Mindfulness for Moms With Ziva Meditation

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Katie: Hello and welcome to the Valence Mama Podcast. I am Katie with Charity.com and I am here with Emily Fletcher, the founder of Ziva Meditation and a world renowned expert in meditation as a way to excel. If you are looking to commit emotionally and mentally suicidal, her book, “Stress Less, Complete” is a must read and is a great book out there. It educates more than 20,000 students around the world, including leaders from Apple, Google and Harvard Business School.
And she has also helped Type-A moms learn to meditate as well. And I love that his way is that we meditate not on improving meditation, but on improving life. And we talk about it and there is so much more today and I know you will enjoy this episode as much as I did. Without further ado, let’s join Emily.

Emily, welcome. Thanks for being here.

Emily: What a joy it will be to be here. Thank you for having me.

Katie: I’m excited to chat with you. I met you for the first time or knew about you at an event a few years before I talked to you, and one of your things was that you really resonated with me. That we meditate for the good in life, not to be good at meditation. And that’s when I started paying attention to you because I was never really good at meditating and as if clearing my mind was never going to happen to me. And so I think, like, when you said this, I started listening to you and I felt like you had a totally different approach. So, I wanted to start there. Why is it so important when we talk about meditation?

Emily: Because a lot of people are just like you trying to meditate. They felt like a failure because they couldn’t clear their mind. They assume that this is simply not their thing, and then they will lose themselves in a lifetime of greater productivity, more energy and more happiness because they are making their own decisions based on misinformation. Many people are trying to clear their mind as some yoga teacher said, “Just let your thoughts go.” And as such, it is a world filled with former meditators when it does not need to be because the point is not to clear the mind. Really, it’s about happiness, getting more energy, getting better sleep, getting a better immune system, and treating your kids better. Like, that’s why we do this stuff. No one cares if you’re good at meditation.

Katie: Yeah, I think that’s an important point. Most of you, like meditation in your daily life, are not trying to reach the level of the monk. We want it to be practical, and when you explain it, it makes a lot of sense. I think that sunshine is a time of meditation that most people will really be aware of. But I also feel like there are a lot of misunderstandings. So, to get really basic for a second, let us look at what is really defined meditation. what is the meaning of this?

Emily: So, the simplest definition would be a stress-relieving device, but I think that definition is very vague because if that is your only standard, then a bottle of wine, as well, is putting pressure on Netflix, You know, smoking is a pot too and it’s funny. When I tell people that I am a meditation teacher, they are like, “Oh, cool, exercise is my meditation,” or, “Cooking is my meditation.” I like, “All of your cooking is called a cook, and exercise is called exercise, and meditation is called meditation. That’s why they have their own words.” So, I understand that relieving stress A fetch tool is not sufficiently specific. Now, what we teach in Ziva, which is the name of my company, we teach a kind of meditation that gives your body five times deeper rest than sleep, and I will say this again because I am especially a mom. I think, that’s a really interesting factor. This mode of meditation is relaxing your body, which is five times deeper than sleep.

So, it’s like a super charged power nap that you can do in 15 minutes without a sleep hangover, but on the other hand, you wake up even more. And the other really important point is that in this mode of meditation, you are not only handling your stress from today, but you are also healing all your stress from the past. And this is really important because most of the people who say meditation, that is, get the most out of free apps, the most directed things on YouTube, often drop-in studios, are actually teaching what I would call mindfulness. ۔ And mindfulness and meditation have often been used as synonyms, but they are not the same thing. And as such, the biggest difference between the two is that mindset is all about focus, and it’s great for dealing with your stress. So, let’s say we have a crazy day with your kids. You go to work You come home Your children are out of control. You’re really stressing. You do 10 minutes of headspace or quiet or something else. And it handles your pressure like a state change, such as taking aspirin if you have a headache.

Now, what I teach at Ziva is not only handling your stress from now on, but also getting rid of all your stress from the past. It is entering into things cellularly and we now know that these are epidemiologically healing things, inherited from our parents and given to our children. And that’s a big deal, because it’s ultimately the end to the backlog of stress you find yourself in. If we do that, this is what gives us the return on time investment. So, invest fifteen minutes into your meditation because you are getting rid of the stress you are storing in your body, the things that make us all stupid, sick and lazy, and you It starts to take longer as your brain becomes faster. Your defense system is strong. Your creativity is stronger. Your toughness is much stronger.

And for that reason, I especially find with Ziova that ROI is just higher. And this is, I think, this probably leads to the second misconception around meditation, it’s not that … At first people think they can’t clear their mind, which we are more and more Can talk, but the second is that people think they are ‘too busy,’ and we’re all too busy to waste our time. None of us has any time to waste. And if you are only doing 10 minutes and then getting yourself out of trouble, but ultimately not addressing the root cause then I would say this is not really a great investment of your time. But if you are going in and not only feeling better right now but are actually dealing with real anxiety, anxiety, insomnia, being overwhelmed then it can be a very rewarding and valuable investment. Goes Of your time

Katie: That makes sense. And honestly, even if I think a few years ago, I think I would still be a little more skeptical that something like this could affect your biology, unless in fact I find myself experiencing it. Don’t be because I was traumatized in high school. General Chat Chat Lounge And I thought I dealt with it and I did all the talk therapy. And I thought I was fine. And then I did some kind of bodywork with just being in a state that kept me out of my comfort zone. And, like, I was emotionally releasing this kind of release to the point where it literally, like my body was shaking for an hour. It was like when you see an animal almost die, and then they recover, and that’s what adrenaline has to reveal.

It was like a decade of adrenaline, like, my body was shaking. And because of that, my body has changed so much in the last few months with my diet, lifestyle, everything being exactly the same. So, I would definitely believe more now that our mental state and our emotions can really, really influence our physiology, as dramatically impacting us. Although I’m an idiot, I like to go a little deeper, and can you explain, for example, what happens in the body when we meditate, both biologically and physically? What are some of the ways that we are moving? Are we moving in close sympathy or are there some ways to influence us?

Emily: Yeah. Thank you for asking. And also, thank you for explaining so beautifully what I would call a software upgrade and a hardware upgrade. So, you know, not all of us, but many of us have been talking talk therapy for years, and I would call for software upgrades. You know, it’s changing your operating system. It’s changing the way you view the world. But this meditation task, whether it be voice work or energy work and bodywork, often heals things on a cellular level. It’s changing your nervous system, so it’s giving you a hardware upgrade. It’s like upgrading your computer, and then, finally, if you have a more sophisticated computer, you can run more beautiful software. And so, at the end of the day, we have to do both. We have to speed up the hard drive and the software. So, thank you for explaining it so beautifully.

OK, so let’s go down the neurological rabbit hole. Therefore, when the body starts fighting or flying, we become sympathetic, which is the body preparing for a predator attack. You know, millions of years of evolution evolved to protect us from lions, and lions and bears. So, let’s say you’re in the jungle, and a lion jumped with the intention of killing you. Your body will start a series of chemical reactions. The first thing that happens is that your digestion will be filled with acid because we need to stop digestion because we can’t waste any energy in that digestion.

We need all the energy to fight a lion or run away. The same acid will be applied to your skin so that if you are bitten by a tiger you will not taste it. Your bladder and intestines become empty so you can be light on your feet. The blood is thick and frozen so that if you get bitten, you won’t bleed to death. Your view will be narrow. Your immune system has gone into the back burner because if you have cancer, who cares if you’re going to die at the hands of a tiger. Like, once again, we need everyone on deck.

Therefore, this series of chemical reactions is very useful if your demands are predatory attacks, but if your daily demands are children, and in-laws, and deadlines, and school plans, and emails, and traffic, fight. Or become a flying object. Error is preventing us from performing at the top of our game. This accumulated stress backlog is making us stupid, sick and lazy as a species. And so, what happens when we start meditating, we go in, and within 30 to 45 seconds, we destroy the nervous system, which means that the metabolic rate is lower. Just because you are gaining weight does not mean that you are gaining weight. This is the rate at which the body consumes oxygen.

Therefore, your breathing slows down, your heart rate slows, your body temperature cools down. And then in less than a minute, your brain is producing dopamine and serotonin, which are alkaline in nature. And they are mainly a cure for cortisol and adrenaline, which are stress hormones, and they are acidic in nature. And if you have ever studied Ayurvedic medicine, acid is equivalent to inflammation. And inflammation that we know is the basis of all chronic diseases. And so, if we are permanently swollen, if we are constantly stressed, then the body is just a little bit acidic or a little too hot.

And so, when we start meditating, not only do we clean up adrenaline and cortisol, but we start flooding the body with dopamine and serotonin, which are alkaline in nature. And that is why, according to Tufts and… I forget the name of the second university, but there are two universities that have studied how meditation can change your physical phase. Tufts say eight years. And I think this is Wake Forest, in fact, somewhere around 15 says that you can change your physical age between 8 and 15 years with meditation. And another study also came out, so just saying that you can reverse your mental retardation, the average mediator at 50 is 25 years old.

And it’s based on the strength of something called neurogenesis, neuroplasticity, and corpus callosum, a thin strip of white that connects the right and left half of the brain to the brain. So, I mean, is this all right? Sounds great, and people are like, “What do you mean? Meditation is this, this, this and this can work?” But the question we really have to ask is, you know, “Stress is so many things. How’s the mess? ” Because according to Harvard Medical School, stress is responsible for 90% of doctors visits, and scientists are calling it the black plague of our century. And the great thing here is that stress is not an incurable disease. We have a cure for this. This is called meditation. We all just think we are busy doing meditation.

Katie: Yeah, I think you’re right about that. And, I mean, you explain it so well, all about neuroscience about meditation and its many benefits. And like I said, it was sunny time. The really successful people here say that this is a big reason why they are so successful that I think people are paying attention. But why do you think so many of us still … like, I’m still guilty of saying, like, “I can’t … I’m not good at meditation, and I can’t calm my mind?” Could. ” Like, why are people still saying when it is obviously so important?

Emily: I think people are saying, “I don’t have time, and I can’t clear my mind,” because of the misunderstanding between mindfulness and meditation. So, you know, like I said a moment ago, most free “meditation apps” are teaching what I would call mindfulness. Whenever someone is guiding you, like a guide youtube video, or if you go to a drop-in studio and someone asks you to imagine a waterfall or count your breaths or focus on your cycles. That is to say, whenever you are focusing, I’m putting it in the mindset category. And intelligence, as I have said, is great for dealing with your stress, but since it is ultimately not relieving the underlying cause, because it is not under pressure from your past, Creating versus Creating. Meditation is creating a characteristic transformation. It is actually changing itself. It’s changing your genes and getting behind the root cause.

So, what I’ve found is that with meditation, and especially with Ziva, timely return on investment is commendable. It’s basically … we did the math. Fifteen minutes a day is 2% of your day. So, the question is, are you willing to invest 2% of your day to make the other 98 more efficient, more productive, happier, and more present? Contrary to intelligence, while you may feel better for many people right now, they report that they are not giving them the same ROI. They don’t feel so productive later. یہ اور بھی پریشان کن چیز ہے جیسے ، “مجھے لگتا ہے کہ مجھے کسی پریشانی کا سامنا ہو رہا ہے ، لہذا مجھے ابھی یہ ایپ کرنا چاہئے ،” یا ، “مجھے پہلے ہی بے خوابی ہوچکا ہے ، لہذا مجھے گرنے میں مدد کے لئے اس ہدایت یافتہ مراقبہ کی بات کو سننے دو۔ سو رہا ہے۔ لیکن ہم حتمی طور پر علاج نہیں کر رہے ہیں جس کی وجہ سے اندرا شروع ہو گئی۔

اور اسی طرح ، میں سمجھتا ہوں کہ یہ گھڑی کا وقت ہے۔ یہ ایسا ہی ہے جتنا بھی وقت آپ سرمایہ کاری کر رہے ہو ، آپ کو اپنے دن میں زیادہ وقت لگانے کی ضرورت ہوگی۔ مجھے ڈاکٹر مارک ہیمن کو مراقبہ کرنے کی تعلیم دینے کی خوش قسمتی نصیب ہوئی ، جو کلیولینڈ کلینک میں فنکشنل میڈیسن سینٹر کا بانی ہے ، اور میں کہوں گا ، جیسے ، دنیا کے ایک ممتاز ڈاکٹر ، اور یقینی طور پر عملی طب میں۔ اور وہ ان دو مراقبہ کے لئے کہتا ہے جو وہ ایک دن کرتا ہے ، وہ اپنے دن میں تقریبا three تین گھنٹے واپس آتا ہے۔ وہ اس طرح ہے ، “میرے پاس مزید تین گھنٹے پیداواری صلاحیت ہے ، مزید تین گھنٹے تفریح ​​، تین دن مزید توانائی کا رقص کرنے کے لئے جانا ہے یا اپنی اہلیہ یا اپنے دوستوں کے ساتھ رہنا ہے۔” اور یہ میرے لئے خاص چٹنی ہے کیونکہ ، ایک بار پھر ، ہم میں سے کسی کے پاس بھی ضائع کرنے کا وقت نہیں ہے۔

اب ، دماغ کے ٹکڑے کو صاف کرنے. میرے خیال میں لوگ تکنیک کے نتائج کو الجھا رہے ہیں کیونکہ اگر آپ بیٹھ کر غور کریں گے تو اس کے بعد امکانات زیادہ ہیں جب آپ زیادہ واضح محسوس کریں گے۔ آپ زیادہ موجود ہوں گے۔ آپ زیادہ بدیہی ہوں گے۔ آپ جانتے ہو ، تناؤ اور اضطراب سے آپ اتنے پریشان نہیں ہوں گے۔ تاہم ، صرف اس وجہ سے کہ ذہن کی وضاحت مراقبہ کا نتیجہ ہے ، اس کا مطلب یہ نہیں ہے کہ یہ مراقبہ کا عمل ہے۔ لہذا ، اگر آپ بیٹھ کر آنکھیں بند کرلیں اور ذہن کو صاف کرنے کی کوشش کریں تو آپ کو ہمیشہ ایسا ہی لگتا ہے کہ آپ ناکام ہو رہے ہیں کیوں کہ ذہن غیر ارادے سے سوچتا ہے ، بالکل اسی طرح جیسے دل بھی دھڑک رہا ہے۔ لہذا ، آپ کے دماغ کو بند کرنے کے لئے ایک کمانڈ دینے کی کوشش کرنا اتنا ہی موثر ہے جتنا آپ کے دل کو دھڑکنا بند کرنے کا حکم دینے کی کوشش کرنا۔ یہ کام نہیں کرتا. اور پھر بھی یہی ہے جو ہر ایک کرنے کی کوشش کر رہا ہے ، اور یہی وجہ ہے کہ ہر کوئی اسے مشکل سمجھتا ہے کیونکہ ہم خود کو ایک ناممکن معیار کی بنیاد پر فیصلہ دے رہے ہیں۔

اور اس کی وجہ یہ ہے کہ ذہن سازی کے بہت سارے مشقیں جن کو لوگ اپنا رہے ہیں وہ ان چیزوں کی ماخذ ہیں جو اصل میں راہبوں کے لئے بنی تھیں۔ جیسے آپ ہیڈ اسپیس کے بارے میں بھی سوچتے ہو ، اینڈی راہب تھا۔ آپ جانتے ہو ، فیس بک کا سب سے بڑا ذاتی برانڈ ، جے شیٹی ، بھکشو تھا۔ اور اسی طرح ، ذہن سازی… ہم مغرب میں راہبوں کو تقریبا fet تھوڑا سا فیٹشائز کردیتے ہیں ، اور ہمارے خیال میں ، “ٹھیک ہے ، راہب جو بھی کر رہے ہیں وہ زیادہ طاقتور ہونا چاہئے۔ وہ لازمی طور پر ہل رہے ہوں گے۔ لیکن یہ آس پاس کا دوسرا راستہ ہے۔ اگر آپ کے پاس ملازمت ، اور بچے ، اور کرنے کا سامان ہے تو آپ کے پاس اپنے دن میں کم وقت ہوگا جس کے ساتھ غور کریں۔ لہذا ، آپ کو حقیقت میں ایسی پریکٹس کی ضرورت ہے جو زیادہ طاقت ور ہو۔ آپ کو ایک مشق کی ضرورت ہے جس میں آپ داخل ہوسکتے ہیں ، کرسکتے ہیں ، اور پھر دوسری طرف زیادہ توانائی کے ساتھ باہر آسکتے ہیں۔ اور اسی طرح ، زیوا تکنیک کا مراقبہ کا حصہ 6000 سال پرانا کسی چیز پر مبنی ہے ، لیکن یہ ہم جیسے لوگوں کے لئے بنایا گیا تھا۔ یہ مصروف دماغ اور مصروف زندگی کے حامل لوگوں کے لئے بنایا گیا تھا۔ تو ، بس یہ ہے کہ آپ اندر جاتے ہیں ، آپ باہر ہوجاتے ہیں۔ یہ سارا دن دھیان دینے کے بارے میں نہیں ہے ، یہی راہب کر رہے ہیں۔ معاشرے میں یہی ان کا تعاون ہے۔ وہ کچھ کرنے کا متحمل ہوسکتے ہیں جو قدرے ہلکا ہے۔

کیٹی: یہ کامل معنی رکھتا ہے۔ اور میں ڈاکٹر ہیمن کو بھی جانتا ہوں ، اور یہ واقعی سخت ہے۔ میں نے اسے یہ کہتے نہیں سنا تھا۔ یہ حیرت انگیز ہے کہ اسے ایسا لگتا ہے جیسے وہ مراقبہ کرنے کے لئے اتنا بڑا موقع ملا۔ اور یہ مجھے اس حوالہ سے تھوڑی بہت یاد دلاتا ہے۔ مجھے یقین ہے کہ شاید یہ سینٹ فرانسس تھا یا کوئی ایسا شخص جس نے یہ کہا ہو ، جیسے ، “دن میں آدھے گھنٹے کے لئے دعا کریں جب تک کہ آپ زیادہ مصروف نہ ہوں اور پھر دن میں ایک گھنٹے کے لئے دعا کریں۔” جیسے ، جو لوگ سب سے زیادہ مصروف ہوتے ہیں وہی ہوتے ہیں جن کی سب سے زیادہ ضرورت ہوتی ہے۔ ایک لمحے کے لئے اعصابی نوٹ پر ، میں متجسس ہوں۔ کیا اس طرح کے معمولی مراقبے اور دل کی دھڑکن کی تغیر میں تبدیلی کے مابین آپ نے کوئی مطالعہ یا کوئی ڈیٹا دیکھا ہے؟ کیونکہ میں جانتا ہوں کہ ابھی حال ہی میں کسی پالتو جانور کے پروجیکٹ کے طور پر ، اور میں جانتا ہوں کہ اگر کوئی ایسی چیز ہے جس میں اس سے ڈیٹا ظاہر ہوتا ہے۔

ایملی: ہاں۔ اور اسی طرح ، لوگ دل کی شرح کو متغیر کرنے کی تربیت دیں گے… وہ اس مراقبہ کو بھی کہیں گے ، جس کے بارے میں مجھے لگتا ہے کہ یہ واقعی قابل قدر اور ایک عظیم کام ہے ، لیکن یہ زیادہ متحرک ہے۔ اور جبکہ زیوا ایک طرح کا ہے ، جیسے ، سست آدمی کا مراقبہ ، یہ بیٹھ کر جھپکی لینے کی طرح ہے۔ لیکن آخر کار ، ہم زیوا کے ساتھ کیا کر رہے ہیں وہ یہ ہے کہ ہم جسم میں ہونے والے تناؤ سے نجات حاصل کر رہے ہیں۔ اور اس طرح ، جب آپ مراقبہ نہیں کررہے ہیں ، آپ کو اتنا دباؤ نہیں ہے ، آپ صرف ایک عام ہومیوسٹاسس پر رہتے ہیں۔ اور دل کی شرح کی متغیر کے ساتھ پوری گھماؤ ، ہم خود کو زیادہ سے زیادہ متغیر ہونا چاہتے ہیں اس کی وجہ یہ ہے کہ اگر کوئی شیر آئے تو آپ لڑائی یا پرواز کے لئے تیار ہوں۔ اگر سونے کا وقت آگیا ہے تو ، آپ نیچے کو منظم کرسکتے ہیں۔ آپ واقعی میں جلدی سے سو سکتے ہیں۔

ایسا ہے جیسے ہم متغیر ہونا چاہتے ہیں۔ ہم زندگی کے حالات جو بھی مطالبہ کررہے ہیں اس سے مطابقت پذیر بننا چاہتے ہیں ، اور یہی مراقبہ کی پوری بات ہے۔ آپ کسی ایسے شخص کے مقابلے میں ڈھالنے کی اہلیت میں اضافہ کررہے ہیں جو دائمی طور پر دباؤ کا شکار ہے ، جس کی دائمی مقدار میں کورٹیسول اور اڈرینالائن ہوتا ہے ، اور اس کی دل کی دھڑکن ہر وقت بہت زیادہ ہوتی ہے ، جب یہ مناسب ہے تو وہ شخص کو نیچے منظم نہیں کرسکتا ہے۔ جب یہ مناسب ہو تو وہ شخص کبھی کبھی اپ گریڈ نہیں کرسکتا کیونکہ کسی وقت ان کے ایڈرینلز کو گولی ماری جاتی ہے اور ان کی ایڈرینالائن… جیسے ، یہ قریب قریب ہی ختم ہوجاتا ہے کیونکہ آپ ہمیشہ محافظ رہتے ہیں یہاں تک کہ جب یہ مناسب نہیں ہوتا ہے۔ تو ، چلیں ہم کہتے ہیں کہ آپ کار حادثے کا شکار ہو گئے۔ اور اگر آپ کے ایڈرینلز کو پہلے ہی گولی مار دی گئی ہے تو ، آپ کا جسم جب ضرورت ہو تو مناسب مقدار میں ایڈرینالین تیار نہیں کرسکتا ہے۔ لہذا ، ہم متغیر ہونا چاہتے ہیں۔ آپ جانتے ہو ، ہم آپ کو باقاعدہ ، نیچے کو منظم کرنے اور آپ کے جسم میں جس تناؤ کا تناسب کم کر سکتے ہیں ، اس کے قابل ہونا چاہتے ہیں۔

کیٹی: یہ سمجھ میں آتا ہے۔ اور جب آپ یہ کہہ رہے ہیں تو ، میں یہ بھی سوچ رہا ہوں ، ایک ماں کی حیثیت سے ، اگر میرے بچوں میں بھی یہ کام کرنے کی صلاحیت ہوتی تو ، میری زندگی بہت آسان ہوجاتی۔ میں جانتا ہوں کہ آپ کا بھی بچہ ہے۔ میں جاننا چاہتا ہوں ، کیا یہ ایسی چیز ہے جسے ایک فارمولے کے طور پر مربوط کیا جاسکتا ہے یا ہم اپنے بچوں کو ایسا کرنے کی ترغیب دے سکتے ہیں جس سے انہیں بھی فائدہ ہوگا؟ کیونکہ میں نے بہت سارے بالغوں کے بارے میں سنا ہے جنہوں نے ہم نے پہلے ہی دباؤ ڈالنے اور جلاوطن ہونے کے بعد اور باقی سب کچھ ہونے کے بعد اسے بطور بالغ یہ سیکھا ہے۔ کیا ہم ابتدائی عمر سے ہی اپنے بچوں کو یہ تعلیم دے سکتے ہیں اور انہیں ایسی بنیاد فراہم کرسکتے ہیں کہ امید ہے کہ انھیں ایسا کبھی نہیں کرنا پڑے گا؟

ایملی: ہاں۔ اور یہ وہ چیز ہے جس کے بارے میں مجھے واقعی بہت زیادہ شوق ہے ، خاص طور پر خود ایک نئی ماں کی حیثیت سے۔ میرا بیٹا صرف 15 ماہ کا ہے ، لیکن رات کے وقت بھی اس کے ساتھ… آپ جانتے ہو ، وہ ابھی بھی نرسنگ ہے ، اور اسی طرح رات کے وقت جب ہم لائٹس بجھاتے ہیں تو ، میرا مطلب ہے ، آپ کو معلوم ہے ، آرام دہ ہو۔ اور فرض کریں… اب ہماری رسم یہ ہے کہ جیسے ہی اس نے نرسنگ شروع کی ، میں نے کچھ واقعی گہری سانسیں لینا شروع کردیں اور میں اسے قابل سماعت انداز میں انجام دیتا ہوں۔ اور پھر وہ میری نقل کرتا ہے ، آپ جانتے ہیں ، لہذا میں جاؤں گا (سانس لیں گے ، سانس لیں گے) اور پھر یہ تقریبا کھیل کی طرح ہے۔ اور پھر وہ اپنی سانس لیتا ہے اور پھر میں اپنی سانس لیتا ہوں اور وہ اپنی سانس لیتا ہے۔ اور جب وہ یہ کر رہا ہے تو وہ مسکرا رہا ہے کیونکہ مجھے لگتا ہے کہ یہ اس کے لئے اچھا لگتا ہے ، لیکن یہ ایک مذاق سے چھوٹا سا کھیل ہے جو ہم کھیل رہے ہیں۔ اور وہ ابھی تک بات بھی نہیں کرسکتا۔ اور اس طرح ، مجھے لگتا ہے کہ جتنے پہلے ہم ان ٹولز کو متعارف کرائیں ، اتنا ہی بہتر اور بچے ہمیشہ آپ کی مثال سے سیکھتے ہیں ، آپ کی باتوں سے نہیں۔ وہ کرنے والے ہیں جو ہم کرتے ہیں۔ وہ جو ہم کہتے ہیں وہ کرنے والے نہیں۔ اور اس طرح ، اگر آپ مغلوب ، دباؤ ، نیند نہیں ، اپنی زندگی بطور شہید جی رہے ہیں ، آپ جانتے ہو ، ہمیشہ مغلوب رہتے ہیں ، ہمیشہ شیڈول کے پیچھے محسوس کرتے ہیں تو ، وہ یہ دیکھنے کو مل رہے ہیں اور یہ ان پر دباؤ ڈالنے والا ہے۔ Out

میں ہر وقت بچوں کے پاس مراقبہ کی تربیت طلب کرنے کے لئے لوگوں کے پاس آتا رہتا ہوں ، اور میں جو سوال پوچھتا ہوں وہ یہ ہے کہ ، “کیا آپ غور کر رہے ہیں؟” اور وہ پسند کرتے ہیں ، “نہیں ، میرے پاس وقت نہیں ہے ، لیکن میں چاہتا ہوں کہ میرے بچے یہ کام کریں۔” اور یہ ایسا ہی ہے ، “ہنی ، لگتا ہے کیا؟ آپ کا تناؤ آپ کے بچے کے تناؤ کو متاثر کررہا ہے۔ اور اسی طرح ، یہاں واقعی حیرت انگیز خبر یہ ہے کہ 2020 کا ہمارا بڑا پروجیکٹ وہ ہے جہاں ہم Ziva Kids چل رہے ہیں۔ اور میں اس سے بہت پرجوش ہوں کہ ہم اس کے لئے ترقی میں جانے والے ہیں۔ اور یہ حتمی طور پر 80٪ والدین کو پڑھائے گا ، اور اس کے بعد 20 mod بچوں کی عمریں اور ان کے ساتھ کیا سلوک کررہے ہیں اس پر مبنی ماڈیول بنیں گے ، جس پر میں بہت خوش ہوں۔ لیکن اس کا انتظار نہ کریں۔ میرا انتظار مت کرو مجھے لگتا ہے کہ آپ جلد ہی ان آلات اور تکنیک کو اپنے بچوں سے متعارف کروانا شروع کر سکتے ہیں۔

لیکن میں واقعتا think سوچتا ہوں کہ پہلا قدم آپ کو خود ہی کرنا ہے کیونکہ آپ کو یہ سمجھنا ہوگا کہ یہ آپ کی طرح کی بات ہے کہ وہ اپنے بچوں کی رہنمائی کرنے میں مدد کریں۔ چونکہ اس کے نمک کے قابل کوئی مراقبہ مشق عام طور پر ایک سم ربائی کی کوئی شکل پیدا کرتی ہے۔ اور یہ ایسی چیز ہے جس کے بارے میں کوئی بات نہیں کر رہا ہے ، کوئی بھی کسی کو انتباہ نہیں دے رہا ہے ، کیوں کہ ہمارے خیال میں ، “اوہ ، جب میں غور کرنا شروع کروں گا ، مجھے صرف خوشی کے بادل پر ہلنا چاہئے ، اور میں پھر کبھی غمگین نہیں ہوں گا۔ ” تو یہ نہیں ہے کہ یہ کیسے کام کرتا ہے۔ آپ ابھی بھی انسان ہیں آپ کو ابھی بھی احساسات ہیں۔ اور ابتدا میں ، کیونکہ ہم میں سے بیشتر کے پاس وہ ساری چیزیں ہمارے جسم میں محفوظ ہوتی ہیں ، اس طرح ، جسمانی اور جذباتی رہائی کی مدت ہوتی ہے۔ اور یوں ، لوگ بہت ہی غمگین ، اور بہت پریشان ، اور بہت ناراض ، اور پہلے چند دن اور کبھی کبھی تو ہفتوں تک بہت تھک سکتے ہیں۔ اور اسی طرح ، ایک بار پھر ، میں سمجھتا ہوں کہ یہ ضروری ہے کہ والدین کو تجربہ ہو اور وہ اپنے بچوں کی مدد کرنے سے پہلے اس سے گزرنا جانیں۔

اب ، ظاہر ہے کہ ، امید ہے کہ ، ہمارے پاس اتنا ذخیرہ اندوزی نہیں ہے ، لیکن اب بھی کچھ بچوں کے لئے بھی ہوسکتے ہیں کیونکہ وہ اجتماعی طور پر اس طرح ٹیپ ہوگئے ہیں۔ تو ، جواب ہاں میں ہے ، اور میں یہ کہہ سکتا ہوں کہ بچوں کو شروع کرنے کے لئے ذہن سازی ایک بہت بڑی چیز ہے۔ اور آپ سانسوں کا کام کرسکتے تھے۔ آپ چند نرم یوگا پوز بھی کرسکتے ہیں۔ آپ ان کا پسندیدہ مقام جان سکتے ہیں۔ یہ آپ کے ذہنوں کی طرف توجہ دلانا شروع کر سکتے ہیں کہ ان کو یہ سکھانے کے لئے کہ اندر سے افاقہ ہوسکتا ہے ، جب جب وہ مغلوب ، پریشانی یا ناراضگی محسوس کرتے ہوں ، کہ وہ واقعی اندر جاسکتے ہیں اور داخلی طور پر اپنی حالت تبدیل کرنا شروع کرسکتے ہیں ، میرے خیال میں یہ شروع سے ہی اپنے بچوں کے ساتھ بانٹنے کے لئے واقعی قابل قدر ٹولز ہیں۔

اور میں کرتا ہوں… جب میں بڑوں کو تعلیم دیتی ہوں تو میری بہت سی تربیت یہ ہے کہ میں ان سے اپنے بچوں سے اس کے بارے میں بات کرنے کا طریقہ بتاتا ہوں کیونکہ بہت سارے لوگ بہانہ استعمال کریں گے ، “ٹھیک ہے ، میں مراقبہ نہیں کرسکتا کیونکہ میرے بچے ہیں۔” اور ، آپ جانتے ہو ، میں نے ایک ہی سال میں ایک کتاب اور ایک بچہ لانچ کیا ، اور اسی طرح یہ ممکن ہے اور میں پورے تین گھنٹے میں ہر تین گھنٹے نرسنگ رہا تھا۔ تو ، یہ شدید ہے ، لیکن یہ ممکن ہے۔ آپ کو صرف اسٹراٹیجک ہونا پڑے گا ، اور آپ کو اس کو غیر گفت و شنید ترجیح بنانی ہوگی ، اور آپ اچھ ofے کا دشمن بننے نہیں دیں گے۔ لیکن مجھے لگتا ہے کہ… میرا مذاق جو میں والدین سے کہتا ہوں وہ ہے ، “اپنے بچوں کو بتاؤ کہ آپ جیدی بننے کی تربیت لے رہے ہیں۔” وہ اس طرح ہیں ، “ماں ابھی جدی بننے کی ٹریننگ لے رہی ہے ، لہذا مجھے رکاوٹ نہ بنائیں ،” یا ، “اگر ہڈیاں یا خون ہے تو ، براہ کرم ماں کے مراقبہ میں خلل ڈالیں۔ اور اگر ہڈیاں نہیں ہیں یا خون نہیں ہے تو ، پھر یہ 15 منٹ تک انتظار کرسکتا ہے۔ “

کیٹی: مجھے یہ پسند ہے۔ اور ہاں ، میں اس سے محبت کرتا ہوں ، “ماں جیڈی بننے کی تربیت لے رہی ہیں۔” یہ ایک عمدہ ہے۔ خاص طور پر ، میرے بچے “اسٹار وار” کے بہت بڑے مداح ہیں ، لیکن مجھے لگتا ہے کہ آپ نے بچوں کو کچھ بھی سکھانے کے بہترین طریقے سے اس کی تزئین و آرائش کی ہے کیونکہ میں یہ کہتا ہوں کہ اس کے ساتھ ہی اس میں تغذیہ غذا طرز زندگی بھی ہے ، نیک قسمت انھیں پڑھائے جب تک کہ آپ یہ نہیں کر رہے بھی. اور اس کا الٹا یہ ہے کہ اگر آپ یہ کر رہے ہیں تو ، آپ کو واقعی ان کو سکھانے کے لئے اتنا کچھ کرنے کی ضرورت نہیں ہے کیونکہ وہ فطری طور پر آپ کے پیچھے چل پڑے ہیں۔ اور میں نے واقعتا یہ حال ہی میں ایک مختلف دائرے میں دیکھا ہے۔ سالوں کی طرح ، میں نے ہمیشہ یہ ہی سوچا تھا ، “اوہ ، ہوسکتا ہے کہ میرے بچوں میں سے کوئی آواز کا سبق لینا چاہے ، اور پھر میں وہاں ہوں گے ، پسند کروں گا ،” کیونکہ میں ہمیشہ رکھنا چاہتا تھا آواز کے اسباق اور پھر آخر کار ، میں ایسا ہی تھا ، “رکو ، میں صرف یہ کیوں نہیں کرتا اور اپنے بچوں کی دلچسپی کا انتظار نہیں کرتا؟” اور میں نے کیا ، اور اب وہ سب کو آواز کے اسباق میں دلچسپی رکھتے ہیں۔ اور تو…

ایملی: آپ کے لئے اچھا ہے۔ یہ تو زبردست ہے.

کیٹی: یہ خوفناک ہے کیونکہ میں نے کبھی بھی عوام میں نہیں گایا ، لیکن یہ حیرت انگیز بھی ہے۔ میں پسند کرتا ہوں ، “اچھا ، وہ مجھے اپنے آرام کے علاقے سے باہر نکلتے ہوئے دیکھ رہے ہیں۔ وہ دیکھ رہے ہیں کہ مجھے پہلے کسی چیز میں خراب ہونا اور بہتر ہونا چاہئے۔ ” جیسے ، یہ زندگی کے ایسے اہم سبق ہیں ، لیکن مجھے لگتا ہے کہ آپ بہت صحیح ہیں۔ ہمارے بچے ہمارے کاموں پر بہت زیادہ توجہ دیتے ہیں ، اور یہ کسی بھی چیز کو منتقل کرنے کا آسان ترین طریقہ ہے۔ اور میں دیکھ سکتا تھا کہ مراقبہ بطور خاندان صبح کی معمول کا ایک اچھا حصہ بنتا ہے ، ہوسکتا ہے کہ اسکول سے پہلے یا سونے کے معمول کے طور پر۔ میرا خیال ہے کہ اگر آپ ان کے ساتھ یہ کام کر رہے ہیں تو بمقابلہ ان کے ساتھ کام کرنے کی کوشش کر رہے ہو تو یہ کنبہ کے ساتھ ٹچ پوائنٹ کی طرح ٹھنڈا ہوسکتا ہے۔ لیکن میں پیچھے دائرے میں جانا چاہتا ہوں کیونکہ آپ نے ایسا کچھ کہا جو مراقبہ کی بات کرنے سے پہلے میں نے کبھی نہیں سنا تھا ، اور یہ ڈیٹاکس اثر کے بارے میں تھا۔ لہذا ، وضاحت کریں کہ تھوڑا سا اور بھی کیونکہ میں یقینی طور پر نہیں جانتا تھا کہ وہ ایک چیز ہے۔

ایملی: تو ، اس سے کوئی فرق نہیں ہے کہ جب آپ کو ایک نفسانی تجربے کا پُرجوش کام ہوا ، اور پھر آپ کا جسم لرز اٹھنے لگا۔ جیسے ، یہ اس کی ایک نہایت ہی شدید ڈرامائی مثال ہے جہاں آپ نے کچھ کیا ، اس نے سیلولر شفا یابی کی ایک سطح پیدا کی ، اور پھر ایک کیتھرسس ہوا۔ اس صدمے کی رہائی ہوئی تھی جو آپ کے جسم میں ایک لمبے عرصے سے چل رہی تھی۔ اور اس طرح ، زیوا کے ساتھ کیا ہو رہا ہے وہ یہ ہے کہ ہم اندر جا رہے ہیں اور ہم اپنے جسم کو یہ آرام دے رہے ہیں جو نیند سے پانچ گنا زیادہ گہری ہے۔ اور جب آپ اپنے جسم کو باقی چیزیں دیتے ہیں جس کی ضرورت ہوتی ہے تو ، یہ خود کو ٹھیک کرنے کا طریقہ جانتا ہے۔ اور یہاں پر زبردست چیز یہ ہے کہ یہ نہ صرف آج کے تناؤ کا شفا بخش ہے بلکہ ہمارے ماضی کے تمام تناؤ کو بھی ٹھیک کررہا ہے۔ اور اس طرح ، یہاں تک کہ اگر آپ نے ٹاک تھراپی کی ہے ، یہاں تک کہ اگر آپ نے اپنی مدد آپ کی کتابیں پڑھی ہیں ، تب بھی وہ چیزیں آپ کے سیلولر میموری میں محفوظ ہوجاتی ہیں ، اور جب آپ مراقبہ کی مشق شروع کرتے ہیں تو ، اسے باہر آنا پڑتا ہے۔ General Chat Chat Lounge اسے کہیں جانا ہے۔

And so, oftentimes as the stress is leaving, it can have a bit of the same flavor on the way out as it did on the way in. So, if you have some sadness inside, you might have a little sad-flavored stress coming up and out. If you haven’t slept in 10 years, well, guess what? You might be a little sleepy in the beginning, and this happens a lot with like young women. You know, anger is not really a part of our archetype, and so in the beginning of the first few weeks, sometimes they get very, very angry. And that’s honestly a big part of my job. And I think it’s why it’s important that you do have a meditation teacher because that’s when my job is a job in that I’ve been through it myself and I’ve helped over 20,000 people through it.

So, I see some patterns, you know, and it doesn’t scare me, versus if you just start meditating and you think it’s all sunshine and roses and you should never have a feeling again, and then suddenly you’re being confronted by the entirety of your life’s trauma with no guidance, no warning, and no support through that, that’s another reason why a lot of people quit. Now, they just tell themselves they’re too busy, but in reality, they don’t want to feel that because we’ve got billions of dollars of industry. Those don’t help in ensuring that we never have to feel our feelings. And now the meditation goes in and wrings you out. It makes the feeling non-negotiable. And so, I think it’s really important you have a community, that you have the intellectual framework and understanding of what’s happening, and you have the proper support through that so that you can get through to the other side and reap the rewards.

Katie: That makes sense. And it’s good to know, you know, if you’re starting this, and you’re new to make sure that you’re supporting your body through that and you have a practice of, you know, being prepared for that detox and making sure you’re getting enough rest and that you’re being supported through that. You’ve mentioned… Well, before we move to your book, I was gonna say there is a link to the Ziva technique in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm. So, if any of you guys are running or driving, don’t worry about writing it down, but do check out the show notes so you can learn more about it. But you also mentioned your book a couple of times. I would love to hear what was the impetus for the book and walk us through what the book does.

Emily: Sure. This book is called “Stress Less, Accomplish More,” and the subtitle is “Meditation for Extraordinary Performance,” which goes back to the first concept we talked about, which is that we meditate to get good at life, not to get good at meditation. And really the promise is in the title. What I’m promising you is that if you do this, you’re gonna stress less, and you’ll be able to accomplish more because stress is wasting our time and energy. And in the book, what I do is that there’s… It’s really broken into three parts. The first third is what I call the selfish reasons that we come to meditation. So, there’s a whole chapter on the science behind why it can help you have better sex. There’s a whole chapter on why it can reverse your body age. There’s a chapter on why it can improve your immune function. There’s a chapter on why it can increase your performance and productivity.

And then there’s also… I don’t know how many folks in here are dealing with fertility stuff, but we have crazy case studies around fertility. Like, that just was a bit of a surprise benefit for me. And then also jet lag. So, the first seven chapters are the selfish reasons that people come to meditation. And then, in part two, I teach a gentle version of the Ziva technique. It’s a bit gentler for the reason that I just said in that, you know, we’ve had over 42,000 people buy the book so far. And there’s only one of me, and I do think it’s important that you have the proper guidance. And so, anyone who buys the book can join our Facebook group. It’s called the Ziva Tribe. So, there is some level of support. I’m in there. My other teachers are in there. The guides are in there. But it’s still not super-specialized in a super-personalized guidance, so I made the book technique a little bit gentler than what people can learn online or in person. So, that’s part two of the book.

And then the third part of the book is we pull the lens way out, and we start to look at the ripple effect. It’s like, “Okay, well, how does you selfishly improving yourself, how does this impact your kids? How does this impact your relationship? How does it impact your coworkers, your town, your community, and then ultimately humanity itself?” Because at the end of the day, as we heal ourselves, we help to heal the collective. If we have 8 billion stressed out people, what do we think this world is going to look and feel like? If we have 8 billion people meditating every day, you know, what kind of ingenuity, what type of creativity, what type of generosity do you think we’re dealing with collectively at that point?

Katie: I love that. Definitely, I’ll make sure there’s a link to that as well in the show notes. You guys can check it out. I’m really curious. I will definitely check out the book to find out the full reason, but how can meditation help with sex? Because I hear from a lot of moms, especially new moms, who struggle with that, with changes in their sex life or libido after having kids. So, what are some of the ways it works there?

Emily: Yes. So, I think that, you know, postpartum and post-labor is its own thing. So, this is not like I never want to add to anyone’s pressure to feel like the sexiest woman alive and to have sex every day. It’s certainly not through postpartum, which is, decidedly, at least for my experience, was not that sexy. My postpartum was pretty intense. However, I think that the big reasons why people aren’t having as much sex as they would like are, one, that they’re too tired. And I think it’s 40% of cohabitating adults in America say that the number one reason they don’t have as much sex as they would like to is they’re too tired. And so, if you think about it very simply, if Ziva is giving your body rest that’s five times deeper than sleep, then for a 15-minute meditation it’s equivalent to an hour-long nap. Now, imagine if you can take an hour-long nap at 5:00, you might be a little nicer to your kids at dinner and bath time, and you may even have a little gas left in the tank after bedtime to go and have sex with your partner versus just being exhausted and spent.

Now, the other thing is that stress, if we go back to that tiger attack, and if we look at all of the things that happen in the body when we’re in that fight or flight state, if your body thinks it’s preparing for a tiger attack, the last thing it’s interested in is procreation. All it’s interested in is saving this meat suit. You know, it wants to protect this body. The last thing it’s worried about is making a new body that thinks it’s under attack. So, we have to get out of that fight or flight and get into what I call stay and play. And then once we’re there, once we’re in that parasympathetic, then all of the endocrine functions, the hormonal functions, all of that stuff starts to even out. And then that’s to say nothing of healing the sexual trauma that a lot of people have. You know, I think it’s something crazy like three in five women go through some form of sexual abuse or sexual trauma, and that plays into our relationships. And so, if the meditation can go in and start to heal that as well, I think that it allows you to be more present with your partner versus bringing a lifetime of baggage into your relationship.

Katie: That makes sense. And you’ve used the phrase several times about meditation being five times deeper than sleep. I’d love if we could elaborate on that a little bit more because I think most people kind of use sleep as the gold standard. And so, I’m curious, like what is it doing in the brain differently than sleep? And what are the changes people see in their sleep over time if they make this type of meditation a daily habit?

Emily: Great question. So, to be honest, that statement of that it’s five times deeper than sleep is not 100% accurate because it’s a different type of rest. I just haven’t figured out an easy way to say this in a nutshell, but I’m glad you asked to elaborate on it. So, when we go to sleep at night… And, of course, sleep is considered the gold standard if that is the most restful form of rest that you have, but it’s like, “Well, what if there was this other type of rest?” And so, in sleep, our brain is chilling, but the body actually has to be on guard. And this goes back to the same saber-tooth tiger. It goes back to the same protecting us from predators. So, let’s say it’s 10,000 years ago. You’re in your cave. It’s bedtime. If you ever watched someone as they’re falling asleep or if you watch your kids as they’re falling asleep, in the beginning, breathing is normal. But when the brain clicks into sleep, your breathing changes, and suddenly it’s (snoring). You start revving quite high, breathing quite deeply because you need your heart and lungs and blood to be oxygenated so that if that tiger comes in, by the time you wake up mentally, your body is oxygenated and prepared to launch into fight or flight.

Now, the exact opposite is happening in Ziva. In Ziva, your body is getting this deep rest, meaning that metabolic rate decreases, so this means your breathing is going to slow precipitously. Your heart rate slows. Your body temperature cools. Now here’s the trick. Nature will not let you rest that deeply physically and be in blackout sleep mentally at the same time because, at that point, you’re in evolutionary liability. If that tiger comes in and by the time you wake up out of blackout sleep and then your breathing speeds up, in order to launch into fight or flight, you would be tiger sacks. So, one or the other has to be on guard. When we’re sleeping, the brain is chilling, the body is on guard. When we’re meditating, the body is chilling, the brain is on guard. So, it’s almost the opposite of everything you’ve heard about meditation. People think you should be like in a deaf, dumb, and blind chamber of nothingness, but you’re actually very mentally alert during meditation. And it is that mental alertness that allows your body to get such deep healing rest, and it’s that deep healing rest that makes you more awake in your waking state, which is what’s making you better at life to bring it back full circle.

Katie: That makes complete sense that your body would not want to be in both of those states at the same time.

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Katie: For people who are curious, and I am too, what is the like practical way that the program works? Is it like an online course that you follow because it’s something people can learn over time and then integrate without needing to follow something or what does it look like?

Emily: Yes, that’s exactly it. So, what I love about Ziva and the book and ZivaONLINE, basically, all of my trainings are designed to make you self-sufficient. It is designed to give you the keys to the car and the driving instructions so that you can do this stuff on your own for life, meaning that, you know, let’s say it is 11:00 at night or 10:00 at night and you’re in the room with your kids. You don’t need to like go get an iPad and make sure it’s charged and have it on dim mode, so the lights aren’t coming in their eyes and have the perfect speakers or headphones or… You know, there’s no electronics required once you graduate, which… And this is a little bit of a secret. It’s like all those meditation apps out there, the “free” meditation apps, they’re designed to keep you tethered to your phone. If they’re free to use… And that means they’re getting their money off of advertising dollars, which means that they are monetized by how long your eyeballs are on your phone.

And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my eyeballs on my phone for my meditation practice. And so, the idea here is that once you move through the online course, you have the tools to take with you for life. And I don’t know that I said this yet, but the Ziva technique is a trifecta of mindfulness, meditation, and manifesting. So, the three Ms, that’s what we teach. So, with the online course, it’s about 15 minutes a day for 15 days. So, it’s like, ideally, you just wake up before the kids get up and watch it first thing in the morning before coffee, and it builds upon itself. So, the first 3 days are mindfulness, and then days 4 through 12, you learn the meditation. And that’s really where the magic happens. That’s where this deep rest comes. That’s where you’re actually given something called a mantra, which is not a slogan, it’s not a saying, but it’s a very powerful mind vehicle. That’s what mantra means. It’s a song script word. Man means mind, and tra means vehicle. And that’s kind of, like, the key to the Ziva car.

So, you get that, and you use that days 4 through 12, and then once you become an expert in that, we move on to the manifesting. And that sounds a little witchy or a little hippy-dippy, but it’s not. It’s you getting clear on what it is that you want in your life. And I find that for so many of us, we’ve been in survival mode for so long that it’s easy to forget our dreams, especially as moms. It’s so easy to start taking care of everyone else and forget what you want. And so, I love this manifesting piece because you do it just for two minutes at the end of your meditation, and it’s time to start to ask a question such as, “What would I love right now? What would I love right now,” not, “What should I do,” no, “What do my kids need,” not, “What’s going to make me the most money,” not, “What would look good on Instagram,” but, “What would I love right now?”

And what I’ve found is the combination of meditation and manifesting is so much more powerful. It’s so much faster than either one alone. It’s like it’s supercharged. I just got off the phone with someone, and he said that he was a yoga teacher, but then he learned Ziva. And he said, “This is like jet fuel for my spiritual classes,” because even though a lot of us might think that we’re manifesting, we might even think that we’re praying, but what we’re accidentally doing is complaining, and we don’t even realize it. We’re asking questions like, “Why can’t I lose this weight? What’s wrong with my husband?” Like, “Why did she get a job and I didn’t?” And if you start to ask terrible questions, you’re gonna get terrible answers.

If you ask your body, “Why can’t I lose this weight,” your body will answer that question. If you ask, “Why does she have a boyfriend and I don’t,” again, your body will answer that question. So, instead, I teach people how to remember their dreams, how to use this very sacred time where the right and left hemispheres of the brain are functioning in unison to plant the seeds for everything that you want to create. So to ask questions like, “How much money would I love to make this year? What does my dream relationship with my body feel like? What does my dream schedule look like with my family? What does my dream relationship look like?” And then you start to move towards the positive instead of away from the negative.

Katie: I love that. I think that’s another thing that I’ve heard you say that I love so much is about the questions we ask ourselves because I think so many times we do that more in our head than we do… We wouldn’t ask those things of a friend, or we wouldn’t talk like that to other people, but we have that script running in our head, and then, you’re right, our brain answers the question. So, I think even that simple reframe is so amazing. And at the beginning, you talked a little bit about adaptation energy. I want to go a little bit deeper on that, if you don’t mind, and talk about how meditation helps replenish that, and what are the benefits of that?

Emily: So, I would define adaptation energy as your ability to handle a demand. It’s your ability to handle a change of expectations. So, as moms, we are dealing with, you know, changes of expectation and demands all day, every day. You thought you were gonna sleep until 7:00. Haha. Your kids woke up at 6:00. You thought you had eggs and then, uh oh, you realize that you didn’t have any. You know, you thought there was going to be no traffic driving your kids to school. It turns out it’s parking lot, and now they’re late for school. You know, you thought you were gonna be able to get all your work done by 2:00. Haha. Conference call went late, and now you’re late to pick up your kids. It’s just a constant stream of demands, a constant stream of changes of expectation. And these demands are burning up something that we call adaptation energy. And if you run out of adaptation energy and then you have another demand, then your body is going to launch into fight or flight whether you’ve read, “Eat, Pray, Love”, or not, whether you’ve read, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” or not because we don’t act in accordance with what we know.

We act in accordance with the baseline level of stress in our nervous systems. We all know how we should be acting. None of us are doing it because we’re stressed. You know, we know we shouldn’t drink a bottle of wine at night. We know we shouldn’t be binging on Netflix until 2:00 in the morning. We know we shouldn’t be scrolling through Instagram for an hour, but we do it anyway because we’re stressed. And so, if you start meditating every day, twice a day, not only are you getting rid of that stress, but you’re filling up your reservoirs with this adaptation energy. And so, does it take away the demands? No. What it does is that it increases your ability to elegantly handle the demands. So, instead of freaking out and having a full-blown fight or flight stress reaction on your kids by 6:00 at night because you’re exhausted, it’s like you just meditated. You have more patience. You have more creativity. You have some more gas in the tank to handle the flow of demands.

Katie: Got it. Yeah, that makes me think of several years ago, gosh, it’s probably been like five now, I hit a point where I thought I was gonna have a nervous breakdown because I was so stressed. And probably I had no adaptation energy left, but I had a business and family and just all the things on my plate, and I had this moment where I realized in business everything just… It’s automated. It flows. I have systems. It’s so easy. I get that part. But at home, I feel like I’m just treading water or juggling plates all the time. And I finally had this moment of clarity to realize that because in business I have systems, and objectives, and KPIs, and goals, and I run things according to a plan whereas, at home, I’m just trying to juggle everything in my head all of the time.

So, for me, part of it was figuring out how to put practical systems in place at home that reduce stress, so I didn’t have those open loops all the time, and I didn’t feel like I was constantly having to adapt. But I think you have the other piece of the puzzle, which is that you have to like give your brain the ability to have more adaptation energy with the two of those. I feel like that’s extremely effective for moms because we do have typically more on our plates than most people in society. And we’re juggling a lot, and we’re managing the, you know, emotional responsibility for our kids, and food, and house, and job a lot of times. So, I love that you talk about that. That’s so important.

Emily: Yes. And thank you for illustrating such a beautiful idea of how to get out of that survival mode. It’s like, yes, if you create a system to close those open loops, that’s another way to give yourself more adaptation energy. So, all those open cycles are burning up adaptation energy as well. So it’s two-fold. You want to increase your capacity, but whenever possible, we also want to remove the demand or delegate the demand or systematize the demand. So, it is. It’s hardware and software.

Katie: That makes sense. So, as we get near the end of our time, I always love to ask a couple of questions and the first being other than your own, which, of course, will be linked in the show notes, if there is a book or number of books that have dramatically impacted your life and if so what they are and why.

Emily: So, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I’m gonna go old school and go to a book that I read in high school. And it was Ayn Rand’s “The Fountainhead,” and I read it. I was in an AP literature class, and it’s basically… I mean, it can be… Some people call it like the capitalism manifesto. It can be taken out of context or taken too far because it’s very much celebrating the individual and the ego. The idea is that the ego is the thing that’s propelling society forward. But I read it at a time where I was… It was in a small town, and I was, you know, making straight A’s and I was the lead in the play. And, you know, I was succeeding in a lot of different areas in my life, and I think I was getting a little bit of tall poppy syndrome. And I started feeling like I would rather people like me then be my best because I started to see that I was excelling in these different areas.

At least my perception was that I was making other people uncomfortable or they didn’t like me. Now, I could’ve just been a meanie, and that’s why people didn’t like me. I don’t know. But I started diminishing myself, and playing small, and trying to make other people feel better by not being in my full power. And I read this book. I think I was a junior, and it really changed my life. It allowed me to step into my greatness, and it allowed me to see, well, like, me diminishing myself as not helping to lift anyone else up. And I quote from Marianne Williamson, which is, you know, “It’s our light that most frightens us, not our darkness. Who are we to play small? As you step into your greatness, you inspire other people to do the same.” That quote and book have really, really changed my life at a young age in high school.

Katie: I love that. That’s a new recommendation, and I’m actually gonna read it because I’ve had those thoughts as well. Like, there are times when I was worried that if I was like fully myself, I would be intimidating or, like, too much or, like, people wouldn’t like me because of that. And so, that actually really resonates with me. I’ll make sure those are linked in the show notes as well. Are there any other misconceptions about your area of expertise that you feel like people just don’t understand?

Emily: I mean, I’ve said it before, but I’m gonna say it again because I think it bears repeating because it’s so pervasive, and that is that people think they can’t meditate because they can’t clear their mind. That really is the biggest thing keeping so many people from practicing. I was on the subway the other day, and this guy was like, “What do you do?” And I said, “I’m a meditation teacher,” and I saw his face cringe. It’s like, “Oh, I can’t do that. It’s like I can’t clear my mind.” And this guy clearly had zero meditation training, and yet he was convinced, he was hell-bent on the fact that he couldn’t do it because he couldn’t clear his mind. So, I’m gonna be shouting this from the rooftops for a really long time. You don’t have to clear your mind in order to get the benefits of meditation.

Katie: I love it. And any parting advice to leave with the listeners today?

Emily: Well, I think this is a trick question for me because, for me, it’s find a teacher that you trust and you respect and invest the time to learn a meditation practice because it just makes everything else better. Life is sweeter. Food tastes better. Your body is stronger. Your sleep… I mean, it makes life so much more enjoyable. So, that’s my parting wisdom. Find a practice, invest the time, and just do it. It’s so worth it for you, for your kids, for your husband, for everyone around you. It’s worth it.

Katie: Awesome. And all of the links to find you and your book and your courses are in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm. So, you guys make sure to check that out, but anywhere else, people can find you and connect with you online?

Emily: Yeah, so the book and the online course and our live courses, that’s all at zivameditation.com. I know it’s a kind of a weird word, but it’s just Z-I-V-A, Ziva meditation, and then we’re all over social media just @Zivameditation.

Katie: Awesome. Emily, thank you so much for being here. This was super fun and enlightening, and I am definitely gonna be checking out all of your resources, and I know many others will as well. So, thank you for sharing.

Emily: Thank you for having me. Thank you for the body of work that you’ve created in helping so many people, especially parents because we need it.

Katie: Well, and thanks to all of you for listening and sharing one of your most valuable assets, your time, with both of us. We’re so grateful that you did, and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of The Wellness Mama podcast.

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

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