing this without creating mutiny, because if your kids aren’t used to doing all this stuff on their own and then one day you just decide they’re gonna do everything on their own, you might have mutiny in your house.

So, when I decided to stop doing things they could do on their own, I realized it wasn’t gonna happen overnight and there was probably going to be some resistance. I thought about like…during this phase, there’s a quote I saw on Pinterest that said “Some moms run a tight ship. I run a pirate ship. There’s some swearing, some drinking and a touch of mutiny from the crew I created.” And I was trying to minimize the mutiny, but I needed a process for making the transition easier. And I created a system for this. I’ll put a link to a post with more detail in the show notes. But it was a four check handoff that was really helpful in handing things off to them, making sure they were prepared to actually do it. So in order for this method to work, I had to give them the skills to be able to actually be effective at the thing I was requiring them to do, so I wasn’t just giving them failure right off the bat.

So the four steps were, first was do it for them, and I had already done that. I was pretty good at it. But I let them watch, and I had them do…like watch me do it at first, and I explained the process. Second, I would do it with them. So, we would work on it together, and they could learn and they could ask questions. Third, I would oversee them. So the first couple of times, they unloaded the dishwasher, or they vacuumed. I would stay close and watch them, and they could ask questions, and I would give them constructive feedback. And then once they had been through those steps, I let it go. So they had a plan, they knew what the task was, and it became their responsibility. And I would still check in occasionally to make sure they were doing it well, but through that, I was able to hand off a lot of household tasks and let go of the guilt of feeling like I was solely responsible for managing the house and let them really actually become part of that process as well.

Number 13. Let go of perfection. Again, easier said than done. But one of the main reasons I was holding on to doing everything is I thought I was better at it, and I didn’t want it to be done the wrong way. And it took some self-reflection and realizing that it was better to have things get done even imperfectly through shared responsibility and through teaching my kids valuable life skills than to do it myself and be stressed all the time and be a resentful mom or a stressed-out mom or a tired mom but with kids who were dressed perfectly and like didn’t have to do anything.

I learned this in business years ago actually the hard way because I was a control freak, and I say that I’m a recovering control freak and recovering perfectionist. But I went through a phase of hiring people and not letting them do anything because I thought I could do it better, and I had to learn the hard way in business that everything got much more amazing and less stressful when I started actually integrating my team for what I hired them. So when I realized I could do each of these tasks better on my own, I certainly couldn’t do all of them better if I was doing everything. That’s the case in business, and that’s certainly the case in…at home as well.

The same was true at home. I could definitely do each task better than my child could, at least at first, but at the expense of them having a calm and happy mom and at the expense of them learning independence. So, yes, a few pieces of clothing were ruined in the making of this process with some stains, but long term, this was so worth it. And I now have extremely capable kids who are extremely self-sufficient. And a lot of people who I know in real life mention this all the time, how incredibly self-sufficient my kids are, which was my goal. And that way, things around the house are getting done.

And when I spend time with my kids, I am much more calm and present. They’re much more calm and present and we get to actually nurture that relationship versus me constantly running around my head chopped off doing everything. But this also meant learning to give practical feedback on the process and telling them I was proud of them for working hard, always praising the effort, and then giving constructive feedback so they could get better and better over time.

I’ve read a lot of business books about this, kind of the idea of growth mindset and so some just practical tips that helped with this for me for getting them to want to be motivated and actually to do these things and to give feedback without hurting their feelings is to focus on a long-term positive mindset. I didn’t expect or want them to get it all right all right away. The point is to get better step-by-step. So finding the things that they did good, finding and complimenting the effort and what that was and then giving baby steps to get better each time. And that was built into our team culture and our family of constant improvement. And that way, they wouldn’t take it personally or feel like I was nagging them when I gave feedback. And also we add the word “yet.”

So when they are learning something and they’re not good at it, or I do this too when I’m learning a new skill and I’m not good at it, any time we say we’re not good at something, we always add the word “yet” at the end of the sentence, leaving the thing open that we’re going to get better at it. And also reminding my kids that when something is hard, that is the feeling of a skill…of growing, of getting better, that that resistance is often the friction leading to a positive change, so not avoiding things when things get hard, and just always like phrasing these things as areas of growth versus things that they had to do.

Tip number 14. Cultivate unstructured play and stop entertaining. And this is another area that I had to learn to make some major changes in. I think modern moms, we feel the pressure to structure and oversee every moment of our kids’ lives, and I know I did. When my kids were younger, it was a big source of stress for a long time. I didn’t actually even know where this feeling was coming from, but I felt like I should be entertaining them, playing with them, and making sure they were interacted with every moment of every day.

Everything I’ve talked about over the years, this is now one of the topics that I feel the most strongly about because I think the way we are protecting our kids is actually doing them a severe disservice in life. And the stress of that is really hard on us parents as well. So, I would kind of posit these points that are important to remember because I think unstructured play outside is one of the best things we can do for the kids. And I’ve had guests on this podcast who talked about that from a vestibular and limbic system perspective, how they need it to develop risk tolerance and to know their boundaries and also even just that outdoor like movement and running and climbing and how that develops the brain. And a lot of parents still have resistance to that. So there’s a few important points to know about this.

Statistically and drastically, the world is safer than when we were kids. We had this idea because of the news cycle and constant negativity everywhere that the world is not that safe, but the world is statistically safer than when we were kids. Secondly, supervising kids at all times does not necessarily keep them safe either. Kids can have bad things happen even when we’re watching them. Number three, there are long-term negative consequences to over structuring and overprotecting, and we are starting to see the results of this in the generation that’s now reaching adulthood. And psychiatrists are worried about this. And four, these over structured, hectic schedules are actually damaging. It can be damaging to families and create more problems. And I’ve talked about the stress of those for moms in other parts of this podcast.

So when I talk about the world being safer, I’m not just talking about that kids are less likely to die of childhood illness from previous centuries because I think that’s the default. People try to think, “Well, yeah, the world is safer because medicine’s gotten better so kids are less likely to die from all-cause mortality.” And that is somewhat true, but it is statistically also safer for kids today than it ever has been in recorded history. Kids are less likely to die or be kidnapped by…die in an accident or be kidnapped than they ever have before. So despite the fear-mongering in the media, children are less likely to be abducted, harmed, or murdered than ever before. Not only that but kids need unstructured, free play outside for vital aspects of their development.

As I mentioned earlier in this podcast, we won’t always be there to protect our kids nor should we be. And I’ve talked to a lot of friends who are teachers, all the way from grade school through college professors, and they’re saying kids are increasingly unable to solve simple problems on their own because parents intervene for everything from grades to discipline problems in school because the stakes feel so high now. And parents are even intervening in like small children having just disputes outside when they’re playing, but the result psychologically is a generation of children who still basically need their parents to decorate their dorm room or manage their life or pay their bills. And personally, I don’t want six grown-ups who’s needing me to do all that for their entire lives.

I totally get that we wanna keep our kids safe and protected, but there’s a point when we have to start letting go of some of these things for their health. So thinking about this, there’s extremely tiny chance that something bad’s gonna happen to our children if they’re playing outside. In fact, statistically, if I’m remembering off the top of my head, I think that the number was like kids would have to play outside by themselves in our front yard for 750,000 years on average to actually get kidnapped. That’s how rare it is. But on the converse of that, there’s a 0% chance of children developing any street smarts by sitting on the couch watching TV. Kids aren’t learning problem-solving or creativity by being protected from uncomfortable situations or having their conflicts solved for them.

And so like I look at this, again, a little bit mathematically of like…the pros and the cons and also mathematically, which is the risk-benefit? Where do the numbers fall? We know that kids are on technology more and more, much more so than make sure they’re playing on screens more than they ever have, and they’re spending more time inside than they ever have. In fact, even in one generation, statistically, kids today spend less than half the time outside than I did as kids, and we spent more time…less time outside than our parents did. Kids also spend over 50% of their time more looking at screens than they do playing outside.

So, strictly logically, I think this is important because sitting and watching a screen is a sedentary activity. We know childhood obesity is on the rise. But eye doctors, I’ve interviewed a couple, are seeing vision problems in children at very young ages because of staring at screens for too long. And the blue light of screens are affecting our kids’ brains and circadian rhythms, but yet a lot of parents feel it’s safer to let our kids watch TV or be on their iPad than to climb a tree or ride a bike, even though climbing a tree, riding a bike, those actually both are important things for developing their right-brain, left-brain for their vestibular system. I did a podcast with Carol of Brain Harmony actually a couple if you wanna check those out of why those things are so important.

Also, I often hear the thing about what about kids and sex trafficking. Just statistically, kids are actually way more likely to be targeted on social media and then later abducted than they are to be grabbed by a random stranger on the street. So this is our area of concern. We actually should be keeping them safe online or keeping them off of technology and not worrying about them playing in the backyard. Kids being outside actually serves also a much more important purpose than just them running around and reducing the risk of obesity, which is huge, but they’re getting fresh air.

So, I’ve talked about before how indoor air is often hundreds of times more polluted than the outdoor air. So being outside is a great way for them to get some clean air. Also, just a few minutes outside every day, kids can get the vitamin D they need for many aspects of help that is statistically tied to reduced cancer risk, to decreased mental health problems, to absorption of other vitamins, to better sleep. It’s really super important. Also, them being outside, they’re exposed to natural light. Outdoor light is so much brighter than inner light. I mentioned this with why I go outside in the morning every morning, but daytime light exposure, especially in the morning, helps regulate hormones, cortisol, and circadian rhythm. And there are studies especially on children that this can really improve sleep. So our kids need to be outside for the light.

Also, for the sensory input. So I mentioned Carol from Brain Harmony. She’s an occupational therapist, who is helping correct a lot of these problems in kids. And she mentions how important like all the normal outside activities are for babies in a lot of ways. So we keep babies upright from the very beginning in high chairs, cribs, playpens. They’re not rolling around, moving around. They’re not developing their vestibular system like they should be. They’re not outside playing in the dirt, so they’re not getting the microbial or the sensory input from the grass or from crawling or from falling down, which is actually a very important part of brain development. And what they’re seeing over time is that when kids don’t get these inputs, they get more anxiety, they’re less creative, and they have more problems as older kids when they don’t do these things.

So, the lack of vestibular system development is also leading kids to be clumsier, not have as much balance and maybe tied to sensory issues. So, all that to say kids need unstructured play, and they need it outside. And I also think it needs to be unsupervised when it can be. Here’s why. So, like I said, we’re not letting kids have control of their own lives and figure out how to navigate these things psychologically. Think about when you were a kid, the things that pushed you just beyond your comfort zone, when you were super scared of taking that job or you were climbing a tree and it got scarier. You didn’t think you could do it, and then you did, or the first time you rode a bike or climbed a rope or whatever it was. That’s an important feeling of accomplishment for kids, and it teaches them to tackle bigger goals. But we’re protecting kids from having these experiences, which makes them more afraid to tackle bigger things later in life.

And another benefit of that unstructured play is that we’re not there to rescue them every time they get their feelings hurt. And I know this is hard. As a parent, it’s so hard to see your kids get their feelings hurt. None of them like to see them feel bad but they learn so much from these experiences. And in having their feelings hurt or having rough interactions with other kids their age, they learn important lessons like, “Not everyone in the world has the same opinion as me, but I can still get along with people who have a different opinion than I do.” And we’ve probably all met adults who might need to learn that lesson too. They learn things like, “If I’m mean to other kids, they won’t wanna play with me. And also they don’t have to play with me.” And that’s an important thing that kids need to understand when the stakes are small, kids, before they’re in a job setting, and they’re not getting along with coworkers or their boss, they learn things like, “I don’t always get to play what I want or choose the activity all the time,” that group activities require compromise. Again, another huge life skill as an adult and they learn things like that.

Relationships require the ability to work through conflict and to find compromise and that it’s worth it. But when we jump in and we facilitate this kind of intensive mediation for every minor infraction, like talk about our feelings and work them through it, they don’t get to figure out how to work those things through on their own. So, I think our overabundance of extracurricular activities and our over-involvement with our kids take away these important things that are needed for childhood development. So that’s why I’m a huge fan of unstructured outdoor playtime for kids, and I know that it can be hard.

This is one of the things I prioritize the most in life, and like we actually ended up not building a house we really wanted to build because we had an environment where our kids had this. And that was so important to us. And having this leads to healthier and happier kids, and like I’ve mentioned all these psychological benefits of doing that. It’s also great for moms because then we are free of feeling like we need to entertain them at all times. We’re not being bad moms by letting them play outside on their own. That’s actually very, very important for them, and they will learn. Like, my kids build forts. They’ve worked through things with friends. They’ve created all these games. They play outside constantly. They’re getting exercise. They’re getting all the benefits of outdoor play, and they’re getting the social benefits of working through those things. It’s a little bit of a rant on the soapbox there.

Tip number 15. Master your work life. Again, this is another tough area, and it’s so different for each of us. So I’m just gonna share some kind of broad, general strategies from my own experience. My work life is extremely probably abnormal. I don’t think anything’s gonna be directly applicable, so I’m just gonna share some generalities. As a mom, though, I’ve never liked this idea of work-life balance because there’s often no separation. Even at work, we’re still thinking about our kids. Even when we’re home, we know that there’s stuff we need to do at work. We are inherent multitaskers. So, balance is not just a moving target. It’s more of a complete myth for moms.

I prefer to think of it work-life integration because we have to operate so many systems at once, all the gears need to turn in the same direction at the same time to keep things moving forward. So, I analyze work in the same type of way that I analyze home stuff, and I make sure that they all integrate well. Me personally, I work from home most days, but I also homeschool and run the household. And though I’m grateful to have grandparents close by who help with school and have an assistant who helps with some business stuff, a lot of it is still up to me. And I realized that as humans, we will fill whatever time slot we give ourselves. So since I had the freedom to largely set my schedule, I had to keep this in mind and plan as such.

I realized that I realistically only had about two to three hours a day of real work time and that I was more effective, much more effective when that time was uninterrupted in a block together. So I started scheduling this when I knew that my kids could be occupied with other tasks like school or when they’re outside playing, and I only tackle the most important work stuff during that time. So in other words, when I only have two hours to get stuff done, I can get the same amount that I used to get done in eight hours done because I’m not checking email. I’m not on social media. I’m doing the most effective things that I have to do first.

I also batch whenever possible. So there are things on my list, like, again, my work schedule’s not normal, but like podcast recording and writing, I will often stick to one type of activity like that per day and then batch it. So I will record several podcasts in a row or do a writing day. That way my brain can stay on task and tackle those tasks better. I have employed a lot of the strategies above that I talked about in this podcast to make time for work by systematizing stuff I had to get done at home, by making sure my kids had time to play outside or stuff to work on so that I could be uninterrupted the rest of the time.

But like I said, my work is pretty unusual. I don’t have a normal job with set hours. So, I’m not sure my specific system would be helpful, but a couple things that I think are universally applicable would be only check email at certain times. Don’t even have it notify you the rest of the time and handling all of them at once. So I have short 20 minutes segments when I check email and Slack, and I don’t check it the rest of the time. I also think it’s really beneficial to have systems and standard operating procedures for everything, both at home and at work. This way I can delegate when needed, and it takes all the memory and stress out of it.

And then tip number 16 is to master your mind. And this may be the toughest step, but for me, this has been…it’s made the biggest difference. It took the longest and I’m still very much a work in progress. But you might have heard that joking quote online, “It’s like no one even appreciates that I stayed up all night worrying about them.” But the mom guilt is real, and the worry is real. And I think this is something that all of us face to some degree. This was also the last one I was able to tackle effectively. My house was managed, we had systems, we had minimized, I had systems for my kitchen, for work, but cleaning out my mind was the toughest step in it. Like I said, it’s still a work in progress.

To me, it goes back to the quote from Seneca, “There’s only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things that are beyond the power of our will.” And there’s a lot in that one sentence. It’s easy to say, it’s incredibly tough to do, but it’s also so freeing if you can do it. And it’s definitely not a change you can make overnight. In this one I had like over time, it took me probably a year before I actually noticed a really drastic change in this.

It’s actually easier to think of the things that are in our control than to list the things that are not in our control. And if we boil it down, the only thing we really have control over is our own character and our own response to things that happen. We can’t control anything else. There’s another quote from Epictetus, who I think this also really applies to moms, is that man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.

And this idea that we only are in charge of our own reactions and our own will is wonderful because it gives us control. But it’s also a big responsibility when we realize that all emotions and all stress comes from within because it’s so easy to wanna look for an outside source to blame. But outside forces don’t and can’t control our feelings. So knowing this releases us from a lot of stress when we pay attention to it and manage it. We can’t control how others feel about us. So we have to learn how to let that go. We can’t control the actions of others, even our kids. So we have to let that go. We can’t control or change the past. So we have to let that go.

We can’t control or change the weather or the possibility of some horrific event or any other outside factor. All we can control are our own thoughts and emotions, and we can gain incredible freedom when we really focus on that. Again, I get it, easier said than done. Like I said, this took the longest, but some practical things that really helped me.

Every single day, focusing on gratitude. So I love to start each day thinking of things I am grateful for, and I think, in general, gratitude is the antidote to a lot of worry and stress. And so I actually make a list of these things either in my phone or in a journal, just jotting down a few things over time that’s helped my brain switch into looking for the good versus looking for the negative. And once your brain makes that switch, all of this gets so much easier.

I think it’s also important to find the things that reduce stress physically because when we’re under physical stress, mentally, we stress much more as well. Like the things I’ve talked about earlier in this podcast, when I was able to optimize exercise and sleep and supplements, that made a difference for my mindset as well.

Also, learning to distinguish the difference between problem-solving and worrying. So I started paying attention and asking myself if a certain thought pattern was productive and was gonna lead to a good outcome which is problem-solving or if I was just worrying. And if I was just worrying and this thought process was not gonna actually lead to solving the problem, then I would interrupt it. I would do something that I needed to do to change it to stop that train of thought. I would either read something else to change my thoughts, go move, go outside, and come back with a fresh perspective. That way I wasn’t wasting mental energy if I wasn’t gonna solve a problem and it was just gonna make me stressed.

And then I also learned to do something called fear-setting, which Tim Ferriss talks about, and then let go. So rather than worry about all the bad things that could happen, I would actually think them through to their worst-case scenario and then think about what would happen if I had to face that. So, in many cases, the worst-case scenario wasn’t actually that bad, and I would be able to manage it just fine. And certainly, there are things that would be like much more difficult and seem unsurmountable like the loss of a loved one or some kind of huge disaster. But I knew I couldn’t control those things and that worrying about them wasn’t going to stop them from happening.

So I went back to focusing on gratitude and being present with the people I loved in the moment. Like I said, this is still a daily work in progress for me, but over time, my mindset has so much shifted from focusing on the negative to trying to focus on the positive. And I’m able to let go of the things that are not in my control, and I’m so much less mentally stressed.

And then lastly, tip number 17. All of this points toward finding your own way and taking baby steps. And if I’ve learned one thing in the last 13 years of motherhood and in this process, it’s that what works for one person won’t always work the same for another. It took me years to find my own versions of all of these things. And I’ve shared specifics in the hopes that they will help you. But at the end of the day, we each have to create our own systems based on our own schedules, our own lives, and things that would work.

So I would say based on my experience, start with small, little baby steps that are manageable and that you know you can integrate over time and integrate them before you add more things on. So rather than try to overhaul your entire life in one day, start with you find those 80/20, find the 20% most effective and start there. Make sure that you’re getting enough sleep. If meals and food is a big stress, start with that. If it’s laundry, figure out the thing that’s gonna take away the most stress from you and start there.

I also think, and you hear me say this all the time, but that community is a huge aspect of any change. So find a group of friends or support and have that. That’ll help your mental state, that’ll help your stress level, and that will also help you stick to this if you have accountability. I’ve heard it said that we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. So I think we need to choose these people wisely and then nurture relationships that help us become better and that we can help them become better as well. So I hope that some of the things in that were helpful.

As always, thank you for listening. If you have any follow-up questions, please post them in the show notes. That’s always at wellnessmama.fm. I will try to answer them. And this is a topic I’m going to be writing about more and more and talking about more on this podcast. So if you enjoyed, just leave questions there, and I will try to address any follow up ones in future episodes. Also, if you enjoyed this episode or any episode, I would be very grateful if you would leave an honest rating or review in whatever app you use to listen, whether that’s iTunes, Spotify, etc. This helps others to find the podcast and it helps with rankings. But as always, thank you so much for listening, for sharing your time with me today, and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the “Wellness Mama Podcast.”

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.



Source link

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back To Top