Baby: Welcome to my mom’s podcast.
This episode was developed by Splitx with Foltex, My go-to source for all types of athletic wear. Fibliotics produces clothing that is designed to stimulate physical activity in any type of setting. Furthermore, Phlebotics always aims to create fashionable, on-trend workout clothing at an extraordinary price point. Their motto is’ Living Every Day. Passion. ” And Fabitics is your ‘one stop shop’ for affordable athletic wear. They have yoga, running, gym gear, sports bras, shoes, accessories and more. Actually, I just wore leggings and a jacket with them while I was recording it. Here’s how it works … After taking a super quick, 60 second style quiz, you’ll get a personalized showroom for individual pieces tailored to your own unique style. It can figure out which styles are best for you and with just a few clicks, FlibtX is doing all the homework for you. Right now, you also get 2 leggings for just $ 24 ($ 99 value) as a VIP fee for latex / valensma. I personally love high waist power hold leggings (and are currently wearing) and they have some beautiful cut-out and design patterns that I am loving. It is less than half the cost of sports bras in some other brands, and so on. Plus, here’s a pro Nokia – make sure you enter your email address at the end of the quiz, as you will not receive monthly discounts and new collections that have not yet been released. ۔ You will always get all orders $ 49 or more free shipping! International shipping available. Best of all, there is no commitment to monthly purchases. All designs are done from house to house so you won’t find these pieces anywhere else, and you will get the cheapest price that most stores and 45 days workout guarantee – sweat it for 45 days and if not. If it does, please return it for a full refund! Again, check everything out and find your labeling on Affiliates / Valencia
This podcast is sponsored by Reddit. If you are exactly like me, working for years, nurturing children and all the demands of parents can always cause stiffness and pain in your neck and shoulders. Or a sore throat due to too much sitting or multiple pregnancies. I found a great way to relieve my aches and pains and improve my fitness and flexibility. This is from someone I highly respect, Dr. Kelly Street in Ready State. If you don’t know Kelly you should. He is a dynamic and inspirational coach for Olympic gold medalists, world champions, and supporters. She is the author of two New York Times bestselling books, including “Bapping of Supply Leopard,” in which more than half a million copies have been sold. It has more than 150,000 hours of experienced training athletes at the highest levels. A physical therapy doctor who helps top companies, military organizations, and universities improve the well-being and flexibility of their team members. He created a program called Virtual Mobility Coach. This program is easy to do every day from home, which is ideal for me and most moms. And I can do that with my children too. Every day, the Virtual Mobility Coach gives you fresh, guided video exercises. They prove to you that you can take care of your body, relieve pain and improve flexibility. And you can customize your videos in three ways. If you have trouble, you can take a picture of the human body and click on what hurts. And from there, Virtual Mobility Coach will give you a custom pain prescription to help you find relief. Second, you can find a library of casual maintenance routines in the Daily Maintenance section. They are a great way to relax and take care of your home from the comfort of your home. And third, for players, the Virtual Mobility Coach also includes pre-workout and post-exercise routines for more than four dozen sports and activities. They help warm you up before your exercise so you can do your best to minimize the risk of injury. Right now, you can try Virtual Mobility Coach completely for two weeks without paying for it. And after that, you can get 50% off in your first three months. Just get there. Use the WELLNESSMAMA code at Weldsmama and Checkout. When you sign up for a monthly plan, it is half off in your first three months. And you will find personalized techniques to relieve pain and improve your fitness and flexibility.
Hello, and welcome to the “Valence Mama Podcast”. I am from KatieWelensama.com and valence.com. This is well com, a new line of completely natural personal care products that I am happy to share with my family. This is a very requested episode and an article that took me a long time to succeed in creating just because it’s a difficult topic.
And today, I have been opening and sharing about my inner journey over the past year and this has led to some dramatic physical changes without really focusing on diet. Or more exercise than usual. And I’ll explain some of the details in this episode. Of course, and I’m glad if you guys reached out to me on answering charity questions, I’d be happy to answer follow-up questions. But if you told me a few years ago that the change you experienced in the last year was even more possible then I don’t trust you. My journey this year involves first-hand understanding of how the mind and body are connected, and tackling the mental and emotional aspects that I had neglected for a long time. In this episode, I’m going to share the things that worked for me and the resources that helped me and they will also be linked to the show’s notes on wellnessmama.fm. But before I make the leap, I really want to emphasize that I think that dealing with the physical aspects of health matters more importantly, the mental and emotional aspects of it in a very personal way. Action and what works for one person can be ineffective or potentially hurtful to someone else.
And in my experience, it was also very important to find the right resources and practitioners that I could rely on and help me work through these things, and I think it was very personal and diverse. Before I jump too, I want to say, in this episode, that I talk about some pretty tough topics that may not be suitable for kids of some age. And here is a special topic that I will explain in a Christmas simulation that young children do not need to hear. Therefore, I would encourage you to have children or at least screen this episode in advance so make sure it does not cause problems if your children are listening.
So, I started this process last year to try to cope with my weight and ironically, weight loss is probably one of the small benefits I experienced from doing this work. Is. Although it was the one I thought I needed the most and the one who took up so much of my mental energy for so long. At the beginning of last year, I made a commitment that I could learn how to finally overcome my struggle with losing weight, not just for myself, but for my daughters as well. will do. One morning when I looked in the mirror, I realized … and I was watching all the things I didn’t like about my physical appearance and it was a script in my head and I felt like I was doing it. I’m actually doing it without even looking. My whole adult life or focus on it. In fact, I have been focusing on finding my own weaknesses and physically, especially since I was about 12 12 years old and since adolescence. And then I realized that I have a daughter who is almost 12 years old and when I remember that I was very old and in many ways feeling the weight of responsibility, I was like I could not imagine struggling through things. I did it
And I also realized that while I have always preferred talking to her and making her a safe place and making sure she feels she can talk to me at any time, I know that An example of having a good relationship is needed. With someone’s body, not only did I tell him that he was important or he was trying to help him create a good body image and self-image. So, for this reason, one of my goals for the past year was to finally do what I needed to do to get past the problem of physical image and finally reconcile my body. It didn’t matter to me if I would find out, and would I not enter into another decade with this problem, which still has a lot of mental and emotional energy in me and I will always be there for my children? I will not be subjected to criticism myself. General Chat Chat Lounge
And then, I thought that all I needed to do to do this was to lose weight and then I would be happy. And ironically, the complete reversal is what made it possible. So, ironically, I have a nutritional background and I really ind probably looked at it as I was trying to solve my own weight struggle. I have been researching various aspects of health and fitness for years. When I say I’ve tried everything, I mean. I must have tried every diet and planned the imagination. I had taken all supplements, worked with all doctors, literally dozens and maintained a really clean diet over the past decade. I had lifted weights and tried to run. I did CrossFit, every other possible project. And I rested my muscles and I was healthy and my blood levels were really strong. My labs were always perfect. Even my Hashimoto’s were sorry now, but at the same time, I knew that none of them were working to lose weight. And so, I set out to find out why.
And of course, a couple of factors were obvious. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis in the past, and I had six pregnancies in nine years and none of those things can make it difficult to lose weight. And when they realized it together. And I’ve always had that, I think, mentally, it’s considered my excuse. But I also started to realize, even though it was my excuse, I didn’t think it was the cause and my youngest two at the time. And I knew I couldn’t default to being skinny after that. I knew it was possible to work through these issues and the work I was doing was not working. So, I really need to dig deep and discover and find out what works.
So, in the first week of last year, I always did. In the last few years, at least we start the year, my husband and I have a fasting water, which is very good physically. In the past I have written and talked about the many benefits of podcasts. But mentally, this is great because there is a level of clarity that comes with removing something that is as important as food for everyday life. And also, during that time, I really tried to reflect on myself, considering last year’s lessons and any goals for the new year. And also re-read some books that I personally find important. So, every year I look for Victor Frankel’s “Man-Seeking Meaning.” I read again I re-read “Four Contracts” and last year, “Body Scores”.
Those first two books are great for a change of perspective at the beginning of any new year, but “Body Store Keeps Score” brought some things that I now know to me are a big change. Was the beginning. I would recommend the book to anyone, not just those of us who know we have a trauma. For me, I found myself experiencing some of the problems that come from certain things. Especially, and I think it’s a difficult thing, but I think we need to talk about someone who is going through it, so it’s okay to talk about it. I suffered from sexual trauma, was abused in high school and was not emotionally or emotionally involved at the time. In fact, at this moment I have experienced a place of pain and trauma that I emotionally lock in to protect myself. And I decided internally then that I would put up walls and I would never hurt myself. And I created metaphorical walls that over time translated into physical walls.
Looking back, I can see how powerful this mental decision was and when we make such a decision, the body and mind stand to protect us. And I wondered if I could ignore the hurt that I could avoid from hurting myself. So, I stopped completely and decided that I was not feeling this pain. I was not going to suffer and I was going to power. And looking back, I think at least one element of that weight was the safety mechanism, the physical armor that helped me feel safe in my body for years. In the past, every effort to lose weight was met with an unconscious need for safety, and the body and mind are stellar and good at protecting us when we need them. And in the moment I needed them, I ignored the emotional side and I was pretty une unnatural in my adult life, in my opinion, that is one way to maintain that protection. I think I thought that by ignoring the pain and the emotions, I could avoid it, but it didn’t happen until I was willing to face and experience the pain I was experiencing. Can work through it. In fact, until I recognize the pain, I finally feel it myself and experience all the emotions that I can go through this year to thank my mind and my body for keeping me safe. And then I can leave the connection and the pain and be free from it. And he said, it looks like maybe a short process, but it wasn’t. I didn’t really know there was a way to do that. And so, the whole day of the previous year was a journey trying to figure it out.
There were other things I worked through that I never really paid attention to. Like early life beliefs that I was not good at and always want to have the inner desire to prove that I am a success or good at school or always follow the rules and have a good child. And I was worried that when I started to work through things that I would lose my edge or if I deal with those things, I would be less motivated or produce less results. And what I’ve just noticed is that when I was able to process and integrate these experiences and thank them for what they taught me, though, of course, I wish they hadn’t. In fact, I was still able to use those beneficial aspects and lessons without holding back walls and pain. And I found a lot more peace and more in fact more productive and more capable of working through things.
So, like I said, it was a very long process and this is a process I’m still working on. I doubt this is a lifetime journey that we all go on. In practice, for those who are surprised, I lost about 60 to 60 pounds in the last year and I am losing weight slowly and naturally without really trying. So, for the first time after having children, I could easily add six pairs of paint buttons to the size and that’s a new experience for me. I also received a new appreciation for my body and I feel that I have become the most present wife and mother with the ability to connect deeply with the people I love the most. And weight loss was a product of far more important internal work. And I would gladly do it all over again, even if the weight loss was not due to the inward shifts and ability to connect more deeply.
I, too, like I said, wanted to talk openly about the trauma because so many of us have had similar experiences and it is still taboo to talk about it. And I get it because after going through it, I know the hurt and the shame and all the layers that go with it. And, of course, Brian Brown has written some excellent books on risk and shame and working through it. But my hope here is that I can provide a forum to make this conversation more acceptable and especially focused on the outcome, and be able to support each other and instead of being traumatized. Find ways to work through these things. Like I did for so long.
So, in order to get you started with your process, it was identified as having a problem. Like I did at the beginning of the year, and with such strong encouragement I have to face it. In order to be a better mother to my children and especially my daughters, it has become more important for me to address this issue now than to save myself from suffering. اور میں نے بھی ، یہ احساس بھی لیا کہ جب میں نے مسئلے سے نمٹنے کی کوشش کرنے کے لئے ماضی میں بہت سی “صحیح جسمانی چیزیں” انجام دی تھیں ، میں نے اس کے ایک بہت بڑے اور اہم حص ignoredے کو نظرانداز کیا تھا ، جو یہ پورا اندرونی سفر تھا .
اور اس کے نتیجے میں ، میں لفظی طور پر اپنے جسم اور دماغ کو ہارنے والی جنگ میں لڑ رہا تھا کیونکہ اس سے قطع نظر بھی کہ میں نے وزن کم کرنے کی کتنی ہی کوشش کی ، قوت ارادہ ان داخلی حفاظتی بقا کے میکانزم سے زیادہ مضبوط نہیں ہے جو ہمیں زندہ رکھتے ہیں اور ہمیں اس میں محفوظ رکھتے ہیں۔ ‘کیونکہ اس کا ایک بہت مقصد تھا۔ اور اسی طرح ، مجھے یہ اندرونی حفاظتی عقیدہ تھا کہ وزن کم کرنا محفوظ نہیں تھا ، جس نے جسمانی طور پر بھی مجھے ہر وقت لڑائی یا اڑان کی حالت میں رکھا اور وزن چھوڑنے کے لئے مجبور کردیا کیونکہ یہ ایسی چیز نہیں ہے جو قدرتی طور پر ہوتا ہے۔ کسی کی جان سے لڑنا ، آپ کے جسم کو ہاضم ہونے اور اچھی طرح سے سونے اور اس کے ساتھ ساتھ چلنے والی تمام چیزوں سے پریشان نہیں ہوتا ہے جب یہ محسوس ہوتا ہے کہ آپ اپنی زندگی کے لئے لڑ رہے ہیں۔ اور میں اس عمل میں پھنس گیا تھا۔
لہذا ، اس کو تھوڑا سا اور سمجھانے کے لئے ، عمل بہت ہی کثیر الجہتی تھا اور اس طرح اس کا آغاز پچھلے سال اس کتاب “دی باڈیز دی اسکور” پڑھنے کے ساتھ ہوا تھا اور اسی وجہ سے۔ کتاب ڈاکٹر بیسل وین ڈیر کولک نے لکھی ہے اور اس میں بچپن کے دماغی نشوونما اور جذباتی ضابطوں پر صدمے کے اثرات پر ان کی چار دہائیوں کی تحقیق کا خلاصہ پیش کیا گیا ہے۔ وہ یقینی طور پر اس بارے میں بات کرنے کا اہل ہے۔ وہ ہارورڈ میں محقق اور ایک معالج تھا۔ اس نے صدمے سے نمٹنے کے ل many کئی قسم کے طریق کار کی تاثیر پر سینکڑوں تعلیمی مقالے شائع کیے اور مطالعے کی رہنمائی کی ، جس میں ای ایم ڈی آر ، مختلف قسم کے نیوروفیڈ بیک ، ایم ڈی ایم اے معاون تھراپی اور بہت سارے دیگر شامل ہیں۔ مختصرا. ، میں یہ کہوں گا کہ وہ شاید اس موضوع کے بارے میں بات کرنے کے لئے دنیا میں سب سے زیادہ اہل ہے۔
لہذا ، کتاب میں ، اس نے وضاحت کی ہے کہ صدمے میں صرف ایک جیسے بڑے صدمے شامل نہیں ہوتے ہیں۔ اعدادوشمار اور افسوس کی بات یہ ہے کہ ہم میں سے بہت سوں کو صدمے کی یہ قسم ہے ، خاص طور پر خواتین۔ اور اس قسم کے صدمے کو کتاب میں شدید صدمے سے تعبیر کیا گیا ہے۔ تو ، یہ عصمت دری اور جسمانی استحصال ، حملہ ، گھریلو تشدد ، جنگ کے ذریعے ہونے جیسی چیزیں ہوں گی۔ اور افسوس کی بات یہ ہے کہ ، جبکہ یہ عام بات ہے ، یہ تعداد پانچ میں سے ایک ہے جو بچپن میں ہی جنسی طور پر بدتمیزی کی گئی تھی۔ چار میں سے ایک کو بچپن میں پیٹا گیا۔ آٹھ میں سے ایک نے دیکھا ہے کہ والدین کو بچپن میں ہی حملہ کیا جاتا ہے۔ اور ہم کس اعدادوشمار کو دیکھتے ہیں اس پر انحصار کرتے ہوئے ، تقریبا تین میں سے ایک عورت پر جنسی زیادتی کا نشانہ بنایا گیا ہے۔ یہ نمبر خوفناک ہیں۔ اور اعدادوشمار کی بنیاد پر ، ہم میں سے بہت سارے ایسے ہیں جو شدید صدمے کے نتیجے میں گھوم رہے ہیں۔ اور میں ان میں سے ایک تھا۔ تو ، لیکن یہ جاننا بھی ضروری ہے کہ یہ صدمے کی واحد قسم نہیں ہے۔ میں بہت سارے لوگوں کو جانتا ہوں جو بالغوں کی حیثیت سے بہت ساری پریشانیوں کے ذریعے کام کرتے ہیں اور وہ در حقیقت مجرم محسوس کرتے ہیں کیوں کہ ان میں شدید صدمہ نہیں ہوتا ہے۔ اور وہ سوچتے ہیں ، حقیقت میں میری زندگی بہت اچھی تھی اور میرے والدین واقعتا مجھ سے پیار کرتے تھے اور انہوں نے سخت محنت کی اور میرے والدین بھی بالکل اسی طرح تھے۔ تو ، وہ صدمے کی طرح محسوس کرنے پر مجرم محسوس کرتے ہیں کیونکہ انہیں ایسا لگتا ہے جیسے انہیں محسوس نہیں ہونا چاہئے جیسے صدمہ ہے لیکن ، وہاں ہے۔
اور کتاب میں واقعی دلچسپ بات یہ تھی ، لہذا محققین نے کسی ایسی چیز کو دیکھا جس کو بچپن کے منفی تجربات یا ACE کہا جاتا تھا اور یہ تعداد ان کی توقع سے کہیں زیادہ تھی۔ دراصل ، شرکاء میں سے صرف ایک تہائی نے بچپن کے صدمے کی کسی قسم کی اطلاع نہیں دی جب وہ صدمے کا اندازہ کرنے کے اس طرح کے طریقہ کار کا استعمال کرتے ہیں۔ انہوں نے یہ بھی توقع کی کہ صدمے کی شدید اقسام ، جیسے میں نے تجربہ کیا ہے ، سب سے خراب ہی ہوگا ، لیکن اس سے پتہ چلتا ہے کہ ایسا ہر گز نہیں تھا اور یہ ضروری نہیں تھا کہ بچپن میں کام کرنے کا سب سے مشکل منفی تجربہ ہو۔ مثال کے طور پر ، والدین سے جذباتی انخلاء ایک انتہائی گہرے دیرپا اثرات میں شمار ہوتا ہے اور اس سے بچوں کے سست اور مستقل تجربات ہوتے ہیں جس کی وجہ سے اسی طرح کے طویل المیعاد امور شدید صدمے کی وجہ سے ہوتے ہیں۔ انہوں نے محسوس کیا کہ جب ایک بچ .ہ ، دیکھ بھال کرنے والوں کی طرف سے باقاعدگی سے نظرانداز کیا جاتا ہے ، تو وہ بچ thatہ اس کا اندازہ لگانا سیکھتا ہے اور جذبات کو روکنے اور اس کی طرح کی حرکت کرنے سے معاوضہ ادا کرتا ہے۔ اور اسی طرح ، اس سے بہت ساری قسم کی پریشانیوں کا باعث بن سکتا ہے یہاں تک کہ اگر وہاں واقعی کوئی شدید حملہ یا صدمہ نہ ہو۔ لیکن ان میں سے بہت سے صدمات کے ل the ، جسم اب بھی جانتا ہے اور وہ اس انتشار یا نظرانداز یا بدسلوکی کو سنبھالنے کے قابل رہتا ہے۔ اور یہ جوانی کی طرف جاتا ہے ، یہ بہت سارے طریقوں سے خود اعتمادی یا خود محبت کی کمی کے طور پر ظاہر ہوسکتا ہے۔
دماغی اسکینوں میں ، لوگوں نے دماغ میں سرگرمی بڑھا دی تھی ، خاص طور پر ایک ایسا علاقہ جو انسولا کہلاتا ہے ، جو حسی اعضاء سے معلومات کو مربوط کرتا ہے اور اس کی ترجمانی کرتا ہے اور جب ضروری ہو تو لڑائی یا پرواز کے اشارے امیگدال میں منتقل کرتا ہے۔ دماغ کے اس حصے میں صرف شدید حالات کے دوران ہی فائرنگ کی جانی چاہئے لیکن اس وقت ہر وقت فائرنگ کا خاتمہ ہوسکتا ہے جب ان میں سے کسی قسم کی صدمے ہو ، جو جسم کو ہمیشہ چوکس رہتا ہے۔ جسمانی نقطہ نظر سے ، یہ پیرائے ہمدرد کی حالت میں داخل ہونا مشکل بناتا ہے اور تناؤ کے ہارمون کو خلل ڈال سکتا ہے۔ ظاہری نقطہ نظر سے ، یہ شخص اور نمٹنے کے طریقہ کار کے لحاظ سے مختلف طریقوں سے اظہار کرسکتا ہے۔ لہذا ، یہ الگ تھلگ اور انقطاع جیسی چیزیں ہوسکتی ہیں جیسے کسی کے جسم سے ہائپرروئیلینس اور خوف و ہراس کے حملوں یا اس کے درمیان کسی بھی طرح کا رابطہ منقطع ہونا۔ اور میں اس کتاب کو پڑھ کر بتا سکتا ہوں کہ میں ہائی اسکول میں اس حملے سے ہونے والے شدید صدمے کے کچھ اثرات اور بچپن سے ہی زیادہ لطیف صدمات سے نمٹ رہا تھا جسے میں واقعتا forgotten بھول چکا ہوں یا نظرانداز کروں گا یہاں تک کہ میں ان کے ذریعے کام کرنا شروع کردوں۔ چنانچہ ، کتاب میں ، وہ کئی مختلف سائلو اور علاج کی اقسام کے بارے میں بات کرتا ہے پہلے یہ کہ ایک عام سی بات ہے جس کے بارے میں ہم سب نے شاید سنا ہے ، جس کا مطلب ہے اوپر سے نیچے۔ لہذا ، یہ بات کرنے ، گفتگو سے متعلق تھراپی ، دوسروں کے ساتھ مربوط ہونے ، صدمے کی یادوں پر عملدرآمد کرتے وقت خود کو جاننے اور سمجھنے کی اجازت دینے کی طرح ہے۔
غیر موزوں الارم رد عمل کو بند کرنے کے ل medication دوائیں لینے کا اختیار بھی موجود ہے یا دماغی معلومات کو منظم کرنے کے طریقے کو تبدیل کرنے والی دوسری ٹکنالوجیوں کا استعمال کرکے اور وہ یہ معاملہ پیش کرتا ہے کہ اس کے لئے اور کچھ لوگوں کے لئے ایک وقت اور جگہ موجود ہے۔ مساوات کی. اور پھر ، آخر میں ، جسم کو ایسے تجربات کرنے کی اجازت دے کر جو قسم کے بوتل اپ اپ اپناتے ہیں جو صدمے کے نتیجے میں پائی جانے والی بے بسی ، غیظ و غضب یا دوسری چیزوں سے دل کی گہرائی سے اور دیکھنے کے ساتھ متصادم ہوتے ہیں۔ میرے لئے ، ذاتی طور پر ، میں دوائیں لینے میں راضی نہیں تھا اور مجھے نہیں لگتا تھا کہ مجھے دراصل دوا کی ضرورت ہے ، لیکن میں نے اپنے اندرونی جدوجہد کے ذریعے کسی بھی دوسرے طریقے سے کام کرنے کا عہد کیا ہے۔ میں نے اپنے تجربات کے ان احساسات پر عملدرآمد کرنے اور ایسے رشتے بنانے پر توجہ دینے کی ترجیح دی کہ جہاں میں نے اپنے آپ کو محفوظ محسوس کیا ہو اور عملدرآمد کرسکتا ہوں۔ شفا یابی کے جسمانی اجزاء اور اس سارے نقطoms نظر اپ کو محسوس کرتے ہوئے ، میں نے اس وقت جسم کی مدد کرنے کے ل a بہت ساری جسمانی طرز عمل کی کوشش کرنے کا بھی عہد کیا۔
لہذا ، میں ان سب پر مزید گہرائیوں گا ، لیکن عملی سطح پر ، میں نے ایک ماہر نفسیات اور ماہر نفسیات کے ساتھ بہت سی روایتی ٹاک تھراپی سمیت ، بہت سی چیزوں کی کوشش کی۔ میں نے ایک طریقہ استعمال کیا جس کو ٹیپنگ یا جذباتی آزادی کی تکنیک کہتے ہیں۔ اور اگر آپ ان کے بارے میں مزید پڑھنا چاہتے ہیں تو میں شو نوٹوں میں ان سے لنک کروں گا۔ “دی ٹیپنگ سولوشن” نامی ایک کتاب اور ایک ایسی ایپ ہے جو اس کے ساتھ چلتی ہے جس میں مختلف چیزوں کے لئے مخصوص ٹیپنگ پروٹوکول موجود ہیں۔ اور پھر ، میں نے برٹنی واٹکنز نامی کسی کے ساتھ بھی کام کیا جو جسمانی تصویر کو مخصوص ٹیپنگ کرتا ہے۔ میں نے سموہن کی کوشش کی۔ میں نے وگس اعصاب کی حمایت کرنے کی کوشش کی ، جو اس لڑائی یا پرواز کے ردعمل سے منسلک ہے۔ جسمانی سطح پر۔ میں نے مائو فیزیکل ریلیز اور رولفنگ جیسی چیزوں کی کوشش کی ، جس کے بارے میں میں بعد میں اس سلسلے میں مزید تفصیل کے ساتھ بات کروں گا۔ لیکن یہ احساس کرتے ہوئے ، “جسمانی اسکور کو برقرار رکھتا ہے” میں ، وہ اس کے بارے میں بات کرتا ہے کہ جسمانی طور پر جسمانی طور پر صدمے کو کس طرح ذخیرہ کرتا ہے اور اس طرح کی چیزیں صدمے کو آزاد کرنے میں کس طرح مدد فراہم کرسکتی ہیں۔ اور پھر میں نے جسمانی سرگرمی پر بھی توجہ مرکوز کی تاکہ مجھے اپنے جسم سے دوبارہ جڑنے میں مدد ملے لیکن ورزش نہیں۔ لہذا ، یہ کھیل ، گانے ، جیسی چیزیں تھیں جس سے میں گھبرا گیا تھا ، جس کی ستم ظریفی یہ ہے کہ گانے سے عصبی اعصاب کی حوصلہ افزائی ہوتی ہے اور میں نے پچھلے سال ہی آواز کا سبق لینا شروع کیا ہے۔ اس طرح کی چیزیں. لہذا ، میں نے پوری طرح سے مختلف قسم کی پریکٹس ، ہر طرح کے تھراپی ، ہر طرح کے ذہنی کام ، ہر طرح کے جسمانی کام کی کوشش کی۔
اگرچہ اس کی کلید کے طور پر ، میں وگس اعصاب کے بارے میں تھوڑا سا مزید بات کرنا چاہتا ہوں۔ لہذا ، دماغ کے ریگولیٹری مرکز میں وبس اعصاب کا آغاز ہوتا ہے اور یہ بنیادی طور پر چہرے ، گلے ، کانوں وغیرہ کے پٹھوں سے منسلک ہوتا ہے۔ یہ ہمارے چہرے کے تاثرات اور ان کے جذباتی ارتباط سے جڑا ہوا ہے۔ لہذا ، دلچسپ حقیقت ، وہ افراد جو جسمانی وجوہات کی بنا پر مسکرانا نہیں رکھتے ، عارضی طور پر بھی فالج یا بہت زیادہ بوٹوکس کی طرح ، جو کچھ بھی ہو ، دراصل افسردگی کا زیادہ خطرہ ہوتا ہے۔ اور لگتا ہے کہ یہاں دو طرفہ باہمی ربط ہے۔ لہذا ، ان تحریکوں کو محرک نہ کرنا اصل میں خوش رہنا اور دوسروں کے ساتھ ہمدردی اور مربوط ہونا مشکل تر ہے۔ دلچسپ بات یہ ہے کہ اعداد و شمار سے یہ بھی پتہ چلتا ہے کہ وہ لوگ جو مسکرا کر ہنس سکتے ہیں ، یہاں تک کہ اگر وہ ناراض بھی ہوں تو ، اس سے انھیں نکالنے میں مدد مل سکتی ہے۔
لہذا ، یہ واقعی دلچسپ تحقیق ہے جو ہم ابھی اس پر دیکھ رہے ہیں۔ وگس اعصاب دل اور پھیپھڑوں کو بھی سگنل بھیجتا ہے ، جو دل کی شرح ، دل کی شرح میں تغیر ، سانس کی شرح ، اور گہری سانس لینے جیسی چیزوں سے منسلک ہوتا ہے۔ لہذا ، جب یہ ردعمل صحیح طور پر کام کر رہا ہے تو ، ہم پر سکون اور سکون محسوس کرتے ہیں ، ہمیں مرکزیت محسوس کرتے ہیں ، وغیرہ۔ جب ایسا نہیں ہوتا ہے تو ، ہم منقطع یا الرٹ پر محسوس کرسکتے ہیں ، جو بہت اچھا ہے۔ اسی لئے وہیں موجود ہے۔ حسی اعصاب وہاں حسی معلومات سے متعلق ہے۔ اور اگر کوئی خطرہ ہے تو ، یقینی بنائیں کہ ہمیں اس خطرے سے مناسب طور پر آگاہ کیا گیا ہے۔
لہذا ، جب ہمیں دھمکی دی جاتی ہے تو ، اس سے دل کی شرح ، سانس لینے ، آواز ، ایسی چیزوں میں تبدیلی آتی ہے جو دوسرے لوگوں کو ہماری مدد کرنے کا اشارہ دیتے ہیں۔ اور اس سے ہمیں لڑائی یا پرواز کے ل prepare تیاری کرنے میں مدد ملتی ہے اگر ہمیں ایسا کرنے کی ضرورت ہو۔ اگر یہ خطرہ جاری رہتا ہے تو ، ایسی چیز جس پرعضوی عضلہ کمپلیکس کہا جاتا ہے حوصلہ افزائی کرتا ہے اور اس سے ہاضمہ ، ہارمونز ، تحول کو کم کرتا ہے ، اتلی سانس لینے کا باعث بنتا ہے اور نیند خراب ہوتی ہے کیونکہ جب آپ اپنی زندگی کے لئے لڑ رہے ہیں تو آپ کو سونے کی ضرورت نہیں ہے۔ یا ہضم یا غور کریں۔ لہذا ، جسم آپ کو محفوظ رکھنے کے لئے ان چیزوں کو بند کردیتا ہے۔ لیکن اس کو سمجھنے کے بعد ، مبتلا اعصاب اس بات کی بصیرت پیش کرتا ہے کہ یہ جسمانی نیچے جانے والے نقطہ نظر متعدد وجوہات کی بناء پر شفا یابی کے ل better کیوں بہتر کام کرسکتا ہے۔ اور یہ سمجھنے کے ل for میرے لئے یہ ایک ایسی مثال تھی جس کی وجہ سے میں ، اگرچہ مجھے لگتا ہے کہ میں منطقی طور پر بہتر جانتا ہوں ، میں نے جسم اور دماغ کو منقطع یا کم از کم ذہن کی طرح دیکھا جس پر میں آسانی سے قابو پا سکتا ہوں اور میں اس کا احساس نہیں ہوا کہ جسم ، طرح کی تھراپی کی طرح جسم دو طرفہ دھارے پر دراصل دماغ کو متاثر کرسکتا ہے۔
لہذا ، ایک مثال کے طور پر ، روایتی ٹاک تھراپی صرف اس بات کی نشاندہی کرتی ہے کہ جس شخص تک ہوش میں رسائی ہے اور وہ کام کرنے پر راضی ہے۔ لہذا ، صرف مسئلہ کے بارے میں بات کرنا ہمیشہ اس کو حل کرنے کے لئے کافی نہیں ہوگا۔ اور کچھ محققین کا خیال ہے کہ صدمے کے تاثرات کو تبدیل کرنے کے لئے دوسرا طریق کار استعمال کیے بغیر بات کرنا دراصل معاملات کو خراب کرسکتا ہے۔ کتوں پر واقعی ایک افسوسناک مطالعہ ہے جو اس کی مثال پیش کرتا ہے۔ بنیادی طور پر ، محققین نے کتوں کو حیران کردیا جنھیں پنجروں میں بند کردیا گیا تھا اور وہ فرار نہیں ہوسکے تھے۔ اور انہوں نے اس ناقابل تلافی جھٹکا کہا ، جو بالکل بھیانک لگتا ہے۔ اور اس کا نتیجہ یہ ہوا کہ کتوں میں بے بسی سیکھی گئی ، اس کا مطلب یہ ہے کہ جب پنجرے کھولے گئے تو کتوں نے بھی باہر نکلنے کی کوشش نہیں کی۔
در حقیقت ، اس خوف نے انہیں بے بس کردیا ہے اور وہ انجان سے خوفزدہ تھے ، وہ پنجرے چھوڑنے کی بھی رہنمائی نہیں کرتے تھے۔ نقصان کو ختم کرنے کا واحد طریقہ یہ تھا کہ کتوں کو جسمانی طور پر بار بار پنجروں سے باہر کھینچنا تھا جب تک کہ انھوں نے یہ نہ دیکھا کہ یہاں ایک نمونہ موجود ہے کہ وہ کیسے نکل سکتے ہیں۔ اور “جسمانی اسکور کو برقرار رکھتا ہے” میں ، وان ڈیر کولک نے کہا کہ یہ انسانوں پر کس طرح لاگو ہوتا ہے۔ یہاں باہمی تعلق یہ ہے کہ انسانوں نے جو عصمت دری یا حملہ یا جنگ جیسی قسم کی ناقابل معافی صدمے سے گذرا تھا ، انہوں نے اسی طرح کی بے بسی کی حالتیں سیکھ لیں کیونکہ اکثر ان تجربات میں ، جیسا کہ میرا تجربہ ایک سب سے مشکل حص partsہ ہے وہ ہے لاچاری اور نہ ہونا بھاگنے یا لڑنے یا بھاگنے کے قابل اور وہ ساری چیزیں جو ہم کرنے کے ل w تسکین کا شکار ہیں۔
اور وہ اکثر یہاں پھنس جاتے ہیں اور اس کے ذریعے کام کرنے میں کامیاب ہونے میں پریشانی کا سامنا کرنا پڑتا ہے۔ تو ، اس کا نظریہ یہ تھا کہ اس سے گزرنے کا ایک طریقہ جسمانی عمل کا استعمال تھا جس نے بے بسی کا مقابلہ کیا۔ لہذا ، اس طرح کی بات چیت بنیادی طور پر اس لڑائی یا پرواز کے عمل میں خلل ڈالتی ہے جس میں ہم پھنس جاتے ہیں جب ہمارے پاس وہ بے بسی اور تناؤ ہارمون ہوتا ہے اور وہ ہمیں صدمے کے ذریعے کام کرنے لگتے ہیں۔ لہذا ، دوسرے الفاظ میں ، صدمے کے دوران اپنے آپ کو بچانے کے قابل نہ ہونا ، چاہے وہ شدید ہو یا دائمی ، اس بے بسی کا باعث بنے اور جسم کو جوڑنے اور جوڑنے کے لئے جسمانی طریقے کی بحالی یا خود سے فرار ہونے یا اس کا دفاع کرنے میں مدد مل سکتی ہے۔ چنانچہ ، ذاتی سطح پر ، میں نے ان میں سے متعدد علاجوں میں پایا کہ مجھے شدید جسمانی صدمے کے دوران جسمانی ردعمل کا سامنا کرنا پڑا تھا۔
مثال کے طور پر ، کچھ مقامات پر ، میری خواہش تھی کہ چلllا ماریں اور لڑیں یا مختلف اوقات میں بھاگیں یا چھپ جائیں۔ اور میری حیرت کی بات یہ ہے کہ ایسا ہی لگتا ہے کہ صوماتی اور جسمانی علاج میرے لئے ٹاک تھراپی سے کہیں زیادہ مؤثر طریقے سے کام کر رہے ہیں۔ کیونکہ چونکہ میں نے ان جذبات کو بند کردیا تھا ، ٹاک تھراپی میں ، میں آسانی سے ان کے آس پاس رقص پسند کرسکتا تھا اور نہ اتنا گہرا جانا پڑتا تھا اور نہ ہی حقیقت میں ان کے ذریعہ کام کرنا ہوتا تھا۔ اور اسی وجہ سے ، میں نے سوچا کہ میں صرف اپنے جسم کو تار بنا سکتا ہوں اور اسے اپنی مرضی کے مطابق کروں گا یا اسے ٹھیک کرنے کا نظام بنا سکتا ہوں جیسے میں اپنی زندگی کے ہر دوسرے پہلو میں کرسکتا ہوں۔ اور پتہ چلتا ہے جیسے میں نے پایا ہے کہ آپ خود سے نفرت نہیں کرسکتے ہیں ، تب آپ خود کو خوش یا صحت مند نہیں بنا سکتے ہیں۔ مجھے یہ سیکھنا پڑا کہ دوبارہ اپنے جسم میں کیسے رہنا ہے اور وہیں خود کو محفوظ محسوس کرنا ہے اور اپنے ذہن کو یہ اشارہ بھیجنا ہے تاکہ اس حفاظتی طریقہ کار کو چلنے دیا جائے۔
And ironically, once I did that, the body stuff started shifting immediately without any other dramatic changes. So, I found that some unexpected situations had a big impact. In hindsight, I don’t think these exact same things would work for everyone and I don’t think that you it even necessarily would have worked for me in the past until I was ready to face them. It was very much kind of a when the student is willing, the teacher will appear scenario and so I think there are probably a lot of other things even that would’ve worked as well. It was just also that I was willing, but I’m sharing the ones that did help me in case they might be helpful to you as well.
So, for me, the cascade of events that led to this included some bizarre and unusual things starting with a trip to Finland. And I talked about this on the podcast before, but I had the chance to visit Lapland in Northern Finland with Four Sigmatic last year. And this is in the Arctic circle. It was incredibly cold and it was an amazing trip. In hindsight, it had a very lasting and profound impact, but not in the ways I expected. So, as an example, I knew that we would be doing a sauna and cold plunge while we were there. I was nervous for the cold because I hated cold water at that point. But also nervous because, and it sounds silly now, but I dreaded the idea of wearing a swimsuit in public, especially when there were cameras around because of all my body image issues, that was actually one of my biggest fears at that point. And on that trip, I conquered the cold and the fear of wearing a swimsuit. And I also started to value my body for what it could do instead of what it wasn’t. So, ironically at that point, despite the fact that my body had grown six healthy babies, I was always focused on its deficiencies and its stretchmarks and what it did or didn’t look like.
And Finland was the first step in starting a shift towards appreciating what it could do, which was lasting in cold water as long as the toughest guys on the trip or hike through waist-deep snow or handle extreme cold for a week or sled downhills. Even though I was terrified, I didn’t know it at the time, but that shift started a much longer year-long process for me that I’m still in. And so, just kind of facing that and the littlest shift into valuing my body for what it could do instead of just focusing on its physical deficiencies started, I think to crack the walls a little bit.
And the next step for me involved tapping, which is a physical modality that stimulates the vagus nerve like I mentioned and make use of acupressure points. And I had tried this in several ways. I’ll link to the ones that I’ve used personally. There’s a lot of options out there. I used “The Tapping Solution,” which there’s an app and a book and that was from a previous podcast guest, Nick Ortner. If you guys want to listen to his interview, it’s phenomenal. And the app walks you through tapping for different scenarios and goals and I love that it’s easy to use and can go anywhere with me and I still use that pretty regularly. I also worked with a tapping expert in another previous podcast guest, Brittany Watkins. You can listen to her episode as well, but directly to see if there were any underlying issues with emotional eating or related to the trauma that I needed to address. And I also worked with a psychologist who specializes in trauma as I started bringing things up through tapping and through all the other work I was doing.
Another shift happened for me in an unexpected way when I tried the mixture of Acroyoga and Rolfing. And it sounds bizarre and I would never have guessed that this could have had an impact, but it absolutely did. In fact, I didn’t go into it with the idea at all that it was going to cause a shift. If you aren’t familiar, Rolfing is a deeper soft tissue work that is designed to improve posture and body positioning. It can affect fascia and soft tissue, which is probably what made it effective for me because as he talks about in “The Body Keeps The Score,” trauma can actually store in memory physically in the body, in places like fascia. And so, things like Rolfing can help release it and combined with Acroyoga for me this meant that I was, in that situation involved, trust involved not being on the ground because you’re held in the air by another person while this happens.
And so, I wasn’t in control, I wasn’t on the ground. Then I also brought up a lot of like body image issues because I was being held up by another person and I was worried about my weight and was worried that I was too heavy and that I was going to hurt this person. And so, I realized as soon as we started that I had some trust issues that I had obviously not dealt with and that I did not at all like the feeling of not being in control and not on the ground. And this practitioner used Rolfing as I was balancing in the air and then as I was doing certain movements and during the process, I felt physical shifts as he worked on areas of fascia and muscle groups, especially my shoulders and even just moving to my hips because through having a C-section, and I think probably all those years of carrying babies there were just a lot pent up there.
It was a strangely mental and emotional experience, too. As memories of some of these past things came up and I felt like I was experiencing them again in real-time and processing them. And so, afterward, once I was finally on the ground, it was a bizarre thing. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen an animal show, for instance, on TV where an animal narrowly escaped death and then the animal goes through an involuntary kind of like shaking episode where all that adrenaline and all those emotions release and they just kind of shake to get it out. And that happened to me after this treatment. In fact, I shook uncontrollably for two hours and I couldn’t stop it. And I think, in hindsight, what was happening was that I had shut down in the actual time when I should have processed the trauma. And so, in reliving it a little bit, that all came out and I finally was able to like process the emotions and the adrenaline and all of the things that went along with that experience. And so, this was essentially like a somatic therapy that helps me, I think in that moment, reconnect with my body and process that trauma.
So, this guy was on my podcast before and he had a quote to never waste a trigger, speaking to the idea that when something brings up a strong emotion or makes us angry or upset, it’s a chance to look internally and figure out why. And so, like starting to see in that moment that mind and body connection was stronger than I thought I had realized before. I started paying attention to that idea of not wasting a trigger and realizing there were quite a few things that were triggers for me and that kind of led to a spotlight and an insight into where these triggers maybe came from and how I could then start to process them.
So, that was kind of my internal work that was very quiet and calm for quite a few months. And I would notice like anger come up from something or fear or insecurity and I could then start to look at, like I said, fighting that emotion, thank it for being there and see what it could teach me and that sort of really providing insight into those walls that I had built and into the things I was doing to protect myself that were actually not serving me at all. And so, I started to work through those things internally and with therapists. A few months later, I met a woman named Erin and she will be on the podcast as well. I attended one of her sessions at this conference and I’ll link to her website in the show notes as well. But her session at this conference was called dealing with entrepreneurial head trash. I did not expect it to be anything that was going to help with anything I was processing. I thought it would be about productivity or organization or dealing with procrastination. What ensued was a 90-minute mental exercise that I did not expect and that I was not prepared for. So, she and the other presenter, Rhonda Britten, who has several great books on this that I will link to in the show notes. They started talking through the idea of filters and the subconscious. And as they started talking, pieces just kind of started clicking into place in a wonderful and terrifying way.
So, they explained that only a small part of our brain is managed by our conscious thoughts and that much of what motivates our actions is actually controlled by the subconscious. This is the reason that talk therapy isn’t always very effective as we can only work through the things we can consciously access and such a small percentage of what we can access within our conscious thought. So, long-term, we have to figure out how to deal with the subconscious and to work through these things, which is tough because a lot of this is formed by early childhood experiences. We may not necessarily have words or frameworks for this and it can be tough to activate the subconscious because we, of course, can’t consciously control it. And what really resonated with me in that session was the idea of filters and it was truly paradigm-shifting for me when this clicked into place. So, I had always assumed that since I had some difficult stuff to work through, that it would be a long and complicated process and that had been my experience to this point. They explained a lot of how we perceive and interact is controlled by our filters. So, as an example, if person has a filter that he or she is not lovable or that people don’t like him or her, that that person will see examples of that everywhere.
So, for instance, if it was me and that was my belief that no one liked me or that everyone was out to get me, I would read into people’s facial expressions. Or if someone walked by without smiling, I would take that to mean that they didn’t like me. Or if there was a tone of someone’s voice, I might take it to mean that that person didn’t like me, even if it was just meant that they were having a hard day. These filters are often formed by very early childhood experiences.
So, as a personal example, I had an underlying filter that I was not good enough and that I was not lovable. And I had mentioned that a little bit in the beginning, but as a result, I spent a lot of time and energy trying to prove to myself and others that I was good enough and worthy of love. On the one hand, this was an advantage because it made me very motivated and probably borderline neurotic, which was great for our work and for business and productivity. I also always tried to help others as a way, I think, to prove that I was lovable and instead that people would like me. And this led to some great relationships. And I don’t actually think either of those things is objectively bad, but the degree to which I did these things wasn’t healthy. And it led to me, I think at times ignoring some personal needs and becoming rundown and resentful. And it led to some relationships that were not balanced. And so, at this point in the session, I’m trying to figure out how to deal with these filters. Like I said, thinking it must be a long process because they were so deeply ingrained and they were formed some of them before I even had conscious memory.
And Erin and Rhonda explained, they used a really great analogy called the Santa Claus analogy. So again, if you have children listening this is an important topic so I would encourage you to stop listening right now. But what they explained was that as a child who believes in Santa, there’s a filter that Santa Claus is real and this child will through that filter, see proof of it everywhere. So, the child will see that the cookies are gone the next morning or the presents are there or whatever it may be like they write a letter and they can receive a response, whatever is a child believes that’s their filter, that Santa Claus deeply exists. And if you ask them, this is a firmly held belief, they absolutely believe it. And they see proof of it everywhere because they’re looking for proof of it everywhere. And they explained that when a trusted person helps them rewrite the framework and explains, then tells them at that point that Santa Claus does not exist, that it undoes that entire filter. And then that child never defaults to that filter again. They never forget that they don’t believe in Santa. They don’t revert to previous ways of believing.
Once they receive proof that shows them a different light of all of those things they thought they saw that proved it, it takes away that filter, instantly and permanently. So, in other words, once trusted person, like a parent explains that Santa is no longer there, they realize, “Oh, it was mom and dad who ate the cookies.” Or “Oh, the presents came from mom and dad.” Or “Oh, that wasn’t really Santa at the mall.” Or whatever it may be. And so, the filter is completely gone. And so, they said that basically the same thing works for adults. And that when we’re able to identify the core reasons of these filters that we build as children to protect ourselves and see where they might actually have come from, then we no longer are bound by that filter because we have a new narrative for why it exists and we have the ability to then consciously deal with it and choose our response. And so, that’s how I worked through the idea of not being good enough or not being valuable or not being lovable. And it made sense at the time in their session, but I didn’t fully believe it till actually worked with Erin and that filter was and is gone and has not come back. So, that was another kind of pivotal moment for me.
Another theme throughout the past year that was really instrumental in the process was the idea of play. So, another thing that shifted for me is I started changing my perception of my body from what it wasn’t and how it looked to what it could do and appreciating it is that I rediscovered the idea of fun and play. I realized I had gotten to the point of thinking as exercise as a chore or a punishment and I hated it and felt like it wasn’t effective. When I shifted this perception, I found ways to incorporate movement that felt like fun and play, including walks alone or with my kids and my husband, or jumping on a trampoline, learning how to do a handstand, which ironically was extremely scary process for me because I didn’t like being upside down. Even things like now trying pole vaulting with my kids or things like hot and cold therapy, which helped me feel very much in my body or running for fun and not just for exercise. And so, the idea of play was something I started really incorporating. And over time especially, it really made a dramatic impact of how I related to my body. And I think it helped. Like those forms of movement also helped somatically and maybe be able to work through a lot of the things I was going through.
I also had a theme last year of kind of consciously breaking through comfort zone barriers for myself. And, some of these were instrumental to the process and some them were just kind of, I think expressions of having worked through some of these things. So, as example, I think, like I said, I had built these walls as a protective mechanism that had built a lot of other walls around those to keep myself safe. And once I was able to start really addressing the core wall, I was less afraid to address a lot of these other walls as well. So, I mentioned that I started taking voice lessons and learning how to sing. And this was one of my biggest fears in life because I was pretty sure I was not good at singing, which was true when I started for sure. And the idea of singing, especially in front of people was terrifying, especially at the time because of that narrative of not being good enough and the judgment that would come with that and what if I failed at something.
So, to face this, I started taking voice lessons and I think there’s also a correlation here, like I mentioned, singing being really good for the vagus nerve and for stimulating the vagus nerve, it was something I had never really done. I think also singing can be very beneficial in speaking, and there’s a metaphor here for me of throughout the last year, finding my voice. So, my whole life people had always told me like, you’re so quiet, you can talk, like talk louder, don’t be so quiet. And I think a lot of it actually went back to some of those traumas and like holding myself back or censoring myself. And so, in singing and then it kind of translated into speaking, I feel like I found my voice last year. And so, I actually ended the year by doing karaoke in New Orleans in front of people, which was I thought the scariest thing I could ever do. And like form of immersion therapy, I faced it. And ironically now, so many things that I used to think were scary don’t scare me at all because I faced the one that I thought was the scariest.
Another example of this is stand-up comedy. So, this one sounds simple and funny and kind of bizarre maybe, but I never thought of myself as funny. And I don’t even think I knew how to be funny or it wasn’t something that was even on my radar, but as I sort of breaking my comfort zone and trying to find things that I was scared of, this was one that came up. And so, I started taking a class in the stand-up comedy and at some point this year I’ll actually be performing stand-up comedy onstage in a relatively popular place for stand-up comedy, which is another way I think of finding my voice and learning to break through comfort zone.
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Music has also been a thing for me in the last year. So, I mentioned voice lessons, I’ve also been trying to learn guitar and there’s an emotional component here that I’m still learning and I see glimpses of it and I now start to really understand why people love music so much and how it can touch like inner parts of us that just speaking can’t. But, there was this interesting correlation with anything musical, whether it was singing or guitar or anything. When I first started, I was relating to music very much the way I related to life where everything was very calculated and systematized and I wanted a process for everything and I didn’t even understand the concept of just kind of feeling the music and learning to feel the music. And so, slowly, I have started to be able to like feel the notes and to feel the music and to actually let the emotion come out through it. And I think that’s been an interesting part of the therapy that I wouldn’t have necessarily expected but that’s been kind of really deep and metaphorical. I’ve also started just getting back to things like painting. So, I loved art when I was younger and I would do all different kinds of painting and drawing. And I’ve been getting back to that just, not that it breaks my comfort zone, but just as a place, like a release and a place that I can go and have quiet as I’m working through stuff. And I’ve been doing that with my kids, which has been also a really fun way to connect with them.
And then lastly, when it comes to the comfort zone breaking, I’ve started letting myself be visible in photos. And this is something that I did not do for pretty much all of my adult life. And sadly even with my kids very much. I have lots of pictures of my kids. I don’t have very many pictures of me with my kids because I was so insecure with my body that it was hard to look at those photos. And in hindsight, I really wish I had taken more photos because that was part of the journey. And I now can look back at the person who would have been in those photos with so much more empathy and love and respect. And thanks for, like I said, for my mind, protecting me in that time and for all the lessons that came with that. But I can’t go and undo the past, so instead I’m trying to make an effort to be present in photos to make sure there are pictures of me with my kids at their different ages and family pictures and even on the blog pictures just because I think that was something I was so afraid of for so long and it’s a way that we can connect as humans. And so trying to face that fear as well.
There’s also obviously like the physical side of this, which is not by any means the big part of the transformation, but there was an aspect of this, I want to speak to it as well. As I said, I didn’t make any major dietary or changes in exercise intentionally. That wasn’t my focus. In fact, if anything, I shifted from an attitude of depriving my body by dieting and punishing it with exercise to loving myself and wanting to nourish my body with good food and enjoy it through fun movement. And this led to some practical changes, but they weren’t the focus. They were the by-product. At this point, physically I’ve settled into a comfortable plan that nourishes my body. I’m still losing weight and I’m building muscle. And I would say I’m much more in tune and intuitive with what my body wants and needs. So, there’s not really a typical normal day in this aspect, but there are some things I commonly do and I’ve also found through like that reassociation with my body that there’s not really a form of dieting. It’s definitely focused on nourishment but when my body is fuller doesn’t need any more food, I now I’m like no longer able to keep eating. So, when my body reaches whatever level of nourishment and food that it needs, I just physically don’t even want to put any more food in my mouth no matter how good I think it is. And so I’m trying to be very in tune and intuitive with my body and listen to it as we kind of learn this process together.
But some things I commonly do are I often intermittent fast till lunch. And I don’t think this again is right for everyone. This has worked well for me and I feel better when I do this. It helps me actually just feel much more productive in the morning. Lunch is my biggest meal and I’ll usually eat light at night, but I’ll get my most protein and most calories in general at lunch. This just seems to be really good for me for focus and also because then I’m not eating a lot at night for digestion and I’ve noticed improvement in my sleep. Like I said, I don’t think intermittent fasting is great for everyone and for people with acute hormone issues I think it can be problematic and I made sure to watch my hormones and that they’re all fine. My hormone levels are fine by doing this, but again, not recommending it for everyone.
There is a lot of data on this from researchers like Dr. Satchin Panda, about time-restricted eating and how even just shortening the window in which we eat…shortening the window that we eat even by a little bit can make a big difference. So, they’ve done studies on even, for instance, cancer patients and other people who ate in even a 14 or a 12-hour window, which doesn’t sound as scary when you think of it like that instead of eating 16 or 18 hours a day and how that led to changes, not just in weight but in other markers of health as well. So, I look at it that we all fast while we’re sleeping because no one, at least that I know of, has figured out how to eat while we’re asleep. So, most of us are already fasting for at least eight hours a day. So, I experimented with extending that window and I probably eat within a six to eight-hour window. Most days, I will consume non-caloric things if I’m just intermittent fasting in the morning. So, like herbal teas or sometimes coffee or like herbal teas at night, but things that don’t have calories whereas, if I’m water fasting, which I’ve written about, I don’t consume those things at all.
Another thing that is a very common aspect of my life is getting morning sunshine with people that I love. So, often my husband and I will sit on the front porch and drink tea or coffee in the sunlight. And this is advice I got from one of my first doctors that was instrumental in my healing from Hashimoto’s, Dr. Alan Christianson. And he explains how getting outside, even if it’s a cloudy day as soon as possible after waking up, is really vital signaling mechanism for circadian rhythm. So, it leads to big changes in melatonin production at night, in stress hormone levels and all kinds of things. And it’s an easy free thing that we can all do. And I like to kind of stack beneficial things. So, I do that with my husband so there’s time for connection or with a child. Sometimes when my kids will go for a walk during that we’ll all a beverage that I like that has some kind of nutrients in it but without the calories. And that’s just a time to center and connect and also to get those hormonal benefits.
I also have shifted to focusing on nutrient density versus calories and actually having to actively track nutrients to make sure I’m getting enough because I’m not as hungry now. Like I said, and I eat on a shorter window, so I have to make sure that all the foods that I eat are very nutrient-dense and consume a lot of them. So, I aim for high-quality proteins and I’m usually based on getting about 6 grams per pound of body weight daily. Mostly, for me, from seafood or broth or other types of meat. So, this is things like, I eat a lot of sardines, tons of greens, both cooked and raw, lots and lots of cooked and fermented vegetables and lots of broth, which has beneficial amino acids like proline and glycine that balance out the other amino acids that are found more in meats.
Every day, I also consume things like broccoli sprouts, which I grow in the kitchen. There’s tutorials on the blog if you want to figure out how to grow those. Those are a source of sulforaphane which supports the body in a lot of ways and also just a great source of nutrients. And sometimes I’ll make really nutrient-dense smoothies with like wild-caught blueberries and cacao and maca and added protein and all kinds of stuff or make protein shakes with added nutrients on days where I’m having trouble reaching my protein levels. Again, I think it’s extremely personal, both diet and supplements. But there are some supplements that I take regularly, although I don’t take any supplements every day.
The ones that I take most often are probiotics. I take one from Just Thrive, I’ll link to it in the show notes. There’s so much evidence about the gut-brain connection and how focusing on our gut health can help our mental health. And I’ve noticed this as my gut health has really improved over the last two years, I noticed the more calm and more happy mental state as a result. I also take vitamin K2-7 also from Just Thrive, which is anti-inflammatory and one that I think has a lot of benefits. I take specific B vitamins, so riboflavin was big for me during this year just because that’s something that’s in higher demand during weight loss and maybe protein, all kinds of things. So, I realized from experimentation that I needed a lot more riboflavin than I was getting. And also thiamine and pantothenic acid.
I also added a lot of extra vitamin C, magnesium and vitamin D, which I was testing for to make sure I kept my levels good. Because all of those things can be needed more during weight loss. I also drink, like I said, herbal teas daily. I’ll use all kinds of different kinds. And then some other supplements I’ve been experimenting with are things like resveratrol. I mentioned vitamin D, choline instatol, I think is what it’s called, and phosphatidylcholine, which both have made a huge difference in my mental state and focus. And then I think I was not getting enough because I can’t eat eggs. That’s one of the few foods that I still react to. So, I was trying to find an alternative source of choline. I mentioned riboflavin and B1 as well.
And then other things I just do regularly as part of this process for me, I make sure that I incorporate play and movement regularly. This might be something as simple as going for a walk or trying to slackline with my kids or I have been playing tag and capture the flag with the neighborhood kids lately. Just things that remind me to be in my body and that are fun. We also in our area, also sauna and cold tub often with friends. And this is something that I’ve learned from Finland as well. Saunas are such an important part of their culture, but also very important to their community and to their connection. And so, I love being able to do this with friends or my husband or ideally with like a group of us because I think it’s also a chance for connection and community as well as all the benefits of sauna, which I talked about at length in previous podcasts and have written about. But I think the community aspect really just amplifies it.
And then I’ve also tried to really prioritize time not working and spending time with family and close friends and to do that almost every day. And statistically, those types of relationships and building strong community like that is one of the most important things that we can actually do for our health. It’s more important than exercise or not smoking. And it was something I wasn’t doing well and as I’ve taken baby steps of learning vulnerability and learning to be more deeply connected in relationships, that’s been a really important part for me.
In conclusion, I think I’m very much still on the journey and I think that for all of us, especially the inner work, it’s always a process and I don’t think we ever fully arrive. I think we’re constantly on the journey, but this past year has been transformational and extremely paradigm-shifting for me. And even though this is still like the aspects of this are difficult to talk about, I hope that my experience and sharing this can somehow be helpful to you if you face any of these same things.
What sticks out to me most I think in this journey is that I fought my weight and I hated myself for my inability to resolve it for years, literally for my entire adult life. And I had that script in the filter that if only or when I lost weight or looked a certain way that I would be happy and accept myself. I think we all have some version or several versions of the “if only” script. And the irony was that when I decided to work on loving and accepting myself and being happy with where I was even, and especially for my flaws, the thing I’d wanted so badly to happen happened without any of the fight at all. So, in other words, instead of if when this happens I will be happy, I was finally able to decide and choose that I will be happy now and I will love my body now where it is and I will love my children where they are and I will love my husband where he is and I will love my life and the lessons and all of these things and we’ll choose happiness. And when I did that I could start letting go the fight and letting go of the walls and that led to stuff that I could never have anticipated.
I found a quote recently that really resonated with me, it was by, I think her name is Nayyirah Waheed and the quote is, “And I said to my body, softly, “I want to be your friend.” It took a long breath and replied, “I’ve been waiting my whole life with this.” And that was my lesson of the last year, was taking that first step with my body and connecting again, my body and my mind and my emotions and realizing how much more whole and connected we can be when we do that. I’m not saying that self-love is a panacea and that it fixes physical problems, not by a long stretch, but I can say with certainty now that at least for me, the mental and emotional stuff was a huge part of my journey that I ignored for a long time. And that I don’t think I could’ve worked through the physical stuff without addressing those.
So, I will leave in the show notes, wellnessmama.fm, a comprehensive list of all the stuff I’ve mentioned, the books that have helped, other resources, you can find all of those there. But I’ll mention a few again, just that it really helped in case you are just listening and you want to hear. So, I read a lot of Brene Brown over the last year. I love all of her books, especially “Braving the Wilderness” and “Daring Greatly.” Of course, “The Body Keeps The Score” was pivotal for me. There’s several great books by Rhonda Britten. I’ll make sure all of those are linked in the show notes. Other resources I’ll link too is Erin, the woman I mentioned who did a session at that thing. Aaron Alexander who runs the line podcast, who did Rolfing with me, “The Tapping Solution” book and the app. The idea of never wasting a trigger and then also just some practical things that have helped me track and make sure I was staying healthy during this process.
I used an app called the DietBet app, which is funny, just as a motivator. It was not something that I thought would actually make much of a difference at all. But the idea being that you can bet like $35 or some small amount that you will lose whatever amount of weight, a small amount of weight by the end of a certain period of time. And for me, that just was like a reminder and a motivator. As I was going through that process and I realized it was, I think a lot of us as humans we have more of a fear of losing than we do have a desire to win. And so, that app was helpful to me.
I also use an app called Zero, Z-E-R-O which is a fasting app. And so, that let me track my intermittent fasting every day and just see what window I was eating in. I was using a Renpho Scale, which I’ll link in the show notes and it has an app connected to it. And that was really motivating and just to be able to see my progress, not just in weight loss but in things like protein levels in the body and muscles, like skeletal function and muscle mass and things that I was trying to improve as well. And to make sure I was getting enough nutrients, I used MyFitnessPal to track the foods that I was eating and just make sure I was actually getting enough calories. So, an interesting part of this for me is that I’m actually eating probably more than I was in the past, which was also helpful in healing my metabolism and making sure my body was getting enough nutrients but I’m very conscious of getting enough protein especially and enough nutrients from things like green veggies.
I’ve been using something called the Heads Up Health dashboard that lets you keep track of labs and a whole lot of other metrics in one place. And I did this regularly with labs to make sure I wasn’t messing up my hormones and this let me see, easily graphed out kind of examples of every metric so that I could see where I was improving. And then I used the Oura ring and the Biostrap. I’ve used both. I’ve used them individually and both at different times, but those track things like sleep and movement and heart rate variability and other factors. I used the Real Plan app all the time for meal planning and again, to make sure I get enough nutrients.
And so, in hindsight, I would say the things, the lessons of this past year that I’m keeping and sticking with are focusing on things like community, learning how to be vulnerable more and more, learning to play and be happy with my body and never wasting a trigger. And as I said, I’m very much still on this journey and I was hesitant a little bit even to share what I’ve shared today because I don’t think that I’m in any means at all an expert in any of this. I just wanted to share my personal experience in hopes that maybe that story could be helpful to someone else who’s working through some of these same things or afraid to start that process or to take the first steps.
I’m not trying to give any medical advice and certainly not any kind of mental health advice, just sharing my own inner journey and I would love to hear yours, especially like I said, I wanted this to be a way to start the conversation. And if this is a conversation that resonates with you or sadly that you’ve ever faced in any similar way, I would love for you to be part of the conversation because I think that there is tremendous healing in community and in relationships and in loving each other. And I hope that I can maybe be a small part of a domino in a cascade of events for someone else. And either way, I’m very grateful to you for listening and for being here as part of my journey and I would love to hear more about yours.
So, please join me in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm and say hi or if this resonates with you or reach out to me on Instagram, I’m wellnessmama on Instagram. Message me if you’d rather not share publicly and just tell me about your journey because I think there’s power in the story and there’s power in acknowledgment and I hope that I can start to be a forum for that. And as always, thank you, thank you, thank you, for being here and for sharing what is truly one of our most valuable gifts, our time, with me today. I’m so glad that you did. I am so grateful that you’re part of this community. I’m just so grateful for your time today and I hope as always that you will join me again on the next episode of “The Wellness Mama Podcast.”
If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.