Gabrielle Bernstein on Healing Trauma & Finding Joy


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This event, I’m really excited to share with you today, because it’s all about trauma relief, being free from shame, being happy, and being a superhero. I’m here with Gabriel Bernstein, the best-selling author in the New York Times on books such as “Your Back in the Universe,” and “Super Attractive,” which were released last year. She has been featured on almost every TV show since Opera’s Supersol Sunday, Dr. Oz Show, all kinds of networks, and she hosted the most guided meditation in the Guinness World Records with Deepak Chopra. Of

The reason I wanted to keep her is that she too has been traumatized in the past, and she has recovered and then let her recovery be a way to help other people. And since trauma recovery has been a big part of my story for some time now, I’ve raised a lot of questions, and I don’t consider myself qualified as a mental health or trauma rehabilitation specialist, but I ‘I’m trying to connect you with as many people as possible who are a good resource for it, and I think Gabby has a lot of resources, and I’m excited to share that, and I will share these resources with you today. Gabby, welcome. Thank you very much for coming here.

Gabby: I’m glad to be with you.

Katie: It’s an honor to talk to you. I have read many of your books and I have known your work for a really long time. And for me, the last two years have been a journey of healing from trauma and such a recovery that has resulted in a weight loss of 80 pounds and it has completely changed my life. And since I’ve shared my story, a lot of people have come up with questions like how did you work through it and where do you start? And I have a similar trauma or a similar story. Where do I start? And I think you’re just such an amazing voice for that, that I knew I had to talk to you. And if you don’t mind, I’d love to hear a little bit of your story right from the start, because your recovery and healing is really an amazing story.

Gabby: Well, first of all, I want to respect you because anyone who is brave enough to face trauma is a fighter. Really this is, ah, this is something I think most people are very afraid to face, that’s why so many people get used to or why they become, that’s why we Run away So when we get so brave that we can even listen to a podcast with this topic, that’s a big deal. So whoever is listening right now, may God bless you and you, I really want to bow before you for your bravery because I am going through it myself and I will really say that I Today I am most proud of myself. Do I have the courage and the desire to go to places that frighten me so that I can come to the other side so that we can start from there?

I have been a spiritual teacher for 15 years, but before that I was just the opposite. In my early twenties, I was running a nightlife PR company. And I was running, running, running, running from something I was unaware of. I didn’t know which way I was running, but I was very anxious all the time. I was constantly addicted to physical instability, in relationships that did not serve me. And eventually I became addicted to cocaine and alcohol, but basically cocaine, which someone, unfortunately, experienced cocaine addiction, you know, it’s a very dark drug, but at the same time, It’s also a drug that takes you down. So at the age of 25 I was so blessed to be really ready to change on my knees because it was life or death for me.

And in the deepest circles of my addiction came a voice inside me that knew I was running away from something but didn’t know what it was. A voice came to me that wanted more. I had books to help me with my bed. I constantly read and searched through them and the magazine. I was looking, looking, looking, using all the time. But by the grace of God, at the age of 25, I decided to live clean and comfortable, and I took that covenant not only with myself, but eventually with a wider world. My decision to be lazy was for my own personal development, but also for my spiritual awakening, after which I became a spiritual jinn, now the author of eight spiritual helper books and most importantly, a shame. Shifter

Someone who is really vulnerable to living a life of instability and honesty so that I can overcome the shame of drugs and trauma and become a voice for recovery. My recovery began with my autonomy, but went far beyond that. My modest recovery was a step, but then I kept going. I’ve been through workholes for many, many years and finally I really hit another level with it, which is just reminiscent of childhood trauma. So, in 2016, I dreamed of being sexually abused as a child and then growing up to be an adult. When I woke up, I thought to myself, no hell, I’m not going to touch it. I’m never talking about it. I’m not going anywhere with it. After that I was in the days of a therapy session to be reminded of it completely. Not completely, but accepting the memory of that moment. When we are children and we have this kind of trauma, we can separate from what was the case for me. But as soon as I accepted my experience as a child, I realized that this is why I use drugs and alcohol. That’s why I’ve been a workaholic. That’s why I have seizures. That’s why I’m in chronic pain. That’s why, that’s why, that’s why, and that conversation, that’s why I went to you, I know, I could go “for that reason” for hours. TMJ, sleep problems, everything. So I have been on a very dedicated journey since 2016 to heal from this traumatic memory and the traumas of my history. Ah, and most recently I’ve been recovering from trauma. I am fine after 16 months and when I gave birth to my child, after that I gave birth to my child, after that I expressed the mental stress that comes after me.

Congratulations because it has once again deepened my personal development journey. Every time we hit those bottles, we get bigger. So healing from trauma has become even more grounded. And even more freedom comes from coming to the darkest moment of my life, which was later depression. So it’s a quick way to say it in a very different way that has been a long journey of recovery, but I really want to acknowledge that in this whole journey of recovery, I’ve accepted it wholeheartedly. , But I have had every experience. It was exactly what I needed to become the woman I am today. And so that I could face the places within me that frightened me. So that I can tell you what freedom really looks like and how I can help guide people through the spiritual and psychological methods and practices that I have used over the years to help others become free and learn about mental illness and It has helped guide people spiritually and spiritually to know what it feels like to be traumatized. And sounds like. And to know what addiction is from a very weak and authoritative place, which has helped me save lives in many cases. So I’m grateful for all that.

Katie: I like it. And I just like that, I like that you introduced the term “shame” and the term “shame”, which is so perfect because I think especially for women, they are definitely a lot of women somehow. The shock is passing in shape and we hear horrible statistics about it. But then there are all these layers that come after it. I feel like the shame and embarrassment associated with things like mental illness, postpartum depression or abortion, just like a woman’s existence needs all these aspects, it’s just that embarrassment. And I know it was a long process for me that embarrassed and punished all those layers and tried to take away the emotions that often came with it. And even that feeling, you, I’m very driven and I felt like life has benefited me. And so I’m worried if I work through it, am I going to lose my edge? Will I stop being driven? Will I stop being so productive? And it’s just that there are so many layers, so I would like to go a little deeper, especially for women, but whoever is listening, how can we be in danger of this shame? And you can start moving towards that lesson. For you, thank him now

Gabby: Oh yes. Well, first of all, I just wanted to talk to you directly, you know, would I lose my edge? You know, I think the drive that shocks people is actually driven by fear. So yes, sometimes traumatized people can afford it and do nothing. And then you and people like you can fight, fly, freeze. We were in flight, right? And in this state of flight, you can sometimes be very productive because it’s another form of running. So I just wanted to acknowledge that since you are in good health and you are in it, this beautiful journey, alas, I don’t mean to be your coaching right now, but I just, I just heard and I I wanted to answer that you will not lose your edge, that you will lose the edge and it will become another flow of creation and you will be able to work less and attract more. So I just really want to be a voice of hope for you and I imagine you are already on that path. As far as shame is concerned, so many people don’t even recognize their shame, they don’t speak for themselves. I was one year into my recovery, recovering from my trauma. It’s been a year since I remembered this trauma and we had a workshop I was leading and there was another teacher who was with her and I was sitting in her program and her He expressed embarrassment in the program. And I sat in this room for the first time, on this occasion, at that time, perhaps a decade of personal and spiritual development, and a decade of education and writing behind me.

And that was the moment when I really saw myself and said, Sir, it’s all a shame. I am embarrassed by the abuser. I am ashamed of being abused. I’m ashamed of being addicted. I am ashamed of not feeling good and of being incompetent. I’m ashamed of all the devastation I’ve had in my past; but mostly I’m ashamed of a child who was neglected and found unbearable. Because when there are moments in our childhood that separate us, that separate us from the God within us, the love within us, the story that surrounds us is that I am invincible and I Be ineligible And to feel unbearable in this place is a very embarrassing place for a child. So that person, the child will do his best to avoid this feeling. And it becomes a lifetime of avoiding that feeling. That was my experience. So recognizing my embarrassment, which was a decade away from my career, was really a big turning point for me.

Katie: Yeah, I think it’s really deep and it looks like a lot of people, I mean, I guess the vast majority would take some version of this kind of filter in their head. “I’m not in love or I am.” I’m not capable “Or it was for me, I’m not good enough. And I’ve always been trying to be good and I don’t know if it’s the same for you or not, but like you did. Thanksgiving is upon us, which means the holiday season is in full swing. I’m really grateful for the lessons learned and the things I’ve learned from the trauma, and I don’t have to be embarrassed or embarrassed. But it was like a fear to release because I felt like these things kept me safe for a long time and recognized me like these mental filters. I had to do what I did to protect myself. They protected me for a long time. Or even a shield like body weight that I protected for a long time and now I let it go. Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either, Looks like BT aint for me either, Looks like BT aint for me either, Looks like BT aint for me either, Looks like BT aint for me either, Looks like BT aint for me either, Looks like BT aint for me either, Looks like BT aint for me either, Looks like BT aint for me either. It’s so perfect. And, and you’re right, I think it’s like we’re on a constant journey. I thought I had dealt with most of them and I feel at this great place. And then with lockdown and quarantine, the first week was like getting angry and I didn’t want to eat anything and I was working non-stop and I also felt like I wanted to take part in a fight And I couldn’t guess. Outside of what it was before.

And finally, talking to a therapist, I realized that because of the trauma I was going through, I would never feel helpless. That’s why I kept all these systems in place so that I would never be helpless. I could always be in control. And then the big thing happened that I had no control and she came back helpless. And so I faced it again. But in a way it was also a beautiful opportunity because I was able to recognize and work through it and face a kind of face that I thought I had already dealt with. Is. And that is, I like your point of view and you have mentioned that it is about thanking and finding lessons in many of your books and being grateful in all of them. I think you just, you framed it so beautifully.

Gabby: Well first, Katie, I just want to admit that you’re not alone, in the first week of the Corona virus trauma again. So first of all, I mean, I was there with you. Anger was my first emotion. لیکن دنیا ابھی صدمات سے دوچار حالت میں ہے اور خاص طور پر ایسے افراد جو گہرے تکلیف دہ زخموں سے دوچار ہیں بہت لات مارے ہوئے ہیں ، بہت متحرک ہیں۔ اور وہاں موجود ہر شخص کے لئے جس کے پاس صحیح وسائل ، صحیح علاج معالجہ یا نفسیاتی رہنمائی نہیں ہے ، اگر ضروری ہے تو ، آپ کو ایسا لگتا ہے جیسے آپ اس وقت بہت متحرک ہیں کیونکہ کسی صدمے میں مبتلا شخص کی گہری جڑ کی خواہش ہے۔ کنٹرول میں محسوس کرنا ہے۔ یہ میرا اعتقاد ہے کیونکہ ہمیں ایسا تجربہ ملا ہے جو ہمارے قابو سے باہر ہوچکا ہے کہ ہم اپنے آپ کو محفوظ رکھنے کے لئے قابو میں رکھنے کے لئے جو کچھ بھی کرسکتے ہیں کریں گے اور یہی وہ بات تھی جس کے بارے میں آپ کہہ رہے تھے کہ میں پھر کبھی بے بس نہیں ہوجاؤں گا۔ یہ کہنے کی ایک اور شکل ہے کہ میں پھر کبھی قابو نہیں پاؤں گا۔ لہذا جب وبائی مرض مبتلا ہوجاتا ہے اور ہم سے ہمارا کنٹرول لیا جاتا ہے ، تو ہم اب محفوظ طریقے سے گروسری اسٹور پر نہیں چل سکتے اور اپنے بچے کے ساتھ چل سکتے ہیں یا ہم اپنے بچوں کو اسکول نہیں بھیج سکتے ہیں یا جس طرح سے ہم نے زندگی پیدا کی ہے۔ ایسا لگتا ہے کہ بظاہر محفوظ ہم سے لیا گیا ہے۔ ہماری تاریخ کے تکلیف دہ واقعات انتہائی متحرک ہونے جارہے ہیں۔ اور یہ کسی کے ل’s ہے ، چاہے آپ کو شدید صدمہ ہو یا نہ ہو ، ہم سب پری چوٹ والی حالت سے گزر رہے ہیں اور میں پہلے سے صدمے سے کہتا ہوں کیونکہ اب ہم اس کے ذریعے کام کر سکتے ہیں تاکہ ہم پی ٹی ایس ڈی کے ساتھ باہر نہ آئیں۔ یا ایمانداری سے میں ایک بننے جا رہا ہوں ، میں بہت طویل عرصے سے کتابیں لکھ رہا ہوں گا اور ہمارے لئے رہنمائی ہوگی جب ہم اس سے باہر آجائیں گے اور وہاں بہت زیادہ پی ٹی ایس ڈی ہوگا اور ہوگا۔ پھر حمایت کریں۔

لہذا میں صرف کسی کو بھی تسلیم کرنا چاہتا ہوں جو ابھی سن رہا ہے کسی وقت اس طرح ذاتی نشوونما کے لئے کھلا ہے۔ لہذا یہ تجربہ لے رہا ہے کہ ہم ابھی گزر رہے ہیں جہاں ہم قطعی طور پر متحرک ہیں ، بالکل دوبارہ صدمے سے دوچار ہیں اور پوری طرح سے متاثر ہوچکے ہیں جو مکمل طور پر قابو سے باہر ہے ، جو اس شخص کا سب سے بڑا خوف ہے جس کی صدمے کی کسی بھی طرح کی تاریخ ہے۔ اور یہاں تک کہ آپ میں سے وہ لوگ جو اسے یاد نہیں رکھتے یا نہیں پہچانتے ہیں ، قابو سے باہر ہونے کا احساس بہت ہی شدید ہے۔ اور اسی وقت جب ہم واقعی روحانی بنیاد پر بھروسہ کرنا شروع کر سکتے ہیں۔ اسی وقت جب ہم نماز کے مشق ، مراقبہ کی مشق ، اور یہاں تک کہ اپنے اعصابی نظام کو خود کو منظم کرنے میں خود کو بنیاد بنانے کے ل even علاج کے طریقوں پر بھروسہ کرسکتے ہیں۔ کیونکہ جب ہم متحرک حالت میں ہوتے ہیں تو ، ہمارے کورٹیسول کی سطح چھت کے ذریعے گولی ماری جاتی ہے ، جو ہمارے جسم میں سوزش پیدا کرتی ہے ، جو ہمارے معدے کو واقعی خرابی میں مبتلا کر دیتا ہے ، جس سے ہمارے جسمانی تکلیف میں اضافہ ہوتا ہے ، جو ہمارے تعلقات کو عدم استحکام سے دور کرتا ہے۔ آخر کار ہمیں ایک متحرک موقف میں ڈال دیتا ہے جو کہ بہت ہی اجنبی ہے۔

اور اس جگہ ہم مواقع ، کثرت ، روابط ، مدد کو اپنی طرف متوجہ نہیں کرسکتے ہیں جو ہمیں ابھی درکار ہے۔ لہذا یہ وقت آگیا ہے کہ خود کو منظم کرنا سیکھیں۔ سچ تو یہ ہے کہ ، خود کو باقاعدہ بنانے کا طریقہ سیکھنے کا ہمیشہ وقت رہا ہے ، لیکن اب پہلے سے کہیں زیادہ ، اور اس لئے ہم اس کے بارے میں تھوڑی بہت بات کر سکتے ہیں۔ میں بھی اس پوڈ کاسٹ پر کچھ ٹولز دے کر خوش ہوں۔ لیکن میں آپ کے سوال کا جواب دوں گا یا تشکر کے تصور سے بات کروں گا کیوں کہ اس وبائی امراض کے درمیان ہم اس وقت جس کے سب سے زیادہ شکر گزار ہوسکتے ہیں وہ یہ ہے کہ ہم ایک مختلف راہ کا انتخاب کرنے کا موقع ملنے پر شکر گزار ہوسکتے ہیں۔ ابھی ہم اس بے حسی سے جدا ہو سکتے ہیں اور الگ ہو سکتے ہیں یا ہم جاگ سکتے ہیں۔ ہم ذاتی ترقی کی راہ ، روحانی نشوونما کی راہ ، دنیا کو سمجھنے کے ایک مختلف انداز کا راستہ ، پیار کی عینک سے دنیا کو دیکھنے کا ایک طریقہ ، ہمدردی کی عینک سے دکھائی جانے والی مزید یکجہتی کو دیکھ سکتے ہیں ، زیادہ مربوط ہونے کا احساس ، روحانی رشتے میں بیدار ہونے کا احساس۔ یہ وہ موقع ہے جس کے لئے میں ان کا مشکور ہوں۔

کیٹی: مجھے یہ پسند ہے۔ اور میں اس خیال میں جانا پسند کروں گا کہ تھوڑا تھوڑا بہت زیادہ خود کو منظم کرنے کا طریقہ اس لئے کہ وہ میرے لئے ذہن میں رہا۔ اور میں یہ بھی محسوس کرتا ہوں کہ اپنے بچوں کے لئے ابھی تھوڑا سا کہنا پڑتا ہے کیونکہ مجھے لگتا ہے کہ بوڑھے بچوں کو بھی اس طرح کے کنٹرول سے باہر نکلنے کی کوشش کرنے اور تمام غیر یقینی صورتحال میں کچھ اسی طرح کے تجربات ہو رہے ہیں۔ اور مجھے وکٹر فرانکل کا حوالہ پسند ہے جو کہتا ہے کہ “محرک اور ردعمل کے مابین ایک جگہ ہے۔ اور اس جگہ میں ہمارے جواب کو منتخب کرنے کی ہماری طاقت ہے۔ اور ہمارے جواب میں ہماری ترقی اور ہماری آزادیاں ہیں۔ اور مجھے لگتا ہے کہ آپ ٹھیک ہیں ، جیسے ہم اندر ہیں ، اگر ہم اسے اس طرح سے دیکھیں تو ، ہم ابھی ترقی کے ایک بہت ہی انوکھے موقع میں ہیں اور قریب قریب ، میں نے کسی کو سنا ہے کہ اس کو کسی قسم کا کوکون کہا جاتا ہے۔

جیسے کہ ہم اس مشکل وقت میں ہیں ، لیکن ہمارے پاس یہ اختیار ہے کہ ہم اس کے ذریعہ سے بدلاؤ کریں اور دوسری طرف بہتر طور پر ابھریں۔ لہذا میں آپ کو خود سے متعلق قوانین سننے میں خوشی محسوس کروں گا ، خاص طور پر دوسرے تمام والدین کے سننے کے جو شاید ابھی مغلوب ہوگئے ہیں اور گھر میں بچے ہیں اور ایک نئی حقیقت پر گامزن ہیں۔

گیبی: یہ وہ اوزار ہیں جو میں ہر ماں یا والد یا شخص چاہتا ہوں ، انسان آقا کی بات سن رہا ہو۔ اور جیسے ہی آپ ان طریقوں پر عبور حاصل کریں گے ، تب آپ انہیں اپنے بچوں کو دے سکتے ہیں کیونکہ وہ ایسے اوزار ہیں جو آپ کسی بچے کو دے سکتے ہیں جو ان کی زندگی کا رخ بدل دے گا۔ یہ بالآخر ایک لچکدار بچہ ہے۔ ایک بچہ کی حیثیت سے جو خود کو منظم کرنا جانتا ہے۔ اور یہ وہ ٹولز ہیں جو ہم میں سے بیشتر کو کبھی بطور بچوں ، کبھی ، کبھی ، کبھی ، کبھی ، کبھی ، کبھی بھی تحفے میں نہیں لیا جاتا تھا۔ لہذا میں پہلے بچے کے حصے میں جاؤں گا ، لیکن آئیے پہلے خود اپنا آکسیجن ماسک لگائیں اور والدین یا بڑوں کی حیثیت سے اپنا خیال خود رکھیں۔ تو میں واقعتا beautiful ایک خوبصورت بااختیار بنانے کا طریقہ جو میں دن بھر استعمال کرتا ہوں ایک ہولڈ ہے۔ یہ ایک دل کی گرفت ہے جہاں آپ اپنے بائیں ہاتھ کو اپنے دل پر اور دائیں ہاتھ کو اپنے پیٹ پر رکھتے ہیں۔ اور سانس پر آپ اپنا ڈایافرام بڑھاتے ہیں۔ آپ اپنا ڈایافرام واقعی میں صرف آگے بڑھنے دیتے ہیں اور بڑھا دیتے ہیں ، جب آپ اپنا ڈایافرام آرام کرتے ہیں تو آپ سانس لیتے ہیں اور جب ہم یہ کرتے ہیں تو آپ آنکھیں بند کرسکتے ہیں۔ اور سانس چھوڑ کر رہا کریں۔

سانس باہر نکالیں ، چھوڑیں اور چھوڑیں ، سانسیں نکالیں اور سانس نکالیں اور چھوڑیں۔ اور سانس اور سانس کے ساتھ ، اب آپ خود سے کہنا شروع کرسکتے ہیں ، اور میں پہلے کہوں گا ، لیکن آپ خود خاموشی سے کہہ سکتے ہیں ، میں محفوظ ہوں۔ میں محفوظ ہوں ، میں محفوظ ہوں ، میں محفوظ ہوں ، میں محفوظ ہوں ، میں محفوظ ہوں۔ بس ایک گہری سانس لیں اور اس احساس کو سلامتی اور سانس کے ساتھ رکھیں ، بس اسے جانے دو۔ تقریبا simple ایک منٹ میں یہ آسان عمل آپ کی توانائی کو منظم کرسکتا ہے۔ یہ کیا کر رہا ہے سانس دراصل آپ کے دماغ میں آکسیجن بھیج رہی ہے ، جو آپ کے عصبی اعصاب کو متحرک کرتی ہے ، جو ریگولیٹ کرنے جارہی ہے… یہ اعصاب ہے جو آپ کے پورے اعصابی نظام کو منظم کرتا ہے ، آپ کے معدے کی نظام کو آرام دیتا ہے۔ یہ آپ کو امن کی حالت میں واپس لے آئے گا اور پھر چلتا رہے گا۔ اگر یہ اچھا محسوس ہوتا ہے تو ، مزید چیزوں کے لئے جائیں۔ آپ یہ لمحہ میں کرسکتے ہیں۔

آپ اسے غسل میں کرسکتے ہیں۔ جب آپ صبح اٹھتے ہیں اور آپ بستر پر پڑتے ہیں تو آپ یہ کر سکتے ہیں۔ جب آپ آدھی رات کو جاگتے ہیں تو آپ یہ کرسکتے ہیں اور آپ کو نیند میں پڑنے کی ضرورت ہے۔ بس پکڑو اور کہو ، میں سلامت ہوں۔ اگر میں سلامت ہوں تو ، آپ کے ساتھ گونج نہیں کرتا ہے۔ آپ کہہ سکتے ہیں ، میرا خیال رکھا جاتا ہے ، میری حمایت کی جاتی ہے ، مجھے پیار کیا جاتا ہے۔ جو بھی تصدیق آپ کو راحت محسوس کرتی ہے۔ یہ آپ کو گراؤنڈ کا احساس دلاتا ہے۔ اور ایک بار پھر ، میں اس کا اشتراک کرنا پسند کروں گا ، آپ جانتے ہو ، لوگ اپنے بچوں کے ساتھ اس کا اشتراک کرتے ہیں۔ سب سے اہم بات جو ہم ابھی خود انضباطی عمل کے ل doing کر رہے ہیں وہ واقعتا our ہمارے غیظ و غضب کو بھی آزاد کررہی ہے کیونکہ میں سمجھتا ہوں کہ یہ غم و غصہ ہے جو ہماری زندگی میں اتنے زیادہ رد عمل کا سبب بنتا ہے۔ اور یہ واقعی ڈاکٹر جان سارنو کے کام سے نکل رہا ہے جس نے شفا یابی کے درد اور دی منڈوبیڈ نسخہ جیسی کتابیں لکھیں اور ان کا پورا عقیدہ نظام یہ ہے کہ دائمی درد ناقابل معافی غصے کا براہ راست نتیجہ ہے۔

لہذا ابھی ہم ہیں ، یقینی طور پر چالو ہو رہے ہیں اور اسی ایکٹیویشن میں ، یہ قہر جو کئی دہائیوں سے ہمارے اندر پھیلا رہا ہے۔ لہذا ایک کام جو آپ کر سکتے ہیں وہ صرف سیر کے لئے جانا ہے اور اسے چیخنا ہے۔ آپ واقعی میں لفظی طور پر جنگل میں چیخ سکتے ہیں اگر یہ ممکن ہو تو ، ایک ایسا طریقہ جس پر میں مشق کر رہا ہوں کہ میرے دوست نیکول سیکس نے مجھے وہی پڑھایا جسے انہوں نے جرنل کی تقریر کہا تھا۔ میں اس صفحے پر غصے کو کہتے ہیں۔ میں نے اپنے جریدے میں 20 منٹ تک شور مچایا۔ یہ ایک ایسا طریقہ ہے جس نے اس نے تقریبا a ایک ماہ قبل مجھے دیا تھا۔ اور میں اس طرح تھا ، اس نے میری زندگی کو تبدیل کردیا ہے۔ جریدے میں صفحہ پر بیس منٹ کی رگڑ اور پھر 20 منٹ کی مراقبہ۔ اور میں نے اس میں جو کچھ بھی شامل کیا وہ دراصل بونورال موسیقی یا اسپاٹائف کی دو طرفہ موسیقی تھی جہاں میں نے صرف اس باہمی موسیقی کو سنا تھا ، جو دماغ کے دونوں اطراف کو متحرک کرتا ہے اور واقعتا the دماغ کے اس نچلے حصے کو پرسکون کرتا ہے تاکہ آپ اپنے زیادہ سے زیادہ حصوں میں آسکیں۔ وسائل دماغ اور آپ کے جذبات کو متوازن. لہذا جب آپ اس باہمی موسیقی کو سن رہے ہیں تو صفحہ پر تمام غیظ و غضب کے 20 منٹ لکھ چکے ہیں۔ اور یہ دماغ کے دونوں اطراف کو متحرک کرتا ہے ، یہی وجہ ہے کہ جب موسیقی ایک کان میں آتا ہے اور پھر دوسرے میں آتا ہے اور پھر واقعی میں مزید 20 منٹ تک اس موسیقی پر غور و فکر کرتا ہے۔ اب ، اگر آپ کے پاس 40 منٹ نہیں ہیں ، تو میرے بچے دن کے وسط میں تین گھنٹے سو رہے ہیں ، آپ کے چھ بچے ہیں۔ لہذا آپ کے پاس 40 منٹ نہیں ہیں ، 10 منٹ تک یہ کریں ، جو بھی آپ کر سکتے ہیں۔

کیٹی: میں اس سے محبت کرتا ہوں اور مجھے لگتا ہے کہ لوگ اکثر اوقات کم خیال کرتے ہیں کہ صرف وہی باتیں خود سے کہنے سے اس طرح کا ڈرامائی اثر پڑ سکتا ہے۔ اور میں نے واقعتا long خود کو آزمانے سے پہلے واقعتا long بہت لمبے عرصے تک یقینی طور پر چھوٹ دی تھی۔ جب آپ غیظ و غضب کی بات کرتے ہیں تو ، واقعی گونج اٹھتا ہے کیونکہ ہائی اسکول میں ہونے والے صدمے کے بعد ، میں نے اپنے جذبات کو بند کردیا ، مجھے یاد ہے کہ یہ شعوری طور پر کرتے ہوئے ہیں۔ جیسے میں دوبارہ محسوس نہیں کروں گا ، لہذا مجھے دوبارہ تکلیف نہیں ہوگی۔ اور میں نے آواز نہیں اٹھائی۔ مجھے غصے کا تجربہ نہیں ہوا جس کا مجھے 16 سال تک پتہ تھا جب تک میں واقعتا. یہ کام نہیں کرتا تھا۔ میں طرح طرح کے غیظ و غضب کی تھراپی کی طرح گذرتا تھا اور جب آخر کار اس کی طرح پھٹ پڑتا تھا اور میں محسوس کر پایا تھا کہ ایسا ہی تھا ، آپ جانتے ہو ، کئی دہائیوں کے جذبات کا سیلاب آیا تھا۔ میں نے ٹیپنگ کے ساتھ بھی ایسا ہی کام کیا تھا اور جس شخص کے ساتھ میں کام کر رہا تھا ، اس نے مجھ سے کہا ، آپ جانتے ہیں ، حالانکہ میں جو کچھ بھی اس وقت تجربہ کررہا ہوں ، میں خود سے پیار کرتا ہوں اور قبول کرتا ہوں اور میں خود سے محبت کرتا ہوں اور قبول کرتا ہوں جس طرح میں نے اب انتخاب کیا ہے۔

اور پھر جو بھی نئی حالت میں میں منتقل کرنے جا رہا تھا وہ تھا اور وہ پہلے چند بار ایسا تھا جیسے میں نے خود پر یقین نہیں کیا تھا کہ میں خود سے محبت کرتا ہوں اور قبول کرتا ہوں۔ یہ مشکل تھا۔ جیسے میں نے پکارا۔ ان الفاظ کو سننا بھی مشکل تھا کیونکہ میں جانتا تھا کہ وہ سچے بھی نہیں تھے۔ اور پھر میں نے یہ تبدیلی محسوس کی۔ جیسے یہ وقت کے ساتھ آہستہ آہستہ تبدیل ہوتا گیا اور اس سے میری ذہنی حالت بدل گئی۔ اور میں جانتا ہوں کہ آپ سپر اسٹرکٹر میں اس کے بارے میں بات کرتے ہیں اور آپ نے اپنی دوسری کتابوں میں بھی اس کے بارے میں بات کی ہے ، لیکن آئیے اس کے بارے میں بات کرتے ہیں۔ ہم ان نئی ذہنی ریاستوں کے ساتھ سیدھ میں جانے یا سپر سپرٹر کی طرح خوشی کی طرح کیسے جانا شروع کر سکتے ہیں کیونکہ مجھے لگتا ہے کہ جب آپ اس تبدیلی کو تبدیل کرسکتے ہیں تو یہ اتنا گہرا ہے۔

گبی: ٹھیک ہے ، سب سے پہلے ، مجھے واقعی خوشی ہے کہ آپ نے EFT کا تذکرہ کیا۔ لہذا جذباتی آزادی کی تکنیک ہر ایک کے ل. بہترین ہے جو صدمے میں ہے یا پریشان ہے۔ اور میں آپ کو ایک اور ٹول کیوں نہیں دیتا ہوں اور پھر میں ایک اور ٹول کے بارے میں بات کروں گا جو واقعی ہماری سوچ کو دوبارہ پروگرم کرنے کے بارے میں ہے اور یہ سپر ایٹیکٹر کا ایک طریقہ ہے۔ لیکن ایک کام جو آپ یہ بھی کر سکتے ہیں وہ ہے کہ آپ اس مخصوص نکتے پر ٹیپ کرسکتے ہیں اور یہ انرجی میریڈیئنز ہیں اور جب وہ ٹیپ ہوجاتے ہیں تو وہ واقعتا اس لڑائی یا پرواز کی حالت کو جاری کرسکتے ہیں۔ لہذا اس نقطہ کو پہلوؤں کا نقطہ نظر کہا جاتا ہے ، لیکن میں کیٹی کو “مقدس گندا نقطہ” کے طور پر اس کا حوالہ دینا پسند کرتا ہوں۔ اور یہ تب ہوتا ہے جب آپ واقعی متحرک ہوجاتے ہیں۔ اور اس طرح یہ آپ کی گلابی انگلی اور آپ کی انگلی کی انگلی کے بیچ ہے اور ہوسکتا ہے کہ آپ کے شو کے نوٹ میں آپ اس کی کسی شبیہہ یا کسی اور چیز سے لنک کرسکتے ہیں اور آپ اس نکتے پر ٹیپ کرسکتے ہیں اور آپ اب بھی اس تصدیق کا استعمال کرسکتے ہیں ، میں محفوظ ہوں یا میں ٹھیک ہوں ، یا آپ یہ بھی کہہ سکتے ہیں کہ میں دل کی گہرائیوں سے اور پوری طرح پیار کرتا ہوں اور خود کو قبول کرتا ہوں۔

اگرچہ میں پریشانی محسوس کرتا ہوں ، لیکن میں اس بات کو دل کی گہرائیوں سے اور پوری طرح پیار کرتا ہوں اور اپنے آپ کو اس بات سے قبول کرتا ہوں ، میں اپنی صدمے کی بحالی کے اوائل میں ، سارا دن اس نقطہ پر ٹیپ کرتا ، جب میں اس طرح کی صدمے کی حالت میں ہوتا ، میں صرف سارا دن گھومتا رہتا تھا۔ اس نقطہ کو ٹیپ کرنا اور یہ تھوڑا سا نقطہ ہے ، اس چھوٹی سی جلد کی گلابی انگلی اور ہاتھ کی چوٹی پر انگلی کی انگلی کے درمیان۔ تو ہم ہر ایک کے ل it اس کی شبیہہ ڈھونڈ سکتے ہیں۔ لیکن ، ام ، یہ واقعی ایک عمدہ عمل ہے جس کی میں آپ کو بہت سفارش کرتا ہوں اگر آپ EFT میں نئے ہیں اور آپ فوری طور پر راحت محسوس کرنے کے لئے ٹیپ کرنا چاہتے ہیں ، تو یہ ایک بہت بڑی بات ہے۔ میں واقعی ایک عمل کے طور پر پکارنا چاہتا ہوں جسے آپ نے ابھی تسلیم کیا ہے کہ ہم اپنی سوچ کو کیسے تبدیل کریں؟ اس وقت ہم اپنے طرز عمل کے طریقوں کو کیسے تبدیل کریں؟ اور میری کتاب ، سپر ایٹیکٹر ، کتاب کا سب سے اہم طریقہ ، اور کتاب میں آپ کے جنگلی خوابوں سے آگے کی زندگی کو ظاہر کرنے کے طریقے موجود ہیں ، لیکن واقعی میں اچھے محسوس کرنے کے ان کے طریقے ہیں۔

اچھی کتاب آرہی ہے ، پوری کتاب اسی بارے میں ہے۔ کیونکہ جب ہم اچھا محسوس کرتے ہیں تو ، ہم ایک سپر کشش بن جاتے ہیں۔ لہذا کتاب میں جو طریقہ کار ہے جس کے بارے میں میرے خیال میں یہ بہت قیمتی ہے جو خاص طور پر ابھی کے لئے ہے ، یہ اس طرح کا ایک علمی سلوک تھراپی کا طریقہ ہے کیونکہ یہ دوبارہ غور کرنے کے بارے میں ہے۔ لہذا اسے دوبارہ انتخاب کا طریقہ کہا جاتا ہے۔ اور پہلا مرحلہ خوف پر مبنی منفی سوچ کا مشاہدہ کرنا ہے جو آپ کو دہرا رہے ہیں۔ تو میرے لئے ، میں خود کو صرف مثال کے طور پر استعمال کروں گا۔ میرے لئے ابھی ، جب میں نفلیاتی افسردگی اور اضطراب کا شکار تھا تو ، میں بے خوابی کا شکار تھا۔ اور ابھی میں دوبارہ حاملہ ہونے کی کوشش کرنے والا ہوں اور میں اپنی نیند سے گھبراتا ہوں کیونکہ میں میلٹنن اور کچھ دیگر نیند امداد کا استعمال کر رہا تھا جو میں حاملہ ہونے پر بھی استعمال نہیں کروں گا۔ لہذا میں کوشش کر رہا ہوں کہ میں دوبارہ سونے کا طریقہ سیکھوں اور میں اس سے گھبراتا ہوں۔

تو میری کہانی اوہ خدا رہی ہے ، میں اپنی نیند سے ڈر گیا ہوں۔ مجھے ڈر ہے کہ میں سو نہیں پاؤں گا۔ اور اس لئے میں دن بھر اس انتخاب کو دوبارہ استعمال کرتا رہا ہوں۔ لہذا پہلا قدم خوف زدہ سوچ اور اس پر غور کرنا ہے کہ یہ آپ کو کیسے محسوس کرتا ہے۔ تو میرے لئے خوفزدہ سوچ یہ ہے کہ میں سوتے ہوئے خوفزدہ ہوں ، پھر پریشانی کا یہ عالم میرے سینے میں بھیجتا ہے۔ ٹھیک ہے؟ لہذا میں اس سوچ سے واقف ہوں ، اب مجھے معلوم ہے کہ یہ کیا ہے۔ میں اس کو پکار رہا ہوں۔ اور پھر حوالہ دینا ، وہیں ہے۔ میرا خوف ہے۔ اور دوسرا مرحلہ یہ ہے کہ سوچنے پر اپنے آپ کو معاف کریں۔ Now, Katie, this is major because if we don’t forgive ourselves for… when we forgive ourselves for the thought, what we do is we recognize that the thought is not who I am. The thought that I have insomnia is not the truth of who I am.

That’s an old story. That’s an old ego-based belief that I’m bringing into the present, but when I forgive myself for having the thought, I disconnect myself from the belief that that thought is who I am. Now I unpack that a lot in the book, but I want to just really highlight that even in this moment when I say I forgive myself for thinking that I have, a sleep issue, it immediately dissolves the thought for me because it’s saying I am not my past. I am in a different place in this present moment. Now, the third step is the fun and crucial step, which is to choose again. The choose again method is about reaching for the next best feeling thought. So if we’re going to use my example, I can start reaching. I can say, well, I’m no longer in a panic disorder because I’ve treated the postpartum experience and I’m not where I was a year ago.

I have the resources and the support system. I’ve never felt more grounded than I do today. After all that I’ve been through and all that I have faced, I have a connection to a spiritual guidance system that can help me through this period. I can accept that my sleep might not be as great if I’m not on melatonin, but I will change my new patterns and accept each day as it goes. Or I can also go to the place of saying, when I’m pregnant, I will be tired and that will help me sleep. So just reaching for the thoughts that you believe in, proactively guide you out of the story that you’ve been hooked into. And it’s these stories that we grasp onto that become belief systems and the beautiful teacher, Abraham Hicks say that a belief is just a thought that you keep thinking.

So when we just repeat that thought and repeat that thought and repeat that thought, that becomes a belief system. And for me, I have just been totally in acceptance that that thought doesn’t have to be mine right now. And I can choose to believe, through the practice of rethinking this and choosing again, I can choose to believe that I’m going to be tired when I’m pregnant and sleep beautifully and that my body does remember how to sleep and my brain does remember how to sleep and that I have all these great sleep hygiene routines and I can really reprogram the way I’m thinking. Did that, did that make sense to you Katie?

Katie: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think that’s such an important point. And I think, like I said, I didn’t believe just how profound these things were until I started actually changing the internal things I was saying to myself. And you know, you hear all those quotes and things about how your body listens to everything your mind says and all of that but it really is incredible when you actually start reprogramming that.

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And like the other thing you talk about like Super Attractor, I loved it. It was all about kind of like getting into that alignment. And then in doing so, being able to attract the things that you want and need in your life. Can you kind of explain the concept of that? And then, and then also maybe some of the roadblocks that happen when people are attracting things they don’t want and how we can fix that.

Gabby: Yeah. I think that anytime we’re not attracting what we want or attracting things we don’t want, it’s just a sign of misalignment. It’s a sign that we’ve been thinking a thought for too long that we don’t want and has become a belief system. That belief system has created a vibration within us, an energetic state. That energetic state has been expressed out into the world and that is what we’re getting back. It’s being served back up to us. So it’s really about just recognizing that the energy that we express is a boomerang and our thoughts inform our energy and our energy informs our actions and our actions are picked up and put back to us. And as well as our energy, even if we don’t take any action, the feelings that we have are reflected back to us in our experiences. So practicing a book like Super Attractor will put you on a path of undoing the belief systems and the patterns and the energetic state that has kept you in the misalignment and kept you from attracting what you genuinely want in your life. By undoing those patterns and belief systems, you start to restore a greater sense of presence and peace within you that ultimately changes the direction of your life.

Katie: Gotcha. Okay. So can you kind of walk us through, in a little bit more detail, like I know you have the four step action method for kind of creating the life you want. Can you walk us through that?

Gabby: Well, I know the whole book is filled with methods. One of them was the choose again, method that I gave you. Other methods could include, there’s a daily design method, which I think would be very valuable for folks right now because right now a lot of people are feeling immobilized. They’re feeling stuck. In that state, they don’t have much… They wake up in the morning, maybe turn right to the news or social media or whatever’s going on. But instead, what would happen if you woke up in the morning, you opened a journal or even your phone and you answered these three questions or four questions actually. How do I want to feel today? Who do I want to be today? The answers to something like that like I want to be a good mother. I want to be a happy person today or whatever.

So how do I want to feel today? Who do I want to be today? What do I want to give today and what do I want to receive today? When we answer those four questions, we design our day. We set the day up the way that we want, the way that we’re intending. Even simply making those statements to ourselves silently or writing them down in the morning, sets ourselves up to win. It sets an intention and it redirects us off of the news, the drama, the stories, the emails, the text messages, the fear from yesterday, and it redirects the energetic state that we’re in into a place that we want to be in today. So I would love for people to start using that daily design.

Katie: I love that. That seems like something great to do with kids as well, which was going to be one of my next questions. You’re a mom so how can we foster this mindset from like a very early age with our kids and I know obviously I’m hearing some of the stuff you’ve already said and thinking this would be great to do with my kids, especially that four step formula, but I’m curious how you’re approaching it as a mom even with the really little ones to kind of hopefully give them this foundation so that they’re not having to address some of these things as an adult like many of us are, but they can start from a young age, having this mindset.

Gabby: The absolute most valuable thing I believe as a mom, that a parent could do right now is read these two books. One of them is called Trauma-Proofing Your Kids and it’s a book by the leading trauma therapist, Peter Levine, Dr. Peter Levine, and the other book is by Dan Siegel, which I’m sure you’ve read some of the Dan Siegel books and this book is called No-Drama Discipline. I cannot recommend these two books enough. No-Drama Discipline is frankly blowing my mind because what it’s teaching is how to connect with your child’s feelings and to validate their feelings, honor their feelings. Because when a child is in an overactive state and acting out and doing something that’s inappropriate or whatever it may be, they’re not in their resource part of their brain. They’re not in their upstairs brain. They’re in their downstairs brain. And that downstairs brain is emotion.

It’s all the feelings, whereas the upstairs brain can problem solve, but we can’t just force them into that problem solving brain because that doesn’t work. Throwing them into a timeout saying you’re not, you know, what are you doing? You shouldn’t be doing this. It just throws them into more of a triggered state. So if we just can regulate them by just being really, really recognizing their emotions, their feelings, validating their feelings, even though we may not say that what they did was correct, we can validate their feelings about it and it’s all about connection. And then once you felt that connection, that’s when you can redirect. I could do an entire podcast with you on this work. But Dan Siegel’s work and Peter Levine are just blowing my mind personally and as a parent and professionally actually because I’m just like, I got to teach this work everywhere I can. It’s unbelievable.

Katie: I’m definitely going to check out both of those because having been through trauma myself, that’s something I think about a lot with my kids. And I know obviously every parent, you know, with very rare exceptions or like mental illness, every parent wants to do the best they can with their kids. But yet I think so, like we talked about the beginning of so many people make it to adulthood with these filters or these scripts of not being good enough or not being worthy or not being lovable. And so I’ve thought about that a lot in the recent years as my kids get older. It’s like, how can we as parents better navigate this and still teach them and help them learn important life lessons, but also make sure that they get to adulthood with the feeling of being loved and worthy and valuable and good enough. And I’m sure like we still will do many things wrong or wish we could do things a little better as parents. But, um, I can’t wait to check out both of those books. How old is your little guy now?

Gabby: He’s 16 months.

Katie: Oh, that’s awesome. That’s such a great age.

Gabby: He’s so much fun. He’s so cool. ہاں ہاں It’s been, and that’s been the silver lining of this whole experience is that I actually, we have full time childcare, not full, you know, five days a week childcare when we’re working, because my husband and I run our business, but we don’t have that right now. And it’s been really a blessing even though I have a lot less hours in the day. I have this bond that when I went through the postpartum depression, I didn’t, I lost some of that bonding time and I’ve now been able to reignite that with my son. So it’s very special.

Katie: That is, and two things there I want to touch on a little bit. So I’m curious if you have any strategies or just any personal experience of how you’ve navigated this path with your husband and being in relationship? Because I know at least from my own experience, having been through some kind of trauma like that, and especially once you’ve put up walls or with the shame that we talked about earlier, it’s like it can make it hard to be vulnerable and to connect in relationships sometimes. And so I’m curious if you have anything that’s been helpful for you guys in your relationship or help to strengthen that bond as you work through these levels of trauma.

Gabby: Oh, this is such a whole other podcast. I agree with that. So there’s really great gifts in being on your own personal growth journey, but there’s an even greater gift than in being on one with a partner because your partner is the one who continues to trigger your core wounds and activate them, which only allows you to have the opportunity to go deeper into your own personal growth. So if you see it that way, it can be a real blessing, if you don’t, it can be a pain in the ass. It can be torturous. So thankfully my husband and I both been on our own journeys separately and together. The places that I think I’ve felt the most, the deepest connection is even reading these, these Dan Siegel books, realizing that the same way that I would treat my child when he’s activated is how I have to treat my husband and myself. So if my husband’s, you know, throwing an attitude around and he’s upset about things, I have to recognize that I can’t just jump into solution with him. I have to honor his feelings. So by simply saying… Last night I said, he was really stressed out because we have so much going on. And I said, “You know, listen honey, why don’t you just tell me how you feel and I don’t need to problem solve. I’ll just listen.” And his whole face just lit up. Like, thank you so much. So the answer is I recommend couples therapy to every family, every human, every couple. I think every couple should be in couples therapy, especially if you have children, every couple should be in couples therapy. And I say that should with a real “S” a capital “S,” Should, and I’m not a “should”er, but I think that is my big should for the lifetime. And uh, it’s my highest recommendation. Also just doing your own personal growth work, you have to hope and pray that your partner will grow with you.

Katie: Absolutely. Yeah, definitely agree. And I love that. And then the other point of what you said that I really resonated with as you said, you were just you’re being grateful for not having the childcare right now and for more time with your son and at home and I think it’s easy to fall into that out of control feeling or the uncertainty or the helplessness like we talked about earlier on. But we also all do have the choice to choose gratitude. And I’m hopeful, especially, I think moms kind of direct the mood at a lot of households and I’m hopeful that we can kind of collectively let this become a great experience like we talked about for us and for our families and for our kids.

And I’m hopeful that we’ll also keep some of the good lessons of this. Like many more people are gardening and many more people are cooking at home with their families or spending more one on one time with their kids or just spending more time in nature. So as things hopefully relatively quickly move back towards what we remember in life, I also hope we can keep the good and keep the lessons. And, um, and like you said, use this as a catalyst for change in our lives and kind of a metamorphosis of sorts. Um, for people who are new to you, I know you’re very well-known and I guess most listeners have heard of you, but for someone who’s new, who is ready to kind of jump in and kind of go on this journey, where would you recommend that they start with your work and your books?

Gabby: I would say head over to my site, Gabbybernstein.com and really just allow yourself to be guided there because there’s so much content. There’s so many free resources. If you’re a reader and you are looking for a spiritual book, I think a great place to start is my book, The Universe Has Your Back. If you read The Universe Has Your Back, a great one would be Super Attractor. But I’ve written eight books now, so I think that the best thing to do is also just go read the introductions online and see what’s the most, what’s really striking you as your path, your journey with me. I probably need to do sort of like a website form of like a choose your own adventure with the books, you know, like, which direction do you want to go in right now? But you can spend some time on Amazon reading the introductions and seeing what feels right for you.

Katie: I love it and I will make sure all of those links are at wellnessmama.fm in the show notes. If you guys are listening while you are driving or exercising, you can find everything we’ve talked about there. And I know Gabby, you have so many resources on your site including a meditation challenge. I’ll make sure we link to that as well. But I love that you’re a voice of calm and gratitude even in these kind of tough and uncertain times. And I love your message throughout your books of us being able to choose joy. And to choose a positive response. I think it’s so important and so needed right now and especially with no childcare. I really appreciate you making the time today to be here and to share your, your message and your journey.

Gabby: Thank you. And listen, I really do want to encourage people, if this is coming out in before the 17th of May or even within that week to take me up on this journey of this 21-day challenge because Katie, I’d love to have you involved in doing it because I’ve put in these meditations, daily new meditations for people and I think so many people have been begging me right now for guidance on how to meditate in this crisis. And so I feel it’s my responsibility as a spiritual teacher to give those tools. So I’m really glad that you brought that up because I think that taking… and also being part of a community right now, feeling part of a collective group of people going on a journey together. So we’ll give them all those details.

Katie: I love it. So yeah, you guys make sure you check out the show notes and find those links. Gabby, thank you so much for your time and for all that you do.

Gabby: Thank you. Thank you for your vulnerability too. Thank you so much.

Katie: And thanks as always to you for listening and sharing one of your most valuable resources, your time, with both of us today. We’re very grateful that you did and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the Wellness Mama podcast.

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.



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