Q&A With Katie: Parenting Teens, Homeschooling

Baby: Welcome to my mom’s podcast.

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Katie: Hello and welcome to Valence Mama Podcast. I’m Katie from Valensmama.com and Valencia.com, our new line of natural personal care products that works better or better than their traditional chemical substitutes and you can check them out on Valence.com At the same time there is welfare. We have hair care, toothpaste and now hand cleaners. In this episode, I am answering some of the questions you asked and going into detail on a few things that I have been asked about, especially home schooling, various questions about our strengths that now We have teens, cheerleaders, magnesium and one I hope some other people will have a really fun event. As always I would love to hear your opinion in the show notes on mama.fm and I can answer the questions there. If there are any follow-up questions.

I would also like to thank all of you who completed the podcast survey and commented on things that I can do better than the podcast. Definitely take your impressions from the heart and there is a sign right now that I am looking to remind you to speak more softly. I know that’s what I’m struggling with. In addition, hopefully to provide such a better experience by playing around, rotating and shortening the ads. And I like that you guys recommend having some special guests for the two guests, which I talk about a lot but did nothing with those guests. So thank you all for the honest feedback. It was very helpful. Without further ado, I’ll just start reading some of the user’s questions and go into detail on how I handle them.

So Ruth and Mariana both asked about home schooling, how we developed the curriculum, how we designed it, and if anything has changed now that we have older children. And in pursuit of that, Melinda asked, she said, “I’ve heard you’re home school. If so, how can you choose the curriculum? Insights into the early years?” It is also surprising that you have decided to create a culture of keeping your children at home and learning at home.

And this is one of my favorite topics and I hope to be able to share some useful things today. I’m going deeper into my whole system and the nature of how we built it. Also in the podcast you can hear a lot of what I did with my eldest son. Not specifically towards home school, but how it reflects the different things we are doing. Now with him when he is old. You’ve probably heard me talk about how I don’t really post about my kids on social media.

They are not visible on the blog and their names are not used and we wanted to give them freedom not to appear online if they wanted to. We wanted it to be their choice. And now that he’s 13 and he’s incredibly responsible, we’re letting him decide. So he just released a book called Chef Jr. If you want to check it out I’ll put a link in the show note. But this is his first project facing the public. And because of this, he has chosen to have a more social media presence. But in the podcast I did with it, we talk about some aspects of home schooling. We also talk about the Entrepreneur Program with him, which I’m going to talk about in a minute or two, and his opinion about it is that it’s all done by him. Has gone

So this is a kind of balance for me that only parents and teachers can explain. So that link will be in the show note. If you want to check out this episode. That’s a very good compliment. But in general, we started from the beginning when it came to home schooling, when our children were close to school age. We didn’t just want to have a regular school at home and I just didn’t want to follow the curriculum and make home school a normal scene. I really tried to step back and think about what is the best way to teach children in today’s world. And I revisited all the traditional methods because I think there are a lot of home school programs when they offer a lot of flexibility and a lot of people definitely have their strengths in what they teach in schools. They form the same system.

So when I say that I inquired about all these things, I inquired about things like traditional degrees, traditional subjects and commands, and even writing methods. If you’ve been a listener or reader for a while, you may have heard me mention the 80/20 rules and I definitely applied them here. If you haven’t heard of it, basically the idea is that 20% outs give 80% results. And in business, flips are also true, often 80% of the hassle is caused by 20% of consumers. It works in many different fields. But I wanted to see how it would be applied in school. So basically knowing what 20 skills are, skills, subjects, etc., they need to be successful as an adult, no matter what area they go to as an adult and basically focus on these people and Then let them master beyond that.

And before I start building the practical side of a curriculum, I really wanted to map out the goals. What are the important goals that I want my children to have? So I thought, what is the most important quality that my children will need as adults in today’s world? And I don’t care what they decide to do, whether it’s a traditional educational path and our traditional career, or a business or something that doesn’t exist yet. Because what I do to make a living was not present when I was some of their age. And so I wanted skills that would help them in any of these scenarios. And we value skills for critical thinking, creativity, innovation, the ability to connect dots where other people don’t see them, the ability to question authority when needed and the basics for learning new skills quickly. Are able. And we realized that these are things that can’t be easily outsourced in technology and will serve them in whatever field they decide to pursue.

We also wanted them to have at least basic business skills if they would make a decision. So on this note, we don’t prefer college, but I wanted them to enter easily if they wanted to. I didn’t know college was optional, really until I got there and my kids would have a different experience like that. But I’m not just teaching them skills that will get them to college. I’m not teaching them to be good testers. Like I was trying to be a good examiner. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I wanted them to have usable real-life skills and be able to take the test and, if they want to be able to get into college, become just a secondary skill.

What I realize is that technology is rapidly changing the culture of work. So it is impossible to know what their adult world will be like, especially for the little ones. And I thought about it, as I mentioned, even in my life as a blogger and podcaster, these things weren’t even in my options when I was six years old. So if someone had asked me what I wanted to do when I was growing up, I would never have thought to think about them because they didn’t exist. So at a time when they have been living in a completely different world for 10, 12 years because of technology, how can I better prepare them for this ever-changing scenario? And it really reflects me and asks, does the traditional school culture do that or does most home school curricula do the same? And I felt that, at least for me, the answer didn’t seem to be that they had created at least better ways for adult children to prepare, which would teach them the things they needed to learn, but A method that retains the basic features that were so important.

So I took 20% of the 80/20 rules and I followed these standards to maintain these basic features. And I tried to figure out ways to teach it that met those standards. At an early age it was very easy because children are so curious by nature and we certainly wanted to keep their natural curiosity. And often it was as simple as answering their questions when they asked why or how or encouragingly following the questions and researching with them. Many times when he was young and still with young children, now he asks a question. I would say things like I don’t know, but let’s research and find out together. We spend a lot of time researching, learning and reading random topics. We followed some basic programs to read and read acoustics when they were really young just to help them make that leap.

But I also really read a lot with them when they were really young. From there I collected the curriculum that we use to the fullest from the beginning. I would also say that this is no small task with six children and trying to make the curriculum individual. So my parents live nearby and my father is a retired college professor. And having extra hands on the deck is really helpful. This has been a huge benefit because my kids must have four teachers, and when they have six kids, it’s really helpful. And they, too, have only teachers besides me. But to be more clear. Because your questions were a bit more specific. That’s the decent thing to do, and it should end there. And for that reason, some of the things that we do differently, I think even then, are an example of most home school curricula. And if you do something wrong you lose points. .

We start from scratch and we build, and it was very deliberate because with my personality at school, like I said, I got really good at taking the test, but I didn’t get anyone below 100. Also saw the thing as a failure. And I was afraid of making mistakes. And I’m not saying that traditional school grading was the only reason. Those were the aspects of my personality that had to be answered that way. I don’t think so. But it was important to me. I didn’t want my kids to be afraid of making mistakes and I didn’t want them to be afraid of failure. And so I wanted to focus primarily on the development mentality, in contrast to being punished for making mistakes. Because in real life you often mistakenly grow and learn your best lessons. And it is in correcting the mistakes that you often find success. So let us start them from scratch and build only so that they become the center of progress rather than punishment for making mistakes.

We don’t even create school work to complete the time, but the key goal is to master a subject. So they don’t just get worksheets to pass a certain number of daily and when they can demonstrate that any subject is credible that they understand it and are proficient in it, they move on. can. Once they really master it, they don’t have to live with the idea. And 80/20 has that kind of relationship. It’s not just about filling the time or just hitting eight hours a day. It’s about mastering the subject. And it’s encouraging them to go through the motions rather than actually learning it. Based on one thing I, in my own school, I don’t expect them to show their work in any particular way, especially in things like math. If they can give an answer and how they got there, no matter how they did it, then I let them count because I really want them to think outside the box.

And on the same line, if they can get a reliable and consistently correct answer in their head without showing work, they don’t have to show work. As long as it’s strong enough, they’re always getting the right answer. I also listen to them when they come up with questions about a topic or want to go through a topic. I vividly remember being in high school and talking to teachers about why we have to do so many of these workshops and why we have to keep doing these exercises, well, you always have There will be no calculator. You. And I just laugh because we all have our phones all the time and we have an incredible computer that stays in our back pocket all the time. And so again, try to keep in mind what adult life will be like for them. And how do you best prepare them for this?

So instead of focusing on the basics, how can we build on the technology that still exists? We also have extraordinary subjects but go beyond basic subjects. So we do 80/20, and they get basic basic math and science and reading etc but we have new subjects. There’s a title here and there, he encourages them to do something new every day. And it focuses on maintaining curiosity and asking questions and that can be any topic. And so they can do research on boats or bananas or auctions or whatever, but they learn these interesting things about different topics. And then it’s always fun, the lunchtime conversation is based on some of the fun things they’ve learned that day or my eldest son is often researching technology or environmental topics and really talking deep about science. Keeps doing

But our goal was just mentally to get them into a habit of always wanting to learn and follow new things. And so they get time every day, only to be stopped from reading interesting things that interest them. Also, when they finish their work, they are done for the day. We don’t follow any timeline, I pointed it out. But unlike a regular school, I don’t need them to sit at a desk from eight to three. لہذا یہ کارکردگی کے بارے میں ہے اور اگر وہ اپنا کام زیادہ تیزی سے ختم کرسکتے ہیں تو ، وہ دن کے لئے کر چکے ہیں اور پھر وہ باہر کھیل سکتے ہیں ، جس کی ہم حوصلہ افزائی کرتے ہیں اور ان کے دوستوں کے ساتھ کھیل سکتے ہیں۔ ہم بہت سارے ہاتھوں اور تجربات کو بھی کرتے ہیں اور اسی کی حوصلہ افزائی جدت اور باکس سوچ سے باہر ہے۔ لہذا یہ ایسی چیزیں ہیں جیسے کسی طرح کا تضاد ڈیزائن کرنے کی کوشش کرنا جو انڈے کو چھت سے پھینکتے وقت ٹوٹ جاتا ہے ، چاہے وہ طبیعیات ہو یا کیمسٹری کے تجربات ہوں۔

اور اکثر ہم تجربہ کرتے ہیں اور پھر پیچھے کی طرف کام کرتے ہیں تاکہ وہ چیز کو دیکھیں گے اور پھر یہ معلوم کرنا ہوگا کہ ایسا کیوں ہوا ہے۔ یا ہم سقراطی قسم کی بہت ساری چیزیں کرتے ہیں جہاں سوال پوچھنا اور اس کے ذریعے بات کرنا بمقابلہ ٹیسٹ لینا جیسے بتایا جا رہا ہے کہ ایک صحیح جواب تھا۔ ایک طویل عرصے تک ہم نے ہفتے میں ایک بار بھی فیلڈ ٹرپ لیا ، لہذا ہم ہر جمعہ کو کسی میوزیم یا میرین سینٹر یا یہاں تک کہ کسی بزنس مینوفیکچرنگ پلانٹ میں جانے کے لئے وقف کردیں گے جہاں وہ کسی چیز کو سیکھ سکیں جو ان کے عام دن سے باہر تھا۔ صرف مقامی کاروبار سے بات کرنے میں واقعی لطف آتا ہے۔ وہ کسی بھی جگہ نہیں تھے جیسے کسی عام اسکول کے فیلڈ ٹرپ پر جانے کے ل go مقامات پر جاکر یہ دیکھیں کہ چیزیں کیسے بنی ہیں یا کاروبار میں داخلہ کیسا چلتا ہے۔ یہ وہ چیز تھی جس کے بارے میں میرے خیال میں ان کے لئے بھی واقعتا impact کارآمد تھا۔

ایک اور چیز جو ہم والدین کے نقطہ نظر سے الگ کرتے ہیں ، اور یہ بھی گھریلو اسکول میں داخل ہوجاتا ہے ، کیا ہم ان کی حوصلہ افزائی کرتے ہیں کہ وہ اتھارٹی اور یہاں تک کہ اور خاص طور پر مجھ سے سوال کریں۔ لہذا وہ اکثر مجھ سے یہ کہتے ہوئے سنیں گے ، آپ جانتے ہو ، سوالات پوچھتے ہیں ، جب آپ کو کچھ بتایا جاتا ہے تو ہمیشہ سوالات پوچھتے ہیں ، اسے قدر کی نگاہ سے مت لیں۔ اور میرا سب سے بڑا بیٹا ، جب وہ چھوٹا تھا ، اس نے کہا ، یہاں تک کہ آپ ، مجھے بھی آپ سے سوال کرنا چاہئے؟ اور میں نے کہا ، یہاں تک کہ ، اور خاص طور پر مجھے ، کیوں کہ ابھی میں آپ کی زندگی میں اتھارٹی کی نمائندگی کرتا ہوں اور اگر آپ اب مجھ سے احترام سے سوال نہیں کرسکتے یا علمی طور پر ایسا کرنے کی صلاحیت رکھتے ہیں تو ، آپ بالغ زندگی میں یہ نہیں کر پائیں گے۔ جب آپ کو ضرورت ہو۔ اور یقینا. ، معزز پہلو ، یہ ہمیشہ اہم رہتا ہے کیونکہ بالغ زندگی میں ، یہ بھی واقعی اہم ہے۔

لیکن میں چاہتا تھا کہ وہ اس عادت میں آجائیں جب کسی اتھارٹی کے اعداد و شمار نے انہیں کچھ بتایا نہ صرف اسے قدر کی نگاہ سے لیا ، بلکہ اس جواب کی پشت پناہی کرنے کے لئے کیوں اور کیسے سوالات پوچھ سکتے ہیں۔ انکا اپنا. عملی طور پر یہ بات پوڈکاسٹ کے ایک سابقہ ​​مہمان ، نوین جین سے آئی ہے ، جو ایک کاروباری ہے۔ وہ رہا ، اس نے بہت سی کمپنیاں شروع کیں اور اس کے تین بالغ بچے ہیں۔ جو سب بہت ہی عمدہ حیرت انگیز باتیں کر رہے ہیں۔ اور اسی طرح میں نے اس سے پوچھا ، کچھ ایسی کون سی چیزیں ہیں جن کے بارے میں آپ نے یہ سمجھا کہ انھوں نے ان کو یہ مہارت فراہم کرنے میں مدد کی کہ وہ اب جو بھی بالغ ہونے کے خواہاں ہیں ان کا پیچھا کریں؟ اور کچھ ایسی کیا چیزیں ہیں جو والدین کی حیثیت سے ہم اپنے بچوں کو ان صلاحیتوں کو بڑھانے میں مدد کرسکتے ہیں؟ اور ایک مشورہ جو انہوں نے دیا وہ یہ تھا کہ وہ ہر صبح ٹی ای ڈی بات چیت دیکھنے دیں۔

اور اس لئے ہم کوشش کرتے ہیں کہ اکثر اپنے بچوں کو تین غیر متعلقہ ٹی ای ڈی بات چیت دیکھنے دیں۔ اور اس نقطہ کو مربوط کرنے اور خانہ کے باہر سوچنے کا طریقہ سیکھنے کی خواہش کی اس بنیادی قدر کی طرف جاتا ہے۔ لہذا بچے قدرتی نمونہ شناس ہیں اور جب آپ انہیں غیر منسلک تین عنوانات یا تین ویڈیوز دیتے ہیں تو ، وہ اب بھی رابطے اور باہمی تعلق تلاش کرنے کی کوشش کرتے ہیں۔ اور اس طرح ہم انہیں تین مختلف ٹی ای ڈی بات چیت دیکھنے پر مجبور کریں گے۔ اور ٹی ای ڈی بات چیت اپنے طور پر حیرت انگیز ہے کیونکہ آپ کے پاس ایسے لوگ ہیں جو ان کے فیلڈ میں بہترین ہیں اور یہ ان کی پوری زندگی کا کام ہے اور وہ اس کا خلاصہ 16 منٹ میں کر رہے ہیں۔ لہذا آپ کو بہت ہی کم وقت میں ناقابل یقین معلومات مل رہی ہیں۔ اور ان کو غیر متعلقہ چیزیں دیکھنے کی امید کر رہے ہیں کہ وہ ایسے نمونوں کو دیکھنا شروع کردیں گے جہاں دوسرے لوگ نقطوں کو نہیں جوڑ رہے ہیں۔ تو چاہے وہ مشروم پر ٹی ای ڈی باتیں کر رہے ہوں اور ماحول اور کسی طرح کی ٹکنالوجی کے ساتھ کچھ کریں۔ اگر ان کا استعمال کسی طرح ، مطابقت کے ساتھ اور ایک عملی چیز سے ہو جو اس سے نکلا ہے تو ، آپ اس ہفتے میرے بیٹے کی پوڈ کاسٹ پرکرن میں اس کے بارے میں مزید سن سکتے ہیں لیکن اب ہمارے پاس ہے ، وہ ہمارے گھر میں اپنی کوٹھری میں اور دیگر اقسام کے کیڑے میں انتہائی کیڑے پیدا کررہا ہے۔ ہمارے باغ میں کیڑے اور لاروا اور مختلف مراحل۔ اور مجھے لگتا ہے کہ یہ شاید ٹی ای ڈی بات چیت سے بالواسطہ تعلق رکھتا تھا ، لیکن اس کا نظریہ تھا کہ ان کیڑے کا استعمال پلاسٹک کی کچھ اقسام کو توڑنے کے لئے کیا جاسکتا ہے جو قابل تجدید نہیں ہیں۔ اور وہ اس کی وضاحت مجھ سے کہیں زیادہ بہتر ہے ، لیکن یہ نقطوں کو مربوط کرنے کا خیال تھا جہاں دوسرے لوگ ضروری نہیں کہ وہ ایسا کریں۔ اور پھر تجربہ کرنے اور خطرات لینے پر راضی رہنا اور دیکھنا یہ حقیقت میں کام کرتا ہے یا نہیں۔

میں نے ذکر کیا کہ میں چاہتا تھا کہ اگر وہ فیصلہ کرتے ہیں تو وہ کالج جاسکیں۔ لہذا میں انہیں کالج جانے کا فیصلہ کرنے کی صورت میں جانچ کا کھیل سکھا رہا ہوں۔ اور واضح طور پر ، میں اسے ایک کھیل سمجھتا ہوں۔ میں واقعی میں ایک اچھا امتحان لینے والا تھا اور یہ بیشتر حصوں کے لئے زندگی کی بے حد مہارت ہے۔ لیکن کسی بھی چیز کی طرح ، سسٹم موجود ہیں اور آپ 80/20 ٹیسٹ بھی لے سکتے ہیں۔ اور اس طرح میرے بچے PSAT لے رہے ہیں اور وہ SAT اور ایکٹ لیں گے ، لیکن وہ جانتے ہیں کہ یہ ایک کھیل ہے اور میں انھیں یہ سکھا رہا ہوں کہ کھیل کو کس طرح شکست دی جائے۔ لیکن وہ اسے اپنی ذہانت یا زندگی میں بہتر کارکردگی دکھانے کی اہلیت کے معروضی نشان کے طور پر نہیں دیکھتے ہیں۔ وہ اسے ایک کھیل کے طور پر دیکھتے ہیں جس میں وہ شکست کھا سکتے ہیں اور میں واقعتا strongly سختی سے محسوس کرتا ہوں کہ یہی ہے۔ لہذا اگر وہ کالج جانا چاہتے ہیں تو ، وہ یہ کر سکیں گے۔ لیکن میں اس وقت تک واقعی کالج کی حوصلہ افزائی نہیں کروں گا جب تک کہ وہ کسی ایسی چیز میں مہارت حاصل نہیں کرنا چاہتے جس کی حقیقت میں اسے دوا کی طرح ضرورت ہو یا میرا اندازہ ہے کہ اکاؤنٹنگ میں ایک ایسی چیز ہوگی جس پر عمل کرنے کے قابل ڈگری اور لائسنس کی ضرورت ہوگی۔ اس نے کہا کہ اگر وہ بھی صرف معاشرتی پہلو کے لئے کالج جانا چاہتے ہیں اور وہ تسلیم کرتے ہیں کہ اسی وجہ سے وہ جانا چاہتے ہیں اور وہ اس کی قیمت ادا کرنے پر راضی ہیں۔ میں بھی اس کی مکمل حمایت کرتا ہوں۔ میں صرف ان کے خیال کے ساتھ نہیں جانا چاہتا تھا کہ میرے پاس کوئی دوسرا آپشن نہیں ہے یا یہ ان کے لئے کیریئر کا واحد راستہ ثابت ہوگا۔ ہم نصاب تعلیم کی تکمیل اور ہر بچے کے ساتھ انفرادی طور پر سلوک کرنے کی بہت کوشش کرتے ہیں کیونکہ ان میں سے صرف چھ بچوں کے ساتھ ہی ، وہ سب کچھ بہت مختلف انداز میں سیکھتے ہیں اور ان میں سے کچھ اپنے طور پر کمال کرتے ہیں۔ دوسروں کو ون آن ون مدد یا وضاحت کی ضرورت ہے۔ ان میں سے کچھ فن میں ناقابل یقین ہیں اور قدرتی طور پر انتہائی تخلیقی ہیں جبکہ ان میں سے ایک جوڑے بہت ہی تجزیاتی تھے اور ریاضی اور سائنس کو سمجھتے تھے ، لیکن فن ایک جدوجہد ہے۔ اور اس لئے انفرادی طور پر نصاب کو ان کی طاقت پر کھیلنے کے لئے پوری کرنے کی کوشش کرنا بلکہ ان کو چیلنج کرنا اور اپنی کمزوریوں پر ان کے آرام کے زون سے نکلنے کی ترغیب دینا۔

جب وہ بڑے ہوجاتے ہیں ، ہم واقعی ان کی حوصلہ افزائی اور ان کی مدد کرنا چاہتے ہیں چاہے ہم ان کی حوصلہ افزائی کریں ، امید ہے کہ ، وہ کوئی کاروبار شروع کریں یا روایتی کالج کے مقابلے میں کوئی تجارت سیکھنا چاہتے ہیں تو ، کسی نہ کسی طرح کا کاروبار شروع کریں۔ اور اس طرح اب ہم کتاب کے کاموں سے اسکول کو منتقل کرنے کے مرحلے میں اپنے بڑے افراد کے ساتھ ہیں جب انہوں نے بہت زیادہ کام کیا ہے کہ ان میں مرکزی صلاحیتوں کی 20 فیصد ضرورت ہے اور جو کچھ بھی ہو گا اس کی مشق کے لئے۔ ان ، چاہے وہ کوئی کاروبار شروع کررہے ہو ، وغیرہ۔ اور ایک ہفتہ جو اس ہفتے سامنے آیا تھا کہ میں اپنے سب سے قدیم سے پیار کرتا تھا اس کا ایک اور پوڈ کاسٹ پر بھی انٹرویو لیا گیا تھا۔ اور اس پوڈ کاسٹ سے آنے والے ایک سوال میں یہ تھا کہ جب آپ بڑے ہوجاتے ہو تو آپ کیا بننا چاہتے ہیں؟ اور ہم سے اس سے کبھی یہ سوال نہیں کیا گیا کیونکہ ہم ، ہم جان بوجھ کر اس سے پرہیز کرتے ہیں۔ ہم ان سے ایسے سوالات پوچھنے کی کوشش کرتے ہیں جیسے آپ کیا مسائل حل کریں گے؟ آپ کے بڑے ہونے پر آپ کس کی مدد کریں گے؟ جب آپ بڑے ہوجائیں گے تو آپ کیا مشکل سوالات کے جوابات دیں گے؟ لیکن ان کو اس ذہنیت کے بارے میں سوچنے کے لئے بنائیں کہ آپ روایتی طور پر صرف نوکری کا کیا کردار ادا کریں گے؟ کیونکہ ہم نہیں چاہتے ہیں کہ وہ ایسا محسوس کریں جیسے وہ اپنے کام سے متعین ہیں۔ اور اعدادوشمار کے مطابق ان کے پاس بہت سے کیریئر ہوں گے یا کم سے کم کئی۔ اور پوڈ کاسٹ پر اس سوال کا جواب دیتے ہوئے یہ کہتے ہوئے اسے سن کر واقعی حوصلہ افزائی ہوئی ، مجھے نہیں لگتا کہ پوچھنا صحیح سوال ہے۔ کیوں کسی کام سے ہماری تعریف کی جائے؟ کیوں نہ پوچھیں ، آپ جانتے ہیں ، ان میں سے کچھ سوالات ، آپ کون سے مسائل حل کریں گے یا آپ کس کی مدد کریں گے؟ اور اس طرح ہم نے ان سوالوں کے روزانہ ورژن طلب کرکے ان کی حوصلہ افزائی کی ، یہاں تک کہ ان کے ساتھ چھوٹی بات چیت میں بھی۔ جیسے اگر ہمارے بجائے بہن بھائیوں اور اداکاری اور قانون کے مابین کوئی اختلاف رائے ہو تو ، ہم ان سوالوں سے شروعات کریں گے کہ آپ اس مسئلے کو کیسے حل کرسکتے ہیں؟ آپ ایسا جواب کیسے پاسکتے ہیں جو باہمی موافق ہو تاکہ ہمیں آگے بڑھنے کی ضرورت نہ پڑے ، وقت ختم ہونے کی ضرورت نہیں ہے یا ہمیں اس صورتحال کو کم کرنے کی ضرورت نہیں ہے۔ ہم ان سے بھی روزانہ جیسے سوال پوچھتے ہیں ، آج آپ نے کون سے سخت سوالات پوچھے ہیں؟ آج آپ کیا ناکام ہوئے؟ اور آپ نے اس سے کیا سیکھا؟ آج کے لئے آپ کس شکرگزار ہیں؟ اور والدین میں سے کچھ بہترین لمحات اور اسباق صرف ان کے ساتھ ہونے والی چھوٹی بات چیت سے ہی نکلے ہیں جو اس سے گہری گفتگو کا باعث بنیں گے جس کی مدد سے آپ کبھی بھی آسانی سے آسان نہیں ہوسکتے ہیں۔

میں نے اس سے پہلے یہ بھی ذکر کیا ہے کہ ہمارے بچوں کے ساتھ معاہدہ ہے کہ ان کے پاس کار یا اپنا فون رکھنے سے پہلے ان کا ایک سال تک منافع بخش کاروبار کرنا پڑتا ہے۔ اس کا مطلب یہ نہیں ہے کہ اس کو ایک بے حد منافع بخش کاروبار بننا پڑتا ہے ، لیکن یہ ایک ایسا کاروبار ہونا چاہئے جس میں وہ چلاتے ہیں جو ایک سال کے عرصے میں منافع کو ظاہر کرتا ہے۔ اور ہم ان کی مدد کر رہے ہیں۔ ہم نے اس طرح کا ایک کاروبار انکیوبیٹر بنایا ہے جہاں ہم انہیں واضح طور پر دنیا میں نہیں پھینک رہے ہیں اور انہیں کاروبار شروع کرنے کے لئے کہہ رہے ہیں۔ ہم ان کی مدد کر رہے ہیں کیوں کہ ہمارے لئے کاروباری سرگرمی ایک اہم اہم ہنر ہے اور اس طرح ہمارے بوڑھے اپنے روایتی اسکول کی تعلیم مکمل کرنے کے ساتھ ہی اس کے مراحل کا آغاز کررہے ہیں۔ اور یہی وجہ ہے کہ ہمارے پاس اپنے کوٹھریوں میں کیڑے جیسی چیزیں پائی جاتی ہیں جہاں وہ بڑھ رہا ہے کہ اس نے باورچی کتاب بھی لکھی ہے اور اس نے پوڈ کاسٹ شروع کیا ہے۔ ہمارا قدیم ترین ہے اور ان سب میں نفع بخش ہونے کی صلاحیت ہے اور ہم دیکھیں گے کہ اس کا فائدہ کیسے نکلا ہے۔ وہ ڈرائیور کا اجازت نامہ حاصل کرنے کے قابل ہونے سے ڈیڑھ سال کا ہے۔ تو مجھے لگتا ہے کہ وہ حوصلہ افزائی کرتا ہے اور ہم دیکھیں گے کہ کون سا منافع بخش کاروبار ہوتا ہے۔ لیکن اس کے ساتھ ہماری استدلال یہ ہے کہ ، ہم چاہتے ہیں کہ ان میں سے کچھ مہارتیں ان کے ساتھ جوانی میں پڑ جائیں ، تاکہ کاروبار کو چلانے کا طریقہ سیکھنے میں آسانی سے ہاتھوں میں تعلیم دی جاسکے کیونکہ آپ معاشی پہلو سیکھ رہے ہیں ، جس میں بہت ساری چیزیں ہیں۔ فنانس کا انتظام کرنے کا طریقہ کے بارے میں واضح خیال کے بغیر بچے بالغ ہو جاتے ہیں۔ نیز یہ خیال کہ یہ محض محصول کے بارے میں نہیں ہے بلکہ منافع اور مالی معاملات کی تفہیم ، قرض کیسے چلتا ہے اور کب اچھا ہے اور کب برا ہے ، یہ سمجھنا ، بلکہ مستقل مزاجی جیسی دن کی مہارتوں کو بھی ظاہر کرنا ہے جب یہ مشکل ہے اور کام کررہا ہے۔ پریشانیوں اور مشکلات سے دوچار ہونے کی وجہ سے کیونکہ مجھے لگتا ہے کہ بہت سارے بچے ، کم از کم میرے لئے ، میں نے کالج میں داخلے لینے کا خطرہ مول لیا ، کیوں کہ میں اسکول کے ماڈل میں اچھtenا ہوگیا تھا اور کاروباری سرگرمی میرے لئے ایک بہت بڑی چھلانگ تھی۔ جب میں گیا تو یہ باہر ہے۔ اور اس ل I میں ان سب کو اپنے ٹول کٹ میں دینا چاہتا تھا اگر انہوں نے ایسا کرنے کا فیصلہ کیا۔

مجھے جیمی سے بھی ایک سوال ملا۔ کیا والدین / گھروں کی تعلیم کے لئے ایسی کوئی کتابیں یا نقطہ نظر موجود ہیں جو خاص طور پر تین سال اور اس سے زیادہ عمر کے بچوں کے لئے آپ کے لئے مددگار ثابت ہوں؟ اور آپ اپنے والدین کے طرز عمل کو کس طرح بیان کریں گے؟ مجھے لگتا ہے کہ ہمارے والدین کے طرز عمل میں شاید ان چیزوں کے ساتھ بہت زیادہ کاروبار ہوا ہے جو میں نے ابھی ہوم اسکولنگ کے لئے بیان کیے ہیں۔ میں والدین سے متعلق مثبت حل پسند کرتا ہوں۔ میں نے حال ہی میں اس کا انٹرویو لیا تھا اور یہ ایک بہت اچھا ہے۔ میں شو کے نوٹوں میں wellnessmama.fm پر لنک کروں گا۔ میں بھی سیکھنے والے فریق سے گھریلو اسکول میں پیچھے رہنا پسند کرتا ہوں۔ مجھے تیزی سے سیکھنے اور تخلیقی صلاحیتوں کو برقرار رکھنے سے متعلق جم کویک کی معلومات پسند ہیں۔ وہ واقعتا ایک اچھا وسیلہ ہے۔ لیکن جہاں تک وہ کتابیں جنہوں نے والدین کی مدد کی ہے میں نے پایا کہ اکثر ایسی کتابیں جنہوں نے مجھے گھریلو اسکولنگ اور والدین کی تعلیم کے لئے سب سے زیادہ کارآمد مددگار معلومات فراہم کیں۔ میں ان سے والدین کے اسباق حاصل کرنے کے قابل تھا ، لیکن وہ کم از کم والدین کی کتابیں تیار کرنے کے لئے تیار نہیں تھے۔ جب کہ والدین کی کچھ کتابیں ، اکثر صرف اصول یا سسٹم ہی تھیں جن کے بارے میں آپ کو براہ راست عمل کرنا چاہئے ، اس کے برعکس آپ ہر فرد کے ساتھ کس طرح کاشت کرتے ہیں ، ان چیزوں کی جن کی ہم نے بات کی ہے۔ لہذا ، میں ان تمام کتابوں کو شو کے نوٹ میں لنک کروں گا۔ یہ ان میں سے کچھ ہیں جو مجھے مددگار ثابت ہوئے ہیں۔ میرے پاس کچھ انٹروورٹس ہیں۔ ٹھیک ہے میرے ایک بچے۔ اور وہاں واقعی ایک زبردست ٹسٹ ہے جس کا نام فیشینیٹ ٹیسٹ ہے جس کا سیلی ہگس ہیڈ ہے اور اس میں آپ کی نوعیت کی بنیاد ہے۔ اور میرا ایک اسرار ہے کہ اس طرح کی نوعیت کی نوعیت زیادہ خودمختار نوعیت کی ہے۔ اور میرے سارے بچوں کو وہ مجھ سے مل گیا۔ تو میرے پاس بہت ساری انٹروورٹس ہیں اور مجھے واقعی میں “خاموش طاقت کی کتاب” نامی کتاب پسند ہے ، مجھے یقین ہے کہ یہ “ایسی دنیا میں انٹروورٹس کی طاقت ہے جو بات کرنا بند نہیں کرے گی” یا اس خطوط پر کچھ بھی ہے۔ میں اسے شو کے نوٹ میں لنک کروں گا۔ یہ میرے لئے واقعی مددگار تھا اور یہ سیکھنے میں کہ میرے متعارف بچوں کو ان کے بغیر بند کیے جانے اور ان کے کھلنے کے ل when کس طرح ان کی ضرورت ہوتی ہے جب ان کی ضرورت ہوتی ہے اور صرف ان کے ساتھ انتہائی موثر انداز میں بات چیت ہوتی ہے۔ تاکہ ، اور ، اور متعصب دوستوں کے لئے بھی ، اور یہ صرف اپنے لئے بھی مددگار تھا۔

برین براؤن کے ذریعہ “ڈیرٹ ٹو لیڈ” مددگار تھا ، والدین کے نقطہ نظر سے واقعتا helpful مددگار تھا ، اس کا مطلب قیادت کی کتاب بننا ہے لیکن مجھے لگتا ہے کہ والدین گھر کے اندر رہبر ہیں۔ اور اس نے مجھے واقعتا ref یہ عیاں کرنے میں مدد کی کہ میں اپنے بچوں سے کس طرح بات کر رہا ہوں اور اس مواصلات کو اس طرح فروغ دے رہا ہوں کہ اس سے خطرہ پیدا ہو اور ان سے مجھ سے بات کرنے کا موقع ملے۔ اور یہ وہ چیز ہے جس کی عمر بڑھتے ہی بڑھتی جارہی ہے۔ اور جیسا کہ مجھے معلوم ہوتا ہے کہ نوعمروں کی پہلی نظر میں اتنا ہی باتیں نہیں ہوتی جتنی چار سال کی ہو گی۔ لہذا آپ کو اس رشتے کو واقعتاurt پروان چڑھانے اور اسے مستحکم رکھنے کے لئے طریقے تلاش کرنا ہوں گے۔

مجھے پیٹرک لینسیونی کی “ٹیم کے پانچ ڈسفانکشنز” بھی پسند ہیں ، یقینا a ایک بزنس کتاب جس میں بزنس ٹیموں کے بارے میں بات کی جاسکتی ہے ، لیکن ایک بار پھر ، فیملی ٹیموں میں شامل ہونا ہے۔ اور یہ میرے لئے صرف انتظامیہ اور خاندان کے ساتھ باہمی پہلو میں مددگار تھا۔ والدین کے دائرے میں ایک بات جو مجھے زیادہ پسند آئی وہ تھی “فری رینج کڈز” اور میں نے لکھا ہے اس سے پہلے کہ میں اس طرح والدین سے متعلق ہمارے طرز عمل سے متعلق اپنے نوٹس کو لنک کروں اور اپنے بچوں کو بہت زیادہ اندر نہیں رکھنا چاہتا ہوں۔ ، ان کے باہر رہنا ، خطرات مول لینے کے قابل ہونا ، باہر کھیلنا چاہتے ہیں۔

And another one along that in that vein would be “The Happiest Kids in the World: How Dutch Parents Help Their Kids (and Themselves) by Doing Less.” So those are the two probably parenting specific ones that I found personally helpful. From the learning one, there’s one called “Moonwalking with Einstein,” which I found really fascinating, just in developing our homeschool approach and also in trying to maintain that inherent curiosity in my kids. Simon Sinek “Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action.” Again, kind of thinking of parents as the leadership role in the house rather than a dictatorship role. I tried to think of that as instead of forcing my kids to take action, because in business, I don’t force my team to do anything. We all work together toward a common goal and everybody kind of knows what their roles are, but I don’t just yell at them and nag them and force them to do things. And so how could I inspire that same thing in my household? So some of these leadership books were really helpful in that method of how do I get my kids to want to be part of this team and to want to take action.

There’s also one called “Anything You Want: 40 Lessons for a New Kind of Entrepreneur.” Again, it’s an entrepreneurial book, but lots of crossover into leadership and parenting as well. Another parenting specific one is “No Drama Discipline.” I didn’t like everything about that book but I was able to pull some helpful tips from that one. And there’s a new one, “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” and the “Conscious Parent.” Those were some that I have been able to pull some tips from.

I don’t agree with everything in any of those, but there’s some really helpful stuff in there. And then one of course I’ve mentioned many times before is “The Four Hour Workweek.” That’s where I first heard about 80/20. I followed Tim Ferriss for a long time and that book helps me in business. That also helped in just learning to think in that way of being efficient and effective and it applies to a lot within the home as well. So separate of all of those things, that was more the homeschooling and parenting side. I think something else is really important to our approach is that we prioritize things that help brain development through movement. And I’ve had Carol Garner Houston on this podcast. We can link to those as well in the show notes. But she talks about how basically today’s kids, a lot of times, are not doing enough of certain kinds of movements to fully develop their vestibular and their limbic systems and this can have crossover effects into school and make things harder for them.

And so we try to do things that or like encourage them to do things that how are movement based and that fully developed their limbic and vestibular systems. So things like pole vaulting, gymnastics, music, art, gardening, lots and lots of time outside playing, climbing trees, running, slackline, jumping, helping with projects around the house. So they’re learning how to use tools, which are an extension of the brain in various ways. And then we’ve set up a Ninja course in our backyard so they can do all of the running, jumping, climbing, hanging things that help with that aspect of kid development.

And then lastly, I also think one thing we probably do differently than a lot of parents may be, certainly in a lot of school, we don’t do the whole follow your passion or do what makes you happy or like I said, we don’t do a whole, what do you want to be when you grow up? With them, we try to focus on, even right now at your current age, what can you master that improves the world in some way? What can you right now become the top 1% in the world at and then build skills like that. So kind of teaching them the idea of mastery, which is a much more, I feel like effective goal than just getting through a school year or checking a box. And the idea of being in business as well. If they can keep that rapid learning ability whatever they decide to do in the future, they’ll have the tools to learn it and to execute and to hopefully master.

And then to circle back to Melinda’s question about why we decided to homeschool and create that learning culture at home. I explained this a little bit, but I just, I felt like a lot of things about our current educational, system would not accomplish those core objectives with our kids and it wouldn’t get them to adulthood with those core skills intact. And of course there are outliers and exceptions. I know there are many great schools, many great things about many curriculums that I’m not trying to downplay that at all, but for our family, we realized that we could create a stronger culture of learning at home. We were willing to kind of innovate from the ground up and do a lot of the things that we’re trying to teach them. And in some ways it’s also made things easier because it solved for a lot of variables in schools that we don’t have to kind of worry about whether it be school lunches not being as nutritionally optimal as many parents would like or the constant EMF exposure or waking up too early when there’s a lot of data saying teenagers should sleep in and that like, we really need to prioritize sleep for the proper development of a teenage brain.

So lots of reasons we went into that. Happy to talk about that more. If anybody wants to hear more in depth on that, you can leave questions in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm or always ping me on Instagram and I can do some follow-ups. A little bit related. SJ asked, “What are your food rules now with having teens?” And I love this question because it has changed for me a little bit over the years. I’ve written before about our basic food rules in general that they never have to eat if they’re not truly hungry. But there’s no complaining about food. We don’t use vegetables as a bribe for other things. When they’re little we try to encourage them to just try one bite of all of the different foods that are available and just see if they like it without the commitment of facing a whole plate of it.

And we focus on nutrients, not macros. We gear our food toward our genes. So I run all of our genes as a family and I cook for the family in a way that is supportive of all of our genetic factors. And then add in like some of our kids do better with more carbs, so I’ll add in rice or potatoes for them. And then we try to often eat together whenever possible. And then lastly, food is not a reward or punishment. It’s a fuel. So they don’t get bribed to eat something by eating something that’s “healthy.” And we’ve tried to just focus on family dinner. I often cook, although now the older ones are cooking more and more but the idea being my responsibility as their mom is to make sure that there’s nutrient dense food available for them when they’re hungry and their responsibility is to decide if they are hungry or not and if they’re gonna eat that food or not.

So I don’t force them to eat if they are not hungry or often that means if they’re being picky, they don’t have to eat, but they don’t get a separate meal just because they don’t like a certain food. So there’s no peanut butter and jelly sandwich because you don’t like what was cooked, but you’re welcome to wait until the next meal. We kind of joke that picky has another name in our house and it’s called fasting. But with teenagers there is the acknowledgement they do need more fuel, especially protein, especially things like greens to bind to excess hormones as they go through puberty and healthy fats to support all of the aspects of hormone and brain development that are happening because after the early infant and toddler years, the teenage years, it’s an intense phase of growth for them. So I did want to make sure we were being really cognizant of supporting them nutritionally.

So in those meals that we cook at home, I had lots of olive oil to their diets for the good fats. I work in greens whenever possible. They take a few key supplements that really seem to help. So I can link to these in the show notes. They take Just Thrive probiotics and K2-7. And then depending on their specific genes, they take a couple other things as well. I found with teenagers and pre-teens that very often, when grumpy, add food, so they do, especially when they’re working out, they do eat more often. We don’t typically do a lot of snacking between meals, but with them in these ages, I have been doing that a lot more. So I’ll always just keep like supplies of vegetables or healthy proteins, beef sticks. There’s a list of foods they know they can always eat that are pretty much protein and vegetable based.

And so if they’re truly hungry, they can always get those foods without having to come ask. I also think it’s important to remember with teens, that the goal of the teenage years is for teenagers to become independent and very soon they will have to make their own food choices. So I don’t ever want to demonize a food or make it a forbidden thing that they want more of because they can’t have it. I try to keep in mind that you certainly cannot control teenagers. It doesn’t work for two year olds and it certainly doesn’t work on teenagers. And so rather than trying to dictate food choices I try to approach that from a perspective of respecting their autonomy and giving them the tools to make good decisions, but not forcing what those decisions are. So I love to get them more involved in cooking at this age.

I mentioned that my oldest just wrote a cookbook with his friends and he is able to cook entire meals from scratch and he does this relatively often. In fact about once a week he has a lot of our neighborhood kids over. I think the most I’ve seen in my house was about 25 all working together to cook something from scratch. So he’s kind of actually teaching the younger ones as well, but he’s completely capable of cooking a meal from scratch and they do get more leeway if he wants to cook something on his own from scratch. Of course he gets to pick what it is and he gets more choice there. But I think at any age when you get kids involved in cooking, they have a vested interest in wanting to eat the food. And they’re also just more likely to, without complaining. For younger ones, I recommend the “Kids Cook Real Food” course from Kitchen Stewardship and I can link that in the show notes as well, but it’s a really good primer on all of the essential kitchen skills they need to eventually be able to cook entire meals. And then his cookbook as well is geared toward children so they can learn to cook by making recipes that they will love and get those kitchen skills as well. Just a few other core things. We almost always eat clean at home. So kind of in line with the 80/20 rule. I look at, we eat at home much more than 80% of the time actually. When we’re at home and I only have clean food available and then I don’t stress as much if we’re not at home. I educate when they ask and I, I also educate gently when it can be worked in without me trying to dictate their food choices.

But then beyond that, especially with teenagers, I don’t stress when they’re not home. So my kids can go to friend’s house and they might very well eat sugar and food dyes and gluten and all of those things. And I don’t, I try to control that when they’re not at my house because again, they’re going to be making all of their food decisions very quickly and they now having eaten the way we eat for their whole lives, they notice they don’t feel as well when they eat certain things and they almost always still make good food choices when they’re not home and when they don’t truly eating a few cupcakes or chips or whatever it may be, is not going to ruin them when they’re eating nutrient dense at home.

This podcast is sponsored by Jigsaw Health, my source for magnesium. You probably know, if you’ve read my blog, that magnesium is responsible for over 300 biochemical reactions in the body. It impacts blood pressure, metabolism, immune function, and many other aspects of health, including hormones. It’s known as the master mineral and it’s one of the few supplements I take regularly. And I have found a specific way to take it that works best for me in very specific forms because if magnesium is taken in the wrong way it can lead to digestive upset or if it’s taken too quickly it can cause all kinds of problems. So, I take two supplements. One called MagSRT which is a slow release form of the dimagnesium malate. The slow release technology makes it easier on the digestive system. So I don’t get any of the digestive disturbance that comes with some forms of magnesium. I take this form in the morning and at lunch. So, two capsules with breakfast, two capsules with lunch. And at night, I take a different product MagSoothe, which is magnesium glycinate which is magnesium bound with the amino acid glycine to help sleep. And in combination, I noticed the biggest effect from those two particular products. You can check them both out and save by going to jigsawhealth.com/wellnessmama. And the code wellness10 will give you $10 off any order.

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A few other just teen related things. You asked about food rules, but a couple of things that I’m shifting in, just having teenagers is, like I said, the key objective for now as teenagers is them learning to be kind and self-sufficient and then to integrate as an adult soon.

So focus on those things versus control and rules. I know as a teenager I definitely did not enjoy rules and tended to push back on things. So I’m trying very hard to foster an environment where my kids don’t feel like they need to push back and they feel like they’re being listened to and understood. And again, check out the podcast with my son if you want to hear his take because this of course is me talking, but if you want to hear his honest feedback on that and it’s fun cause he actually questions me a couple of times in the podcast as well, but go listen to that one. One tip I got from the positive parenting solutions course that I mentioned is to use the phrase “convince me.”

So when they want to do something as teenagers that I feel is slightly beyond their ability level, instead of just saying no, I list my objections and then say, okay, now convince me. If you can come to me with a plan that addresses these objections and shows me that you can handle this in a responsible way, then I will listen with an open mind and I will consider it. So things like that, trying to make sure that they feel and actually realistically do have autonomy in any area that I can give it to them. Of course, actually listening to them versus just say no and enforcing rules right away, I think as a teenager, from what I remember, I desperately wanted to feel understood and heard. So trying to do everything I can to sure that my kids know, even in the times when I do have to say no, I’m listening and I understand and there are reasons why they can’t do this particular thing, but they can always come to me and I will always listen.

And as they get older, that’s making time for unstructured conversation. I’ve gotten advice from several parents of older kids that some of the best places for that are in the car because they don’t have to look right at you. So trying to take a kid with me on errands or just have time in the car. So if they want to talk about something, it’s a less stressful way or whether it be on a walk or just, I try to take different kids out for coffee once in a while, giving time where they can bring stuff up that they want, but there is no pressure. And then defaulting to letting them make decisions whenever possible. Encouraging them to have healthy friendships and supporting that. I feel like a lot of teenagers push back because friendships are important but psychologically that whole building into autonomy and developing social circles that does depend on friendships in the teenage years.

So rather than trying to fight them on having friends, encouraging them to have healthy friendships and to be the one, the place where they can all, they can always bring their friends over, they can always hang out. I’ll always feed anybody in my house. But that way they don’t feel like they have it a lack there or that they need to sneak out or hide things for them to have friends. And then also as teenagers, I’m finding it’s really important for them to have a sense of purpose, of some kind of work that that actually contributes both to the family and like with starting the business financially because it’s like a goal and something they feel like they’re accomplishing and also an activity they love that is an outlet.

So my kids all do pole vaulting and I’ve recently, I started doing this as well.
They are definitively all much better than I am, which is great. But it’s been amazing to watch my daughters, especially because I remember being 12 and being kind of uncomfortable in my body. And especially as things started changing, I was very focused on how my body looks so different all of a sudden and how weird that was. And I see my daughters and to them, their bodies are these incredible tools and machines that they can use to do these really cool activities they want to do. So, of course they’re not grown yet, but I’m hopeful that having those activities and having the focus on that will give them a different perspective as they go through puberty and through the teenage years.

She also asked, “What would you do differently in your parenting?” I’m not a big fan of just sitting and wishing the past could be different but I do think we can always of course learn from the past. I think I would have been less dogmatic and more spontaneous and creative early on when they were really young. As I was trying to figure it all out, I was like following parenting rules or trying to figure out how do you get a two year old to do what you want. And I think it would have made more time for spontaneity and just creative activities when they were little. Also, I know it gets said all the time, but savor the small moments because it goes by so, so, so fast. Everyday I’m reminded of that. Just I look at my oldest and remember him as a baby. What feels like yesterday and it’s just, it’s crazy to have watched it go by so fast.

And then lastly, one that I’ve learned over time, I wish I could just go gift to myself as an early mom would be to put systems in place much earlier that take the mental stress out so that my kids could have had a calmer mom earlier. I’ve talked about this some, and I’m actually writing a whole book that kind of walks through this process in your life. But it’s not, I don’t think, all the things we have to do that often stresses us out. It’s the mental, and emotional responsibility of balancing those things. And so I discovered when I applied some of the same principles that work in business to home life, just like I did with some of those parenting books, it took away the mental stress and I was able to actually get more done so I wasn’t having to do any less but get more done, but without the stress. So those would be some of my top tips. But yeah, enjoy the small moments would be the top one.

From Sarah, she said, “How do you stay motivated to stay away from sugar or chocolate? I know so much about what’s good for me, but I can’t seem to stick to it. I don’t touch fast food. Rather, I struggle with so-called healthier food and other processed junk that appears to be healthy but really isn’t.” I think there’s a few tips here. First, I will say as a confession, I don’t fully stay away from sugar or chocolate. I don’t typically eat refined sugar, but I do sometimes eat chocolate. I do sometimes eat dessert. In fact, in the last couple of years with all of my shifts, I even sometimes eat gluten and I sometimes do eat processed food. I’m not a hundred percent off of everything.

And I think long-term the goal is actually to have that balance because it’s very hard to have a complete all or nothing policy. But I don’t think you start there. So I think the first part is realizing that your body is trying to tell you something. So if it’s sugar, if it’s craving certain things, look at any potential deficiencies, look at gut health. Those were both big keys for me as well as hormone health. And so I have to start there. You will have a very difficult time resisting if your body needs something for a particular reason. If there’s a deficiency or a gut issue, it’s very difficult to fight your physiology when it’s something that’s that core and that internal. So realize your body’s trying to tell you something and start trying to test for what those things might be. I also had to shift my mindset away from avoiding certain things to consuming enough of the good things.

So making the mindset shift of from the negative and the deficiency to the positive. So I didn’t wake up thinking, okay, I’m not gonna eat any junk food today. I woke up thinking, how am I going to consume all the good things my body needs today? And that alone shifted the focus because I didn’t feel like I was being deprived. So I didn’t crave those things as much that I would have wanted anyway. And it gave me metrics to make sure I was getting enough protein, make sure I was getting enough greens, the things that I knew that would support my hormones and my gut health. And it also made me much less hungry for those other things. And there’s some key tips, like if you get enough protein early in the day, you typically have fewer cravings at night. If you get enough leafy greens, which bind to extra estrogen in the body and give you magnesium, you typically crave less sugar.

But those are slow shifts. So making those baby steps over time your body will start to naturally start to crave more of the good things.

I think meal planning is also really key when it comes to this. I meal plan, I have to, with our family, I use a tool called “Real Plans,” which I’ll link to in the show notes. It’s an amazing tool that lets you plan based on what you already have in your house or based on food preferences or allergies and whatever nutritional criteria you have. So I use that and then I prepare food in advance as much as possible once a week so that I already have the healthy food ready to go. Which takes the decision-fatigue out of it and also takes the stress out of it.

When I was really trying to work through cravings, I found it helpful to write out ahead of time, like the day before what I was going to eat the next day to make sure I did get all those good things in. So I would write down, you know, breakfast and what it was going to be including however many ounces of vegetable, however many ounces of protein. Same with lunch, same with dinner. And that way I already had a plan so it wasn’t like, okay, it’s lunchtime. I could eat something healthy, but really I’d rather just eat this. I already knew that I had that ahead of time. For me also protein was a big key. There’s something called the therapeutic effect of food and protein requires a lot of energy to break down. That also is really essential for a lot of reactions in the body. And for me when I was craving things, I was not getting enough protein and I had to make a conscious effort to track and then start eating enough protein and that really reduced my cravings because my body was needing certain things and I think it really only knew like it needed magnesium and only knew to crave chocolate. And so I had to kind of retrain that effect by getting enough of the actual building blocks it needed. And so that kind of went along with that mindset of hitting the good macros versus restricting. It wasn’t avoiding calories or avoiding carbs, it was getting enough protein, getting enough greens, getting enough healthy fats, which for me is olive oil. Also for me, fasting helped. And a caveat here, I don’t think this applies to everyone. I don’t think anyone with certain hormone problems should try it at all. But for me, doing several longer fasts and then doing regular circadian fast where I didn’t eat after dark at all, really helped reset my hunger hormones. I don’t think that that will work the same for everyone. But it was really helpful for me.

And then on the deficiency side, I personally needed more zinc and selenium, choline and certain B vitamins and that really helped my cravings as well. And I really recommend Dr. Chris Masterjohn and his “Vitamins and Minerals 101.” He has a book and a course that helps you figure out based on symptoms and experimentation what you specifically need. And he does have a whole testing protocol as well if you want to go down that road. I will link to those in the show notes. One of the most in depth and helpful resources I’ve ever found for that. And unusual one that also helped it is getting sunlight every morning. So as soon as possible after waking up, going outside and getting natural sunlight that helped retrain my ghrelin and leptin and hunger hormones, I think and balance out my other hormones. And I find I have less hunger and less cravings when I do that and when I get some kind of movement every day.

And then lastly, I will say the trauma aspect was also a huge key for me. I don’t know if this is the case for you. I hope it’s not, I hope it’s not the case for most of you, but you can listen to episode 309 of this podcast and that explains that whole side of my transition and my transformation. But what I found part of that was that basically my subconscious was holding onto weight for safety. There was a reason for that and I couldn’t fight my subconscious because it thought it was protecting me. And so it wasn’t until I actually addressed the trauma that I could let go of that subconscious and I had to deal with that first. And what, ironically for me that meant once I fixed that I’m now actually eating more food. I need more calories and I have lost a lot of weight by doing that and I don’t crave the bad stuff anymore.

From Sandra “I asked my doctor a year ago to test my magnesium levels and per the results she says it’s fine, but does a standard blood test provide the best results?” and from Ivalice, I hope I’m saying that right. “I Would love to hear your opinion and thoughts on magnesium supplements. I am low, no matter how much magnesium rich food I eat. So I’m forced to supplement. I suffer from migraines, anxiety, and insomnia, which is enhanced by low magnesium. My struggle is that with all the different types out there, I’m noticing they have different effects on my body and I don’t know which one is best or safest. Oxate was great for the migraines, but wrecked my gut. Trying glyconate now, but not sure it’s helping with the migraines. What are your thoughts?” Okay, so several thoughts on magnesium.

I had to work up slowly because a lot of magnesium caused issues for me and even the ones that didn’t mess up my digestion, they caused my skin to itch because of some histamine issues I had. But to address the blood test question, normally only about 1% of the total magnesium in the body is present in the blood. And this makes it difficult to get an accurate measurement of total magnesium from the blood test alone. However, this test can still be useful to some degree. Again, this is an area where I would recommend Dr. Chris Masterjohn’s work. He actually has a lot of this on this Instagram that you can find. Dr. Chris Masterjohn, but his Vitamins and Minerals 101 is super, super helpful and he has, on his Facebook page, if you go to that and sign up for his messenger, he has an amazing free messenger course that goes through all of the vitamins and minerals and let’s you figure out how to figure out which ones you specifically need.

So I would start there for figuring it out. And here’s why magnesium is so important. Magnesium is responsible for over 300 reactions to the body and it impacts things like blood pressure, metabolism, immune function, and as, as she mentioned, anxiety, migraines, etc. Some experts say that magnesium deficiency is actually one of the single largest problems in our world today. And there are many reasons potentially that magnesium deficiency is so widespread from depleted soil, overuse of chemicals like chlorine and fluoride. And then some common things that we all do daily can deplete magnesium, like sugar, caffeine, stress, you know, if any of those things sound like they might be things in your life. But there’s also any people with celiac or Crohn’s disease are more likely to be deficient. People who consume a lot of processed foods or conventional dairy who are on city water, who have type two diabetes who don’t eat a lot of leafy greens.

So lots of factors that can come into play. I personally take a supplement called MagSRT daily and I also use topical magnesium. I can link to both of those in the show notes, but I started really slowly and worked up and I feel like you can take a, kind of a symptoms based approach to magnesium levels if you’re paying attention to your body, which is kind of what I did, but also do check out Chris Masterjohn’s work. Regarding the question about taking magnesium and still having low levels. I personally also look at gut issues again and absorption because even though you’re taking it, if the body is not absorbing it for some reason, perhaps a gut issue that could be why you’re not seeing the effect. I personally found that probiotics, made a big difference for me in magnesium absorption.

I take the Just Thrive brand and I’ll put a discount code for that in the show notes as well if you guys want to check it out. And K2-7 and vitamin D, which seemed to be synergistic. So those were all factors that I had to optimize to get magnesium to feel efficient to me.

So all that to say I answered. I think, all of those questions for today, there are many more. So there will definitely be more Q and A rounds and if you have questions you would like me to answer in future podcast episodes, please leave those in the show notes or DM me on Instagram or reach out with those and I will add them to the list. Still many more things I look forward to covering in future episodes. I hope this one was helpful and I would love to hear your take on any of these things as well. So if you homeschool, I’d love to hear any tips that you have, any parenting tips, especially for older teens because I’m not there yet. Or any other health related tips that you have. Always feel free to share those. I love to hear from you guys and as always, I’m so grateful to you for spending your time with me today. I’m so, so glad that you did. It’s always an honor to spend this time with you and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the Wellness Mama podcast.

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

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